Hozefa's not-so-structured World

2009-07-09T23:31:00.002+08:00

As I type out this post I feel very overwhelmed. Earlier today, I graduated from the National University of Singapore with a Bachelor of Science Degree.

I had looked forward to this day for as long as I can remember. I had always envisioned myself in the academic robes and cap receiving my degree during a commencement ceremony. And today was the day it happened. I put on my academic robes today. I went for my commencement ceremony today. I received my degree scroll today. I became a graduate.

When one approaches such a milestone, one cannot be helped but be lost in his thoughts. The sheer magnitude of graduation leaves one in awe of the opportunities he has been given over the years to develop himself.

I think back to all the people who have helped me along the journey and I offer my sincere thanks to God for having met them and learn from them. Aqa Moula (TUS) of course, has been my light throughout my journey. My parents, family, close friends, mentors, teachers, professors and students have all played a big part in my life, helping me develop into the person I am today. To all of you, thank you so much. Such journeys of life can never be undertaken alone. I am so glad and so thankful that all of you wonderful people were there along the journey. I really really couldn't have done it without all of you.

The past 3 years in NUS have been amazing. I have met so many wonderful people, had so many amazing experiences, been in so many insightful classes and learnt so so much. Most of all, I have made so many new friends who I am sure are gonna be lifelong buddies. But I have started to miss all of it terribly. I am missing the whole NUS experience so much. It is a wonderful place which will forever hold so many memories for me.

I met Dr Barbara Ryan today and took photos with her. She told me that this by no means is the end but is the start of an amazing journey. Right now, I am at the doorstep of the journey of the rest of my life. The road isn't very clear but it seems to be exciting and full of promise.

Oh goodness, I am like chatting with friends online now, and seriously, everything is so overwhelming. On top of clearing and archiving my NUS email account. I think I'll continue tomorrow.

Just so many thoughts....

2009-07-05T18:43:00.002+08:00

Yesterday morning was the first time in ages that I went for sabaq (cell group/small religious class) and it felt amazing. It was refreshing and rejuvenating. Of course Aamil Saheb (the priest) had to remind me to go for Sabaq the night before during a Darees (prayer session) but I'm glad he did. I forgot how intellectually stimulating Sabaqs are and how much I enjoy them.

I was telling my cadets during the SNCO course last month that it is importnat to renew onself in 4 areas constantly to ensure personal effectiveness as a leader. One of the four areas was spiritual renewal. And ironically I had not been following my own advice.

Must make sure I pay more attention to this renewal thing. So here are a few resolutions:

Body: Jog on the treadmill for 15 minutes everyday. And play badminton once a week (thanks to Gerard who has offered to be my badminton partner....haha)

Mind: Do research to write my next paper on education.

Heart: Continue volunteering at NCDCC :) Yes!!!!

Soul: Attend Sabaqs every week and read a chapter of the iqtebasat everyday.

And people, leave a tag!!!!

Hozefa

2009-07-05T12:22:00.002+08:00

I think being in power and having a conscience at the same time is a very difficult state of being. It is certainly the ideal of state of being but I think it is a most difficult state of being. Not having a conscience allows a person to be popular, gain comforts, ensure his/her own continuity, giving up responsibility and basically enjoy the position of power in which one is in. Perhaps this is the reason that many people who gain power even with the best of intentions eventually get corrupted. As the old adage goes, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I was faced with a dilemma two days ago to do something which was in the best interest of one of my charges but wasn't certainly the most popular decision. In having to remain impartial and objective as well as looking out for the person's welfare, I had to adopt a tone that was rather strict but at the same time fair. The decision was certainly not met with a lot of happiness and I am pretty sure that I have lost his admiration and even friendship. Whether I still have his respect is another matter altogether. Is this what leadership is all about? I always thought that leadership gets easier with more experience but many times more experience leads to more responsibilities which in turn leads to more learning opportunities, both pleasant or otherwise.

Today is the Milad Mubarak (Birth Anniversary) of Moulana Ali Ibn Abi Talib (AS). He was the Wasi of the prophet Mohmammed (SAW) and was the latter's trusted lieutenant. Just a few weeks back I was standing at the sephulchre (tomb) of Moulana Ali (AS). Inside the Mausoleum it felt as if one had entered a heavenly presence. Every minute I spent in there praying was a pure moment of spirituality. Moulana Ali was a person who believed in peaceful settlement instead of war. When he became the Caliph, he didn't lead a life of grandeur. Instead, in the service of God, he spent his time looking after the welfare of the people using his own money to sponsor meals for the people while he himself ate very little and meagrely. He is the true example of what a leader should be. His motivation was only God's happiness and God's will, his inspiration was the spirit of Islam and his work was the upliftment of his people. If Islamic leaders truly want to lead in the spirit of Islam, they should follow the example of Moulana Ali instead of playing politics all the time.

Aqa Moula (TUS) is a true example of what a leader in islam should be like and he is the true na'ib of Moulana Ali. Aqa Moula (TUS) has rebuilt Moulana Ali's Masjid in Kufa and I was truly blessed to have been able to visit this sacred site a few weeks back. So many important events took place in that Masjid. All the prophets have passed through the land upon which the Masjid stands. Adam, Nu'h, Ibrahim, Musa, Isa and Mohammed (SAW) have all walked on that land which has made it blessed. And of course, Moulana Ali's final moments were spent in the qibla of that Masjid where when the enemy striked him on his head with a sword while he was praying to God, "Fuzto wa Rabbil Ka'aba", "By the name of the Lord of the Ka'aba, I have won". Aqa Moula wants to visit Kufa soon and inaugurate the rebuilt masjid. may Allah Ta'ala make it possible in the near future and give us the opportunity to visit that holy recess with him and do matam of Moulana Ali. Ameen.

2009-07-01T12:35:00.004+08:00

I have often thought about the reasons why I keep doing what I do especially when there challenges arise and cause you to question your own passion and motivations. I was re-reading a book called "The 8th Habit" by Stephen Covey and there were some quotes which kinda gave an answer.

An extraction from "The Paradoxical Commandments" by Kent M. Keith:

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

"Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves" - Stephen R. Covey.

In response to a friend's post on his blog:

"It is sad, when our motivation comes from beliefs that are based on studies which show that we are capable of so much more."

I do agree that it is sad if this was the case. However, I think if people are motivated, it is because they know they are capable of so much more and not because their beliefs are based on studies which tell them so. And sometimes, some people need a little help in believing in themselves, myself included. Outliers talk about people being at the right time and place making it big, I say that you create your right time and place. Always believe that your destiny is in your hands and the grace of a superior power. I guess, that's what I really feel.

Anyhoo, I'm getting quite a bit of stuff done, including updating my blog so I guess that's a good thing. Experiences however, are getting more exciting by the day.

Go out and make the world a better place.

And if you read this blog, become an active participant by leaving a tag or comment. Be nice. Haha.

Hozefa

2009-06-29T22:35:00.002+08:00

There is so much to be said and so much more to be done.

I don't know where to start, so many things have happened over the past 2 months. So many new experiences. So many opportunities. So many wonderful experiences. So many challenges. So much growth.

But most amazingly, so many opportunities for reflection and so many real spiritual moments.

I am indeed blessed. If I begin to count all the blessings I have received over the past 2 months I think I would not be able to stop counting for a while. I can only thank God for what he has given me. Thank Aqa Moula (TUS) for what he has given me. And even then I cannot possibly show adequate gratitude for all I have been given.

I went to Iraq and was blessed to visit the Mausoleums of Moulana Ali, Imam Husain, Moulana Abbas and all the other shohada. As I grasped these Holy Zari (Sephulchres) with my hand I truly came face to face with history. With hope. With the essence of religion. With spirituality. I cannot possibly describe those moments. Yet perhaps over my next few posts I shall attempt to do so. Going into the Kufa masjid was one of the most amazing journeys I have undertaken. How often does one get to step on land so holy?

The 7th SNCO course was an amazing experience and very much a learning experience for me. I had to re look and re design my leadership modules for this course. I learnt so much from interacting with the cadets during these sessions. I really hope the cadets benefitted from it. It is indeed such a joy to work with cadets. They make every minute of being a HO worthwhile.

I have also forged so many new friendships and strenthened my bond with many others.

So many new things await, so many new opportunities have opened up and I only hope that I am up for everything.

I know I am being rather vague in this post but I promise to post more often now!

Have fun :)

2009-05-05T13:23:00.002+08:00

Second week into exams and thankfully things have gotten easier. MNO exam wasn't too bad. Hopefully I answered the questions correctly. I managed to overflow all the spaces assigned for answers but that doesn't necessarily mean a correct answer right? One more paper on Friday! Fortunately it is a MCQ and I wouldn't have to do much writing. Monday's paper made me realise how lazy my hand had become! I remember when I was in JC, I used to write essay after essay to practice for the bio exam and for GP. And my hand stayed strong and did my bidding without complaint. But now after writing 8 short answers (around a paragraph each) and one essay, my hand ached and cramped. This is what 3 years of having a laptop and typing out everything does to you. I should go back to writing again one of these days. One of these days....

On Sunday I had an amazing experience. After almost 48 days, Aqa Moula (TUS) came into the public view for the first time after being hospitalised. Mumineen all around the world expressed their love and devotion to Moula through various means. Moula gave a bayaan (sermon) to commemorate the death anniversary of Moulatena Fatema (AS), the daughter of Rasulullah and a woman of profound courage, intellect and devotion to the cause of God. In the bayaan Aqa Moula (TUS) thanked Allah for giving him a speedy recovery and reaffirmed his commitment to the Khidmat of Imam uz zaman and did dua that Allah bless him with a long and healthy life so that he may continue his khidmat. Mumineen gave a resounding "Ameen" after this dua. Moula said "Mumineen, you are always with me and nothing can ever keep us apart". I only needed to hear those words to know that Moula is always with me watching over me. And looking around me, everyone else felt the same as well. Moula also mentioned three times, "There is no faith without love." Moula's shows in his actions and words how true this statement is.

I am right now full of anticipation. On Friday night, I will be leaving for what will be one of the most amazing journeys of my life. I will be going to Dubai where I'll stopover for a day before I fly to Najaf and from there.....to Karbala. I cannot remember since when my heart longed to visit this place. The place where Imam Husain (AS) declared that his worldly journey is over and the journey towards salvation has begun. The place where the enemies had kept him and his family and followers away from water and food for 3 days. The place where Imam Husain spent a night praying for the salvation of the faithful. Where Imam Husain made his final khutba (sermon) summoning the enemy to come back to the principles of faith, the principles of Islam. Where Imam Husain's followers fell to protect him. Where Moulana Abbas performed his final act of devotion. Where Moulana Ali Akbar died in Imam Husain's arms. Where Imam Husain asked the enemies for just a sip of water to give his 6-month old son and where the enemies shot at an arrow that killed the infant. Where Imam Husain asked Jibrail what Allah's wish for him was. Where Imam Husain did the final sajda where he prayed for the salvation of all us. Indeed, Karbala is the place where Good triumphed over evil, where love triumphed over hate and where salvation was achieved for all of us.

I cannot wait to stand at the Tomb of Imam Husain and remember that just a few months ago, Aqa Moula was on the thakt telling us about how Imam Husain gave up everything and endured so much so that we may be free of our sins. I cannot wait to grasp at the zari mubarak and cry. I cannot wait to visit the place where Imam husain performed his final sajda and the small hill where Moulatena Zainab saw her brother's ultimate sacrifice.

I am ever so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to make this visit. I am thankful to God for granting my wishes. And I am thankful to Aqa Moula (TUS) for guiding me towards the truth, what Imam Husain sacrificed his life for.

Dear friends, please pray that my journey will be safe and spiritually fulfilling. Khuda Ta'ala sagla mumineen ne Imam Husain nu zari choomwanu naseeb kare. Ameen.

2009-04-25T20:36:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you what sucks.

What sucks is having to see a student of yours face to face and tell him the no-so-flattering truth about himself. When you have to tell a student that he's not good at everything he thought he was good at. Having to watch the student's confidence ebb away. And having to do it in a voice which cannot reveal even a trace of regret.

The only reason you would do that to a student, is to help him to become a better person. And you have to resort to such things from time to time. And it sucks. Its sucks because that students looks up to you and now you gotta tell him what he doesn't want to hear.

And then it hurts inside like crap. It's part of the job description. The next step? To help him realize his true potential. Easier said then done.

2009-04-04T09:52:00.002+08:00

Things have been looking bright lately and I guess that it's a good thing. The confidence that ebbed away in the last few weeks has mostly come back and my thought processes have started generating new ideas again, which can only be a good thing.

Two days ago, I spoke to Dr Barbara Ryan and it was an amazing conversation. I was telling her about my future plans and how I intend to take the path less taken. There wasn't even a sliver of doubt present on her face when she listened to me. She told me to go for it and pursue my passion because that is the fuel for success. She gave me tips to help me pursue my goals and encouraged me to fight on and not give up. She even agreed to help me with some of the stuff! I'm so glad I met her. She's really one of the profs you can just go and talk to. She's really inspired me and has become a mentor to me.

My sec 3s in Montfort are gearing up to take over the unit. I must say that as a whole batch, they have quite a bit of potential. The challenge is, however, to channel this potential and energy in an effective, educative and developmental way. They grasp the concepts of leadership pretty quickly and understand the need for leaders to serve the people rather than the other way round, which certainly is a positive start. I'm feeling quite optimistic about this batch and cannot wait to work with them when they take over!

Many opportunities have popped up. Perhaps, they might have always been there and I'm noticing them only now. I'm really thankful that they are finally visible to me. However, Rasulullah (SAW) once said that opportunities are like clouds and one must grasp them before they float away. The meaning in this is clear. You make your own life. You have to take the initiative to grasp opportunities and do something with your life. I'm ready to work hard to grasp the ones that are currently available.

"Everyone falls down in life. It's how fast you get up that matters."

Have fun dudes.

2009-04-01T01:03:00.002+08:00

Had the opportunity to listen to a voice recording of Aqa Moula (TUS) where he spoke about the Sijil ul Bisharat (Letter of the Good News).

I was just thinking to myself when I was hearing Moula's voice.....Moula, you are the good news! You are the good news that every impoverished soul wants to hear. You are the good news that inspires the uninspired. You are the good news that gives hope to those that need it the most.

Moula, you are the Good News. For everyone who is blessed to receive it.

2009-03-25T21:45:00.003+08:00

So many many things have happened in the last few weeks that have uplifted, inspired, motivated and enriched me. I am so thankful that all of this has happened to me and I know that Aqa Moula (TUS) paryers have been with me all this while and his light has been guiding me in the right direction and opening new paths and opportunities for me.

I presented a paper at the 2nd International Conference on Character Development Through Service and Experiential Learning. My paper was on a theory of mentorship that I had been working on and it was about how a student leader's full potential could be developed. The presentation went well and quite a few people came to approach me after my talk. There was one professor who asked if I was interested in writing a paper together with him for the next conference! That was way cool. More importantly though, the experience was like an amazing sabbatical for me. I was surrounded by so many like-minded people from around the world who shared the same ideas on education as me and we discussed them vigorously with one another. The keynote speakers were inspirational, espeacially Melissa Kwee who did a great job and left a big impression on evryone by saying that "Without love the story is not worth telling". I want my story to be worth telling, I want to make a difference in the lives of young people. I know what I wanna do!

Argh....running out of time. Will type more later! :)

2009-03-11T22:16:00.006+08:00

While life still seems to be in a downward spiral to the much anticipated rock bottom, there seems to be a silver lining.

Ironically, the chaos seems to bring some sort of clarity. My incessant need to take charge of my own affairs and my overly analytical mind have combined to force me to think through the issues and get to the bottom of the problems that supposedly plague me now.

I've been thinking over yesterday and today what my life is really centered around. I realise that perhaps the things I may be centering around now are just manifestations of the principles I should center my life around. And when these manifestations disappear, as things often have a habit of doing, I will find myself in the same turmoil again.

So what is really my life centered around? I think there are a couple of things. But I have not thought through everything yet.

However, I have thought about something. One of the most important things that my life is centered around is Aqa Moula (TUS) and the path of light he is leading me upon. Let's face it, I have been far from perfect over the past few years. Yet, Moula never judges. Moula doesn't tell me 'go away'. I have been blessed to be in his holy presence year after year. That is proof enough that if God wills me to be in his presence, then certainly Moula wants me there. That Moula has called me. Despite everything, Moula draws me nearer and gives me so much more than I deserve. Even now in my most troubled moments, the world "Moula" appears on my lips. Even if I had forgotten him, he has never forgotten me. Moula guides me patiently towards the right principles. In this day, he seems to be the only leader that calls for love, peace and hope. How can I ever let go of Moula? He is my rock. In the darkest and lonliest night, Moula is the light of hope.

It's a true miracle that one can feel so blessed even in the most desolate of times.

2009-03-09T15:47:00.003+08:00

Since life is toying around with me at the moment, I think I shall take the time to blog, though it is seeming quite difficult to articulate what I think I'm currently going through.

Too many things are happening at the same time right now.

I'm expected to grow up all so quickly. I just turned 24. Yes, I may not be the 'party dude' type but I value my youth. As much as I laugh it off, I hate it when people tell me that I'm old or that age is catching up with me or whatever. While not exactly wanting to be Peter Pan, I would really like to stay young a bit longer. I'm 24 for crying out loud! I still want to be active. I still want to be free to make my own decisions without being weighed down by a million responsibilities. I still want to be able to dream and achieve those dreams. I want to accomplish so much more, so don't write me off yet, please?

Work has piled up like crazy. I really have no idea how this has happened but for the first time in my life I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew. How is this happening? I still have a hectic schedule and so much work to do. Goodness, when will everything fall in place?

Now that I am in a relationship, I think i have to start getting serious about where my priorities lie. I don't think I have been giving my relationship the attention it deserves. I think I'm trying hard but not hard enough. But seriously, its a long distance relationship at the moment. Does that mean I have to try even harder? Or just accept that things move slower in a relationship like this? Don't get me wrong, I love UH to bits and think she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wonder if there is still a small part of me somewhere that is afraid of commitment and is blocking out my common sense. If there is this small part, I want to surgically remove it. Coz seriously, UH, you're my sunshine :)

The pangs of anxiety that I get once in a while has increased significantly in frequency. There are days when anxiety and frustration grip me for hours on end. And you know what? I don't know why that is so.

And lately, I sometimes feel like I'm a failure. What have I achieved in the last 24 years? Have I accomplished the goals I set for myself? Seriously, the question begs to be asked, what have I achieved? A close friend who listens to my constant rantings was kind enough to do some research and point out to me that I have achieved quite a lot. But I don't know. I just can't shake this feeling. An early twenties crisis? Give me a break. I should stop whining.

And as if things couldn't get any worse, I fell ill yesterday and got a 3-day MC. I'm barely able to type out this blog post as it is. I have got so much work to do and now I have to contend with getting better.

There seems to be no end to this dark tunnel. Yay.

And you know what the funny thing is? A few weeks ago, I thought life couldn't be better. Guess I tempted fate.

2009-03-04T20:39:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone.

Yes its been a long time, no doubt. While some of you may say (and have said) that I have been too busy celebrating Obama's victory, in reference to my last post, I beg to differ. Obama won. Yay. Wooho. He's even been inaugurated. Joy. Now, he has to get down to serious work. Let's see what happens.

In the last few months, may things have happened. While some of them have been rather traumatic, many many many more have been very good. I have so much to be thankful to the Lord for. I have so much to be thankful to Aqa Moula (TUS) for. It is with his grace, blessings and prayers that I have achieved so much, received so much and been blessed so much. The debt can never be repayed. Moula it is you have have taught me to love, that is why I am purged of hate. It is you who have taught me to cry for Husain, that is why I am cleansed with my tears. It is you who call us to faith, that is why I have hope. It is you who is my source of comfort, that is why I have peace of mind.

But recently I have felt quite lost. I'm trying to grasp onto something, anything. It feels like I'm falling down a hole with no end. I try to keep calm but worry grips me. There are so many issues but I cannot seem to tackle any of them.

Hopefully, with his blessings, I'll be alright.

2008-11-05T13:53:00.005+08:00

YES WE CAN!!!

Firstly, a very big Thank You to friends in the United States for voting Obama as the next President of the United States. You guys have made the right decision and I am sure that in four years, the world will be a better place to live in.

Many people have asked me why I support Barack Obama although he's all the way in the USA. As the sole superpower in the world, his policies certainly affect the way the world functions.

Anyway, here are the reasons:

1) Obama believes in diplomacy. For him, military action is a last resort. Now imagine that instead of declaring war on Iran, Obama actually enters into dialogue with the Iranians to reach a consensus on nucleur power. Wouldn't that be great? Less people would lose their lives and the economy would not be shattered by escalating oil prices.

2) No more escalating oil prices. With the promise of peace instead of war, an Obama presidency would mean that oil prices would not go out of control. The middle and lower income groups will not be so badly affected by the current economic downturn if oil prices go lower.

3) An Obama presidency would bring back the sound economic policies of the Clinton administration. This would definitely bring the world more economic stability.

4) The Earth will be a cleaner and healthier place to live in because Obama believes in investing in renewable sources of energy and reducing our carbon footprint on the world. Al Gore has a great advocate for his environmental concerns in President-elect Obama.

5) The world can finally begin to heal. During the Bush administration, the rift between the islamic world and the western world was growing wider and wider due to the use of right wing rheteoric by Bush. The 2 badly managed wars in Afghanistan and Iraq did not help either. Neither did using terms like Islamic Terrorism. Islam does not believe in terrorism, so 'Islamic Terrorism' is a contradiction. Obama will be a president who will bring people together on their common values.

6) More hope for peace in the Middle East. The last time the Middle East came close to a peace deal was under the Clinton administration. It went down the drain under Bush. Now under president Obama, less Israeli and Palestinian children will lose thier lives because of a conflict that could have been resolved if Bush had contnued Clinton's policies.

7) Obama is a Democrat. 'nuff said.

Change we can believe in!

Have fun guys!

2008-10-20T21:52:00.002+08:00

Today I was praying a madeh (hymn) during a darees (service) and there was a stanza that said how the real Jannat (Heaven) is really when Aqa Moula appears in your grave and brings your jaan to jannat.

Gulaam na hea arz tashreef lana, qabar meh yeh bandeh ko, moula bechana
Agar laye tashreef, moula kabar meh, toh roza-e-jannat nahi hea toh kiya hea

Whenever a mumin passes away, he is comforted by the fact that he will not be alone, his saviour and holy father will come and lead him to the glorious presence of Imam-uz-zaman. Moula will introduce the mumin to the Penjetan Pak who have come to welcome him.

I was just thinking that even for those that the deceased has left behind, Aqa Moula remains an immense source of comfort. When Dadima passed away, we were comforted by the fact that she is not alone and that Aqa Moula was there to guide her on her journey to Imam-uz-zaman. Any mumin who has a person close to him or her pass away is comforted by the fact that their loved ones who are deceased are being cared for by Aqa Moula.

Moula is just amazing. He is my source of comfort in every grief and pain. He is my comfort in every sorrow and every impossible situation. His cooling shadow is my refuge.

Moula always keep me close to you.

2008-10-19T17:06:00.002+08:00

I'm sick and tired.

I'm sick and tired of being the problem solver to solve problems that were unnecessarily created.

I'm sick and tired of helping people out and being treated like crap.

I'm sick and tired for working my head off just to know that other people are being seen in better light.

I'm sick and tired of having people not listen to me and when things go wrong, I can't even say "I told you so" because of protocol.

I'm sick and tired of not having time to do the things I really want to do because I need so much down time right now because of all the repair work that needs to be done.

I'm sick and tired.

2008-10-17T13:06:00.003+08:00

The writing of papers is really getting to me. This semester, I have to write papers for 3 modules. Yes, you heard correctly, THREE whole modules. For the Singapore: The Making of a Nation I have to write 4 response papers plus one term paper. For Virtue and Leadership, its 3 short assignments (You can feel free to write more, and I am planning to write more than 3 because its quite an interesting module) plus one term paper and for my independant study module on Ribonucleic Acids, 2 response papers and one term paper. Altogether, 12 papers this sesmester, at least!!! I love writing and all, but sometimes the sheer volume of writing you have to do really kills any enthusisasm you had to begin with.

But one thing that writing does force you to do is to organise your thoughts effectively and use language in a creative way to bring across your point of view. It really hones the mind to think more critically about the subject matter instead of just regurgitating stories heard in the past.

While writing so many papers in one semester isn't exactly something to look forward to, I think I'm really growing from this experience. As a science student you don't have many opportunity to write such papers, thankfully as a usp student I do.

Oh well....busy busy busy.

2008-10-04T20:11:00.002+08:00

I was watching an episode of "The West Wing" which was entitled "The Long Goodbye". In this episode, the White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg goes back to visit her dad who is suffering from the early stages of alzheimers disease. The reason why episode was titled as it was is because the nickname for the disease is the long goodbye.

Dadima had Alzheimer's Disease which was diagnosed around 3-4 years back. While she showed some signs of the disease such as forgetting something she did a couple of minutes back, it never really affected her spirits and her daily life. She was still quite independant (though due to her age, she wasn't able to go out alone anymore and her movements were significantly slowed down). After Ramazan and Eid last year, she suddenly fell into depression and her appetite was severely reduced. In retrospect, that was the exact moment where her health took a turn for the worse. She lost a lot of weight and much of her independance. She was hardly able to walk and had to rest most of the time.

Despite all of this, she never lost her love and concern for all of us. Arefa got married in August and I know Dadima wanted to go for her wedding in our ancestral town, Dahod but due to her health she wasn't able to go there. So Daddy suggested that we hold one of the celebratory events in Singapore where the bride's uncle on her mother's side performs a ceremony giving the bride new clothes and presents so that Dadima could be part of the wedding. I know that Dadima was in a lot of pain but she managed to muster all the strength she could so that she could make her grandchildren happy. All throughout the ceremony she didn't say anything and even joined in the celebrations in her favourite new clothes, the red set. It was only after everything was over when she asked the maid to bring her back to her room.

There was no long goodbye here. Dadima was our protective mother all the way. Only when she was admitted to hospital when reality struck us that perhaps she might not make it.

There are still times now when I look back and remember that times where I sometimes got frustrated while looking after Dadima and many times the frustrations clearly showed. I couldn't understand what she was going through. I'm sure it must have hurt her to see me like that but she didn't say anything. I sometimes wonder whether I did all I could.

Eid ul fitr was not much of a celebratory time this year. Dadima was missing. And the void was felt really badly.

I hope that she's finally found peace in the glorious presence of Imam uz zaman now and that she knows we still love her and miss her dearly.

2008-09-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

It has been slightly more than a week since Dadima passed away. 1 week and four days to be exact. I thought it would become easier to get on with life as the days went by, but that is absolutely not true. I still miss Dadima terribly.

I have tried to keep my emotions in check and put on a brave face. Over the last few days I have generally succeeded but have failed at certain times.

On Lailatul-Qadr, the most important night of the year where we stay up for the whole night for prayers and don't sleep again till the sun rises, we usually ask for remembrance in prayers from the elders in the family. Every year, we would ask Dadima first. Last Sunday night was Lailatul Qadr, around 4 days after Dadima's death and i couldn't help but missing her.

A few days ago, after having a early breakfast (to observe a fast the next day), I went back to sleep and could have sworn that I dreamt of Dadima. She wasn't the thin and frail person that she had become over the last few months. She was the strong woman I had known for most of my life till now. It was so real; she was walking towards me. And then I remember waking up suddenly and coming to my senses a few seconds later to realise that she was gone. The feeling was horrible. I felt my loss all over again.

Then today I came back from photocopying some readings at the NUS Central Library to find that dad and Asma feiji (My aunt who is my dad's sister) were going through Dadima's things. I just sat in Dadima's bedroom with them we shared memories with each other. Then Feiji left and I got ready to go to Masjid for prayers. After getting ready I went into Dadima's room to get something I left behind and I saw that they had left Dadima's masallo (prayer mat) on Dadima's bed. They must have forgotten to put it back. The thing is, that whenever Dadima got ready to say her prayers, she would put her masallo on her bed in the very same way and then go to the bathroom to do vuzu (washing oneself before paryers). Again, I slipped into thinking that Dadima was still around and she's coming back to spread her masallo. Then I realised it was not true and I started crying. All over again, I felt the sense of loss.

I usually walk all over the house when I am thinking about something such as a paper I'm wiriting or an idea that has just come into my head. The last few days, I have found myself more and more ending up in Dadima's bedroom. I don't know why. Is it in some subconscious hope that I would find Dadima sitting there? Am I still in denial?

I just can't help thinking about whether or not I had done enough for her in her final few days. I don't know why I had gone for that conference. If I hadn't, I would have been with her in her final days. I am just so thankful to Allah that he granted me the opportunity to be there on the day she passed away and help her in her final journey. I just wished I had seen her one last time before she had passed away. Just to see her smile. Just to hear her say "Maro Hozefa aayo che" (My Hozefa has come). Just to have covered her in her blanket one more time. Just to have her ask me to pray a marsiya (hymn) one more time for her. Just to have said goodbye.

Eid-ul-fitr is coming in a few days. But nobody in the family is going to be in any mood to celebrate.

I am thankful that so many of my friends and even some of my cadets have shown me so much support over the past few days. Thanks guys.

2008-09-19T16:51:00.002+08:00

I've not updated my blog in a long time. So many things have happened in the past few months. Some were great experiences and other were challenges to be overcome. Yet, nothing impacted me as much as what happened 2 days ago.

I had just returned from an overseas trip to a conference in Bangkok on Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning at around 7am, dad got a call from the hospital saying that Dadima (grandmother) was in a very critical condition and that they should come over immediately. Dad asked Qadir and me to stay behind. As I was still recovering from lack of sleep, Qadir offered to stay by the phone. Then around 20 minutes later, Qadir came and shook me rather hard and told me we had to get ready quickly and go. I just put on whatever clothes I could find and called a cab to bring us to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I remember telling the driver to drive as fast as possible and he said he'll do his best. On the way there, dad called Qadir on his handphone.

It was the news that we dreaded. We knew it was coming because Dadima's condition was deterioating so much. But nothing prepared me for the moment when Qadir told me that "She passed away". When we reached the hospital, we rushed to her bedside. I remember that Dad was praying from the Quran loudly and then did matam of Imam husain on Dadima's chest. She was just lying there. She finally had the look of peace on her face.

I just started crying. The immense sense of loss I felt at that very moment in time was indescribable. I simply didn't know what to do. Mum was standing there so I hugged her. I kissed Dadima's feet one last time, as I usually kissed them every Eid and Lailatul Qadr. I held Dadima's hand and just cried. Then I remember kissing her forehead. Now as I type this I realise that it was the very last time I got to touch her, the loving Dadima that never hesitated to give me a hug to bring me close to her when I was in pain.

Husain Kakji told me to be strong, because we had to make preparations for her final journey to her maker. I just remeber huggin Husain Kakji and Feiji. And I remember after that I hugged dad and both of us couldn't stop crying.

Eventually we quickly discussed what we had to do. Dad and kakaji would stay at the hospital to finish the paperwork and arrange for Dadima to be brought to masjid. Mum, Qadir and me went home to change, get the Khake Shifaa, the white cloth for kafan that was blessed by Aqa Moula (TUS), and water from the wells of Zam Zam in Mecca and Jame-ul-Anwar in Qahera.

Everything after that was a blur. I remember reaching masjid and making arrangements with Abbas uncle and Qadir and I went with Najmi uncle to buy packet drinks for all those who will attend the burial. Dadima's body was brought to the masjid and the women in the committee started the process of cleaning her and garbing her in the burial robes. We just waited outside.

Then all the family members were asked to go in to look upon Dadima's face one last time before it was covered with Hanoot and the cloth. When it was my turn, I was careful not to touch her (She was cleaned with the rites of abulation so we should not touch her). I leaned forward to her face and all I could think of saying was Thank you. All I thought of saying was thank you to this wonderful grandmother who had led such a hard life but was only full of love for all of us. I also remembered saying that Aqa Moula will take care of you now. And that she had gotten her final wish of doing Didar of Aqa Moula.

And I lost my composure after that again. When I came back to my senses, it was time to carry her body into the Masjid for the Janazah ni namaaz. I made sure I didn't let go of the coffin used to carry her at all. I wanted to be there with Dadima all throughout her final journey. We prayed the namaaz and everyone came to give us Taziat (condolences). I just couldn't stop silently crying. After everyone had given taziat, I went to give taziat to my dad ad we hugged each other and cried again. Our sense of loss was at that time insurmountable.

We carried her body for the final journey out of the house of Allah and brought the coffin into the funeral bus that was waiting outside. While dad and Qadir took the car to the cemetary, I went in the bus and sat by the coffin throughout the whole journey. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Finally, we reached the cemetary and dad and kakji went into the grave to receive the body and I helped lower Dadima into her final resting place. I saw as the knots on her robes were loosened, signifying that all her wordly worries are over and now Moulana Ali Mushkil Kusha will come to bring her to Jannat. Her face was unveiled and her body covered with soil. After which we said our final goodbyes and prayers and went back home where everyone had gathered. We tried to console each other but with very little effect.

Later that night we went to Masjid and came back home. I went to Dadima's bedroom and sat at the foot of her bed and started crying again. There was an emptiness in me that couldn't be filled. It seemed so surreal. It was as if Dadima had just gone away for a while and would come back again. But I knew that it wasn't true. She had gone into the loving embrace of Imam-uz-zaman. I started wondering if I had been in turn, a filial grandson to Dadima. Dad and mum had to console me this time.

Dadima, thank you for everything. You were the kind of grandmother every grandson could ask for. You showed us love in all the ways that you knew how. You cared for us the way mothers care for their children. You taught us the tenets of our faith and made sure we stick firm in our love for Aqa Moula. You constantly reminded us of our family's traditions of Khidmat-e-dawat and ensured that we carried on this tradition. You loved us so so much dadima.

And dadima, we loved you too. We still love you. And we'll love you forever. We miss you so so much. Tha gap that you have left can never be filled.

May you receive Moula's Shafaat.

I am sure that when Penjeten Pak came to receive you, when Aqa Moula came to hold your hand, that they were proud that such a fine Mumin had finally come to Jannat. I Know that you're in a happier place now that you're suffering is now over. Please continue to watch over us, Dadima, as you did in your life.

We will love you, always.

2008-07-07T22:03:00.004+08:00

Oh well. The last week has been rather exciting. I have made some interesting purchases and new ideas have emerged as well as new opportunities.

The month of Rajab-ul-Asab has started. As per my promise to god, I'm embarking on my third year of fasting during this moth. I'm praying for a lot of things during the month of Ali. Moulana Ali, the wasi of Rasulullah (SAW) led a life dedicated to his lord. When mumineen say his name, their difficulties vanish. He was a man who believed in peace, in the welfare of men and in the faith of God. Like I said, I'm praying for a lot of things this month. I pray that with Moulana Ali's wasila, all my prayers will be granted.

And of course, fasting for one whole month coupled with my diet will allow me to lose weight and win my bet with certain people.

I bought Obama's book, "The Audacity of Hope". Its getting to be quite an interesting read and I'm glad I could contribute in a small way to his campaign!

Attended the NYJC Leadership Training Camp as a Facilitator on Friday. Stayed there till Saturday night when I had to unfortunately leave due to personal circumstances. It was turning out to be an amazing camp and I earned two nicknames, "Chief" and "Wet weather Programme". Haha. I'll try to post some pictures online when I get them. Met Ms Choong too! She came back to visit. Haven't seen her since she moved to Hwa Chong Institution. It was really great meeting her after so so long! We caught up a bit and promised to stay in touch. :)

I feel like I'm drifting away from some people that I used to be close to. I don't know, perhaps its just my imagination. Perhaps they don't need me as much as they used to. Perhaps I need to stop thinking so much. Perhaps I need to get some ice-cream.

Experimental Bio test tomorrow. Wish me luck!

And for those of you who visit and don't tag.......watch out.

2008-07-01T23:29:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged for quite a while. The reason is the same. The days have gone by faster than expected. They have been rather productive, however, production did not meet demand. Despite the pressures on my time, I have been rather satisfied and happy of late. Lot of work still remains to be done and many issues still remain at large but I'm confident that with Moula's presence in my heart things will always work out. :)

I have started special semester term 2 at NUS. People have always told me that special semester is crazy but I never really knew how crazy until I started to take Experimental Molecular Biology. Oh. My. God. It's driving me nuts! During normal semesters, there is only one lecture and one practical a week. During special sem, there are 2 lectures and 2 6-hour long practicals a week! And trust me, its really intensive. I have been hardly surviving and its just started! And we're gonna have our first CA next week!

I got my new handphone, finally! Mum got a voucher from Starhub and she gave it to me and I got my new HTC Touch for free! It's a really cool phone and I have just started exploring all the possibilities! :)

That's all for now.

Cya!

2008-06-23T11:57:00.003+08:00

On Saturday, I went for facilitator training at MOE Changi Adventure Centre. It was great to meet all my old friends from NY again. And I did Dragon Boating.....yay! It was really quite exciting but I think I cheered a bit too much. Totally hoarse now.

Finally had a break yesterday and today. The do-nothing days. I deserve it before I start my special semester tomorrow to do experimental bio. Even then I would have to do my readings today before I can head to school tomorrow. I better study for for this one as I want nothing less than an A.

Went to Suntec City yesterday night and bought a new pair of casual shoes. Haven't had those for a while. Decided I needed more than one pair of shoes when I realised my shoes wear out really quickly because of all the stuff I do. On wednesday I plan to buy a new pair of sports shoes! And of course, seeing how a lot of my things are worn out, I've taken the liberty of making a wishlist. If you feel you need to give me a present, this list will be of tremendous help to you. :p

-Walking Shoes (Gotten already)
-Sports shoes
-Backpack (My Cerrotorre bag is dying but still serving me faithfully after so many years)
-A new handphone (akan datang when my plan expires in August)
-Pencil case (realised I don't have a real one)
-A new watch
-World Peace (Do you guys think you can get me this one? I'm not entirely sure where to get this.....wait, yes, I know, VOTE FOR OBAMA)
-Obama as US President (Come on my American friends, surely you can give me this?)
-A vote for obama campaign pin or something

Gosh.....I feel so materialistic. Sigh.

And for those of you who visit my blog without leaving a tag.....shame on you! :p

2008-06-20T11:08:00.003+08:00

Life is taking some new directions and strengthening some old ones. Making new connections while keeping some old ones alive and well. It looks better and brighter as each day goes by. While some connections wither away, new ones blossom and the realization that new people bring in new opportunities sink in. Ok, I shall stop being so vague.....let's get on with the rest of this post.

With Aqa Moula's (TUS) karam and ehsan, I was appointed to the committee of Shababul-Eidiz-Zahabi (Singapore), the youth wing of our community. I am honoured and humbled that despite being so unworthy, I am given this responsibility. I pray that with Moula's dua mubarak, I am able to execute my duties with integrity and responsibility and do what is necessary. I ask all mumineen who read this to dua on my behalf that Aqa Moula (TUS) accepts my khidmat, however little it is. I feel so blessed.

My company just finished its first major project. The leadership training cum character development camp that we organised was fairly executed well and judging from the responses, the kids really enjoyed themselves, experienced new things and learnt a lot about themselves and their goals. Special thanks to my facilitators who put in all the extra effort to make this camp a highly successful one. Hopefully this is the start of many good things to come!

Commandant of NCDCC LTC Lim Kah Seng will be handing over his command to a new Commandant today. LTC Lim is a man I truly admire because he led NCDCC in its formative years to great success despite so many challenges facing it. He is a man who truly gets what education is all about and how to provide an all rounded education programme for NCDCC cadets. On a personal level, he always listened to the problems of his officers, went all out to try and solve them and was always open to new ideas to make the organisation better. We could not have asked for a better leader. I wish him all the best for the future! Thank you for all you have done for us Commandant Sir!

Well, I've decided that its time for me to refocus my efforts in some areas. New leaders have merged and their need the full support of their mentors. The people who have come and gone can still look to me for support but I don't know whether I can still remain proactive when it comes to them. However, I'll still expand as much energy as possible.

Still sometimes feel that I'm being taken for granted but I guess it could be nothing and it would slowly fade away....

Special semester for me starts next week. I've opted to take the experimental bio module and it sure sounds fun. I'm gunning for an A!!!!

Have fun guys :)

2008-06-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

Exhausted. Tired. But still a long way to go.

2008-06-08T20:44:00.002+08:00

I've been receiving a lot of positive comments from cadets regarding the leadership modules. I'm quite glad that many of them have really benefitted from the programme. It definitely provides fuel for volunteers like me to keep on going.

I remembered reading one of my cadet's blog ages ago. It said some thing like "I hope I don't have to go for potential training tomorrow". Potential training is given to potential SNCOs in the unit. Look at him now......it's amazing the transformation some people make.

2008-06-08T19:45:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was Mohammed's wedding. As with most Bohras weddings where the groom is local, there was lots and lots of fun! Ibrahim was the main coordinator of all the friends of the groom. We styled ourselves "DoSTARS" (a play on the word dostos which means the groom's friends in this context) and during the wedding, wore badges that reflected this.....haha.

In the afternoon, some of us stayed at Masjid to help serve lunch to the Family of Mohammed's in-laws who had come from Malaysia (Khadija Bhabi is a malaysian) while the rest went to the house to decorate the happy couple's room where they would spend their first night together. At night during the dinner, we just had loads and loads of fun. However by the time we left masjid, it was already 1 am and we had to move fast. Fortunately all the mischief and fun was over by 3am and was on my way home.

Mohammed and Khadija look very happy together and I pray that they always remain happy under the guidance and protection of Aqa Moula (TUS).

Weddings, being weddings, surface the desire of the maternal units in my life to see me happily attached too. :) We visited Dadima (grandmother) today at kakaji's house. After praying "Ya syyeda Shohadai" and Madeh of Aqa Moula to pray for her good health, Dadima mentioned that I look more and more like my grandfather. :) She was then wondering when I would find someone to complete me. She said the most important thing is that I truly love whoever I choose and that the girl loves me back.

Leaves me to wonder, is the fact that I'm alone and not attached the reason I might be feeling somehow empty? Or at least partly the reason? I would ponder a bit more on this but I did return from the wedding pretty late last night and I'm really really tired.

Not to tired though to figure out that the week ahead is long and definitely tiring. And I will not have the time or strength to resolve my issues. Sigh.

2008-06-07T10:12:00.003+08:00

Sigh. The week has been nothing less than crazy, confusing and tiring.

The NCDCC SNCO course (for new student leaders of units) was running and I was the leadership coordinator for the course. While to many running a course may seem easy, but it is most certainly not. Not by a long shot. Ok, so I wasn't the course commander but coordinating the learning of leadership for 80 over cadets is certainly not easy. As Major John would say, "Teachable moments have to be planned and created". Contrary to popular belief, teachable moments are not unplanned moments. They are totally planned. They have to be to ensure that any learning at all can take place. Thus every effort had to be made to ensure that as many teachable moments as possible were created for the cadets to learn the various aspects of leadership. And it is not easy to arouse the interest of so many 15 year olds at the same time. They have to be totally engaged and their minds totally focused while at the same time allowing them to expand their thoughts on the various aspects of leadership being learnt. Clearly, no easy task. However, when you persevere and do your job well, you feel fully rewarded (albeit fully exhausted) when you see the end product. Many SNCOs said they were inspired to become role models and better leaders for their cadets and they aspire to lead in such a way that they hope their cadets will eventually be even better than themselves. I had amazing colleagues who fully understood the need for effective education and they certainly made the course a resounding success.

On a personal front however, things have been far from celebratory. The hurricanes of confusion and helplessness that have been sweeping through me over the last 2 weeks have gained momentum. I feel lost and I cannot seem to find the directions to get back on my way again. And the most amazing thing is, I don't even know why I feel this way. In the past whenever something like this would happen, I would someone or the other to talk to about things. Right now, I'm that go-to guy for a lot of people. They can depend on me to listen to their problems. However, I don't seem to have a go-to person anymore. Maybe I have just stopped looking. God knows. I need to get out of this rut soon. Very soon. I know I can. And I will. I just might need some help. yup.

2008-06-01T12:30:00.004+08:00

Lately I have been feeling rather empty inside. I have been doing lots of stuff I like to do, no doubt, but I can't shake that feeling of emptiness within me.

I'm doing outdoor activities, I'm writing, I'm working with youths, I'm organising stuff, my company's got a big project coming up, I'm satisfied with this semester's results and quite frankly, many things are looking up for me. But why do I still feel empty inside sometimes? I guess sometimes it has to do with the fact that for many of the things I do, I can't seem to see the results quickly enough. Perhaps I am not satisfied with just what I do but I also need to see the results and feel good about it. My writing may take a decade to get published, my company may take some time before it starts off, organising is a long and arduous process with little time to enjoy the reward and youths nowadays are not the most appreciative people or it might take till they make it big to realise there were little people like me who tried to make a difference.

I'm not going to give up what I do. I love the things I'm doing but I need fulfillment. I'm starting to wonder if I'm moving away from my center. God and Aqa Moula are my centers. Am I moving away from them without realising it? How many times a day do I remember Aqa Moula compared to perhaps a year ago? I shudder to think I am moving further away. Without Aqa Moula in my life, where would I be? I need to re focus on Moula. He gives meaning to the things I do, whatever it may be. When I do something I love and I feel Aqa Moula giving me strength and guidance, I need no results. I don't need anybody to say thank you nor do I need to make a load of cash. I know that Aqa Moula will be proud of my achievements and that would be enough. I would not feel so empty inside. So its time I moved back squarely on my center. Let every step I take be a step closer to Aqa Moula (TUS).

And people, be nice. Leave a tag once in a while when you visit.

2008-05-30T22:39:00.002+08:00

Today my mobile phone was on a roll! Never in the time of my mobile phone subscription had my mobile phone ever rung that many times. And it was not just calls.....there were messages too! At first I felt rather popular and wanted (ok, I need attention, so sue me) but after a while it just got rather irritating and I almost lost it when my mobile phone told me for the 100th time that my the driver of the black BMW should report to the lobby now (my sms ringtone, btw).

My emails then got onto the act too. All three emails accounts! They just went crazy! And all the emails demanded quick responses. Every medium of communication was ganging up on me. Except my darling blog. I love you blog.

Went coffee-ing with Caleb today and had to settle for coffeebean instead of starbucks because I couldn't find starbucks. Had to settle, I guess. We chatted for a while and then went home. And I think I could possibly be a motivational speaker. Haha.

Oh well. here comes tomorrow, and I don't think its gonna be very nice either. But I'm gonna put on a big smile and meet it head on!

:)

2008-05-24T21:40:00.003+08:00

Its the eve of my birthday today, according to the Hijri (Muslim) Calender apparently. Yay.

The last few days has been a complete blur despite the fact that I've been trying to slow down the pace at which things are happening or need to happen. Sometimes I wonder why that is so. Am I afraid that there is too little time so I have to stretch the time I already have to achieve as much as I want to in life? Am I just a workaholic who just needs to be kept busy? I don't know, really.

The truth is, I like the things I do. I like organising things. I like mentoring youth. I like being part of important discussions in focus groups. I like taking part in community activities. I like writing. I like dwelling more into religion. Perhaps I like too many things. But is that wrong? Why limit myself to just a few things when life has so much to offer?

Don't get me wrong. I don't resent my life now. I really love it. But I think I need to learn how to take a break once in a while like I used to last time where I would take a good book to a Starbucks and read chapter after chapter oblivious of the world around me. Or take a long walk somewhere secluded while listening to music.

Anyway, according to the Islamic Calender, I'm a year older today. May God always keep me in the cooling shadow of Aqa Moula (TUS), who is my guide, my light, my source of strength and inspiration, my role model, my protector and my source of comfort. Moula, please hold my hand, always.

2008-05-19T20:59:00.002+08:00

I need a break. I really really need time to myself. Despite the hints I drop everywhere, nobody seems to figure this out. I am continually being presented with more and more opportunities for interaction, more and more being forced to think about my future and more and more being bombarded with guilt trips.

I just need some 'me' time. I don't ask for these moments much. When I do could I have them please? Please?

Argh!

2008-05-18T08:04:00.005+08:00

And so the day that I had been dreading for a long long time finally arrived. While I dreaded it, I knew it must come. Yesterday was the day the sec 4 cadets of Montfort NCDCC unit, the pioneer batch of NCDCC cadets, ended their term of service as NCDCC cadets with a R.O.D. ceremony.

Ever since I started the training the SNCO-designates (student leaders of the unit) to prepare them for the leadership roles they would play in the unit, I knew that one day, they would step down and say their goodbyes and carry on with their lives, armed with a range of new life skills. It was a normal process of life and the ROD ceremony, while a farewell ceremony, also marks their success.

The day before the ceremony, we had an overnight camp for all sec 4 cadets. It started at around 6pm. Before that I met Caleb (our CSM) and Jonathan (our ASM) for lunch. We reached school at around 5pm. We started off with dinner, followed by sharing sessions and a very fun and exciting war game. While absolutely exhausting, the war game was just absolutely fun! We played around for a while and then the war game just degenerated into a 'saboh' session where even the officers were not spared! Cpt Pang's fun streak became quite apparent. We then washed up and I had a sharing session with just the SNCOs. It was kind of like a final big debrief of their last one year. They shared with me what they felt were their accomplishments, their regrets, what they hoped for the future and their hopes for the unit. The rest of the sec fours joined up with us later and the sharing continued. Finally, we got too hungry and some of them headed fr the 7-eleven for some food and Cpt Pang, Caleb, Johnathan, Kang Hao and myself headed to the roti prata shop to have a midnight snack. When we came back, it was around 3am. After a bit more chatting exhaustion overcame us, or at least Mr Pang and myself and we went to sleep, after talking a lot more.

After waking up, we got ready for the day. There was an indoor ceremony in the AVA theatrette. I was called up by the emcee to give the first speech. I was contemplating what I would say because I never seem to be able to say everything I want when I give speeches. So I did better. I made sure I said everything I wanted to say to the sec 4s the night before. In the speech, I paid tribute to the sec 4s who were not SNCOs but made significant contributions to the unit. Then I turned my attention to the SNCOs. I had no idea how I managed to talk about them without tearing. I almost did. Cpt Pang and Major Howard then gave speeches after which the certificates and awards were given out. I was to give the plaques to the SNCOs. As every SNCO came to receive his plaque, I shook their hand and told them how proud I was of each of them. The Best Unit Cadet and SCDF-NCDCC Pinnacle Badge awards were given to Caleb. I was so proud of him. Thinking of what he was like when I was first posted to the unit and how much he had grown and matured into an aspiring young leader, I must say that cadets like him
give volunteers like me the motivation to keep doing what we do. Then a video was played which traced the journey of the sec 4 cadets from the time they entered NCDCC till now. It was prepared by the Sec 3s with a little help from me. I chose two songs, Graduation by Vitamin C followed Long Goodbye by RonanKeating to be played in accompaniment to the video. I must say the songs made the whole video rather emotional.

Then all the 5 SNCOs came up to give a speech. Caleb's speech was rather emotional and he was tearing up all the way. He spoke about his experiences in NCDCC and left some advice for his successors. He thanked me in his speech for inspiring him to become a better leader. I may not remember the words exactly but the sentiments are still clear and vivid in my mind. Johnathan than spoke about what NCDCC meant to him followed by Pradeep, Shi Jing and Kang Hao. I was really impressed by Shi Jing as he stood up there speaking. Like Caleb, he had really come very far to become a really amazing individual.

We ended the indoor session with a photo taking session. In the informal photo, I decided to be really informal and sit in the middle with my cadets.

Finally, the ROD parade segment. The parade stood at attention and the OC Unit, Cpt Kevin Pang accepted the salute. The NCDCC Song was played and the NCDCC pledge was recited. Then came a truly emotional part. All the officers went onto the parade square and shook hands with all the secondary 4 cadets. When I came to Nathaeneal, he asked me for a hug. :) He is another cadet I am proud of. Instead of taking the easy way out, he decided to persevere and even made to the GOH contingent for Founders' Day this year.

The final part of the parade was when WO Caleb Castro handed back his symbol of Authority as CSM, the wooden pace stick, to the OC unit. He then asked for permission for the parade to be dismissed and the sec fours to ROD. He gave the 'bersurai' command and when they left their ranks, the sec 4s threw their berets into the air to signify their successful completion of the NCDCC programme.

What happened after that was a complete blur. I was really tired and I had to get ready for a meeting of the Youth Organising Committee of the Asean Youth Festival. I do remember the sec 4s coming to talk to me and I do remember talking with Mr Pang about our Sec 3s. Beyond that is a blur.

When I finally reached home after the meeting, I fell asleep. After I woke up, the exhaustion mostly gone, I was just overcome with a feeling of sadness. Sure, it was a happy occasion to see our sec 4 boys grown up becoming young men. But I had already started to miss them terribly. I started to get quite upset and unfortunately, mum and dad saw me in this state. They were really concerned and almost wanted to cancel their dinner appointment if I didn't tell them what was wrong. I finally had to tell them and mum was like "Yeah you will be sad for a while but eventually you'll be just proud of them." Dad said (joking of course) that he wouldn't know what I'd do if I had a daughter and had to give her away on her wedding. (ha.ha.) Mr pang also sent me some supportive SMSes.

I pray to God that he protects my cadets on their journey in life henceforth and that no matter what challenges lie ahead, they would be able to overcome it and be successful in life.

Guys, I'm really really going to miss you.

Post-script
I remember writing in one of my earlier posts long ago that I was afraid that I wouldn't leave any lasting legacy in the world before I died. Its not my name that I want to leave behind. I just wanted to make sure that I was part of something that helps to make the world a better place. Now, I think that I don't hove to worry. I think I'm part of that something now. And I don't ever want to stop.

2008-05-12T09:22:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday (2 days ago), I was part of a sharing session where we had to introduce ourselves and then talk about a picture we had selected earlier. We were supposed to describe what struck us about that picture and how we feel that picture represents us.

I selected a picture of people jumping off the "flying fox", i.e. zipline. I said that the picture struck me because it represented to me an aspect of training students. When a participant first comes to the top of the eight storey structure from which he has to jump off and goes to the edge, he will feel afraid of jumping off.

Thus the instructor's role is to not only ensure safety of the participant, but to also assure the participant that he is safe and to give him the confidence that he can do this. So the duties are three fold of the instructor: To ensure the participant's safety, to bring down the fear level of the participant by showing him the safety measures that have been taken and to increase his confidence level so that he will make the jump of the structure and zipline all the way to the other side.

Similarly, when giving a student the opportunity to exercise leadership, he may be afraid at first. He may feel that he is not yet capable enough to do what has been assigned to him. Thus it is the facilitator's job to remove the barrier of fear for this big step. The facilitator has to ensure the student has been equipped with the necessary skills before hand. He has to up the student's confidence while bringing down his fear by motivating and encouraging him.

I'll use an example from the NCDCC context. If you make a cadet the platoon i/c for the first time, the officer should not scream at him for every mistake he makes. He should encourage him and motivate him while correcting his mistakes. This would build up the cadet's confidence and he will not be closed to learning from his mistakes as he would feel that he is in an environment which encourages him to learn from his mistakes. Once his initial confidence is built up, the cadet can be given more opportunities in leadership and will be able to enjoy the learning process and benefit greatly from it. Of course once he is comfortable in his leadership role, more challenges should be given to him to expand his potential.

We can never completely prepare a student for the challenges of assuming a leadership role. Just like we can never prepare a participant well enough and tell him/her what to expect as he/she slides down the zipline. They would have to experience it first hand. Similarly, when given the opportunity, students will have to experience what being a leader is first hand. We can never fully prepare them. And most importantly, we need to know as facilitators when to let go so that the student is truly uninhibited to explore his full potential.

2008-05-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

Goodness! The last few days have really been a blur. I thought I would have some time to relax once the exams were over but its seems that the engine is still chugging on as the coal is still burning. Exams ended on a happy note on Tuesday (which exams don't end on a happy not?) and I went home and did some scheduled slacking. Yes, you read it right. Scheduled slacking. That happy moment didn't last for very long. The next day I was back at work at HQ NCDCC where some heavy duty stuff was done. I was supposed to have watched "Iron Man" at night but somebody cancelled out on me at the last minute. Boo! Yesterday was spent typing out many many official sounding email to many official sounding people. Today the morning was spent at HQ again and the afternoon was spent at Pulau Ubin. Yes. CCK to Changi. I do a lot of travelling. From the west to the east. I'm a jet-setter, I tell you. My life is glamorous. I live in denial.

Tomorrow, my dear readers, I will be having a meeting in the morning followed by tuition in the afternoon. At night, If I'm not wrong, there will be a wedding party I'm supposed to attend I think. The next day, tuition in the morning, bbq in the afternoon and year 2 reunion party at night! Finally some fun!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo gonna watch Iron Man next week. Yes, I am! Wipe that smirk off your face you!

I was watching episodes from season one of The West Wing. It's one of my favourite shows! I'm telling you if I had a choice of choosing any job in the world I like, I would like to be the President of The United States of America. He like gets to deal with so many world issues and the decisions he makes can really make a difference in the lives of people all over the world. Plus flying on Air Force One is cool! :) Too bad I'm not a natural born American citizen.

2008-05-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

This blog is now listed on http://www.planetbohra.org

So Cool!

2008-05-04T19:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday before the Metabolism and Regulation exam, I freaked out. I didn't bring along my secret weapon: chocolate. Fortunately I have a friend like Xian Keng aka Ferdinand who brought extra Mars Bars to uni that day. He offered me one. I was so touched. A friend in need is a friend indeed. :)

2008-05-02T19:44:00.002+08:00

Exams start tomorrow. yay. They end on Tuesday. Yay!!!!!

Tomorrow is metabolism. The subject is powerfully boring. It lists out each and every metabolic process that happens in the body. And we need to know all of it! All! Including enzymes, co factors, and by products! ARGH!

Ribonucleotide reductase........converts ribonucleotides to deoxyribonucleotides........wait, is that right? I think so. Whats carbomyl phosphate? Crabomyl phosphate synthase II makes it right? RIGHT? ARGH!

Study study study. Now now now!

2008-04-30T22:17:00.002+08:00

I end this day feeling super hyper. Drank four cups of chai today. 4 cups of chai!!!! Wheeeeeeeeee!

When I brought in my fourth cup into the mc room, Junwen was like, "What! Again?"

I used to drink lots of coffee when I was in JC but kicked the habit when I got overly dependent on it. Now my obsession with chai begins.

Tea, simply nothing like it.

2008-04-29T13:10:00.004+08:00

The life of a university student during examinations......sigh.

7am: Wake up, brush teeth, wash up, pray, have breakfast, read the paper, drag sleepy self around the house...
8.30am: Get books together to study. Get totally motivated seeing the books. Watch some TV, you earned a break after motivating yourself.
9.30am: Go back to the books. Make a page of hand-written notes. Check your email ten times, someone important might send you one. Facebook.
10.30am: Back to the books, hit a difficult concept, walk around the house to try to internalize the concept. Watch tv to help your brain internalize the concept as it relaxes. SMS a few people.
11.30am: Find out whats for lunch and whether or not its worth looking forward to. Get back to the books. Throw away that difficult concept. Surely it wouldn't be tested for the exams. Right?
12.30pm. Although not hungry, eat lunch anyway.

Haha. Yes, and that leaves us with guilty pangs, right guys?

Well, thankfully, my day is slightly more productive. Slightly. Got the photos around my desk rearranged to add some new ones. My desk is a mess. Have a look at it for yourself:

Cool yeah?

Back to the books......sigh. Glycolysis, lipid biosynthesis, TCA cycle....... :(

2008-04-26T22:49:00.004+08:00

Yesterday the cadets of Montfort NCDCC did the school proud, did NCDCC proud and did me proud by performing beyond the highest expectations to execute a perfect parade as Guard of Honour for Montfort School's founder's day.

For almost four months, these cadets have been waking up early in the morning to undergo very taxing training, but they never complained, they just kept pushing on to ensure that they give nothing less than their best. They worked hard so that they would realise their final goal.

I hardly slept on Friday night and finally gave on sleep around 4 am and went to get ready. had a really slow breakfast while reading LKY's memoirs. Then jumped on a bus to Montfort. The cadets got ready and drew their guns and did a final rehearsal. Then it was time for the pep-talk. Cpt Pang and myself spoke to the cadets about how much they had worked towards this and that now this was the moment that would bring fruition to their efforts. I almost choked up with tears at this moment. We then asked the cadets to take positions and they performed the wonderful parade.

After that was a photo taking session with the cadets and I spoke with the parents to thank them for their support. After that it was over.

I got the sec 4s in the room and spoke to them about their coming O levels and how they have to put aside their CCA and work towards a good L1R5. It was their final NCDCC session. After the exams when they come back on the 17th, it would already be their POP ceremony. When I was speaking to them about winding down from their CCA, I could almost feel the pain in them around the room. Especially from Caleb who was sitting right beside me. These people are the pioneers of the unit. They've already spent more than 3 years together building up the unit, going through good and bad times together. And the next time they would meet in uniform for pop, it would be over.

The unit's success doing this GOH means one thing, that despite being a young unit, the unit is strong just like other NCDCC units around Singapore. NCDCC's aim to become a Choice UG is gaining momentum and people know that when they see a NCDCC cadet, they will see leadership, a responsible citizen and somebody who knows basic civil defence skills which could one day save a life. I'm honoured to be part of this. To be part of an organisation which believes in building the character of the younger generation and ensuring that our cadets will be equipped with leadership skills that are not necessarily learnt in the classroom.

The sec 4s invited me to go K-box (is that how its spelt?) after the GOH was over. I declined. Not only did I need to study but I needed to re-charge for things to come.

The cadets have done us proud. The parade is over. Yet the spirit lingers. How does one cope with such wonderful memories knowing that it is now over? How does one move on even higher after spending so much of himself to achieve a new high? I think of what I was telling Sarah Cheng after production was over. I would move on to other things, even better things but once in a while, when all is quiet, I would smile quietly to myself remembering how wonderful i felt training the cadets and watching them grow from boys to men.

Pictures of the event can be found on the Montfort NCDCC Blog http://1st-in-last-out.blogspot.com. Links to more photos would be added later.

Leave a tag. :)

2008-04-25T22:35:00.001+08:00

The peak is now in sight. Tomorrow, my dear cadets, we'll be at the peak, we'll conquer the mountain and we'll be on the top of the world.

Have a good rest!

2008-04-24T23:47:00.003+08:00

I was looking through a scrapbook that I had made when I had just graduated from Victoria School. I became a bit overwhelmed with emotion. Even though I have stopped going back to VS for volunteer activities for more than 3 years, I don't think I have ever completely let go of that place. But I guess the emotions I felt had nothing to do with VS as it is now. I studied in the old school, for me the Victorian Spirit emanated from each brick in the Geyalng Bahru campus. I miss the atmosphere, my friends, my experiences, many of which have made me the person I am today. I miss, hanging out in the prefects room, studying late into the night in the small study tables that were in the most deserted parts of the school, the ghost stories, the numerous camps, everything, just everything. I miss my friends from the prefectorial board and the fun we all had together. Wow.

I'm definitely not good at saying goodbye. I never have been. I suppose that's why I'm such a sentimental fool. (A SNAG-sensitive new age guy-my friends call me....lol) That's probably why I can never fully let go of anything.

Very soon my sec 4 cadets will be saying their own goodbyes. This Saturday, the GOH, will mark the end of their service as SNCOs in NCDCC. The next time they come back to NCDCC, it'll be time for their POP. I'll miss all of them, I really will, especially my SNCOs. Wow, its difficult just typing this out. You never forget your first batch. I don't think I'll ever forget these guys.

P.S. And people, be nice. If you visit my blog, leave a tag!

2008-04-24T15:54:00.004+08:00

Tonight is the eve of Aqa Moula's (TUS) 97th Milad Mubarak (birthday). To mumineen all around the world, Mubarak Mubarak!. And whats more, we've received the good news that tomorrow, we will be able to see and hear Aqa Moula (TUS) because there is a live relay of his waaz mubarak (sermon). Tomorrow, we will be so blessed! Showers of barakat will drench us! Moula will pray for us and do dua for us.

I am so lucky to have Aqa Moula (TUS) in my life. I cannot imagine my life without him. Who would have guided me to become who I am today? Who would have been my role model? When things get tough, who would I remember that would come and help me? Who would have shown me the true faith and path towards God? Who would have shown me that faith and religion is nothing without love? Only you Moula, only you.

Moula tomorrow please pray for me. Please pray for my faith, for my studies, for my company, for success this coming Saturday morning, for my future. And with your dua mubarak, I know the world will be a better place, for everyone.

May Khuda ta'ala give Moula a long and healthy life ta-rozay Qiyamat. Ameen!

Milad Mubarak!

2008-04-23T20:26:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday on the 19th of April, I was deeply honoured to be awarded the Special Service Award by Nanyang Junior College. I was given the award because my my past four years of service to the college. I was quite surprised to hear that I was going to receive this award when Mr Victor Tan told me about it. When I arrived at the college, Mr Tan escorted me to my seat which was in the VIP section. We did a bit of catching up and also met my fellow Nanyang Alumni Association ExCo members. Soon the event started. I was the first name to be announced with a citation and the vice-princiapl stood up to show me to the stage. I was so thankful to all of them for making me feel so welcome at NYJC. Indeed, I'll never regret my decision to have gone to that JC. Even after so many years I still feel so welcome. And I'll be going to facilitate at the NYJC Leadership Training Camp this year again! So exciting!

Met Major John today. He patiently listened to me and as usual, gave me new perspectives and very good advice. He told me that as a leader, I should not only be able to solve technical problems but also problems that start to affect me personally. That in a higher position, I should find better, more mature solutions to problems as I carry more responsibility. There were so many learning moments for me in that short session with him. :)

All the UGs at Montfort Sec have been working very hard to make this Saturday's Founder's Day a highly successful one and I'm confident that due to everyone's hard work, this founder's day could be our best one yet. Two more days....

So exhausted now but so much more work left to be done...

2008-04-20T20:35:00.001+08:00

To my ncdcc cadets, check out my message to you guys on the Montfort ncdcc blog at http://1st-in-last-out.blogspot.com

:)

2008-04-19T10:31:00.006+08:00

After the car ride (whew), I finally reached Montfort and changed into my uniform in time to get the cadets ready for the GOH rehearsal. It was a roller-coaster. Cpt Pang and myself were very thankful that Encik Firdaus, Encik Haramain and Lta Sameer were able to come down to Montfort yesterday to help with the final arrangements and formations for the GOH. I think in the end, everyone was more or less satisfied, some more than others. My cadets had to work with the new arrangements. It was pretty tough on them. I think the guns started getting to heavy for some of them but to their credit, they kept going. During the water break when I asked them how they felt, all of them screamed back "awesome, sir!". What great cadets! However, their drills still lacked a certain something that would differentiate good from fantastic. Encik haramain commented that the npcc cadets were marching with that certain something so we asked the ncdcc cadets to watch the npcc contingent march past. They were standing tall and straight with a lot of gusto. I've always maintained that if we can learn something good from someone else, we should go all out and learn it from them. It is illogical and stupid to state 'pride' as a reason for not learning something worthwhile from another group. After my cadets looked at the npcc contingent (and got a bit of shouting from me), they polished up their performance and improved significantly. Cpt Pang told me that the Principal, VPs and Mr Loh were impressed with the timing and drills after that. So were Encik Firdaus, Encik Haramain and Sameer.

I thought that we had been pretty tough on them already so after they had returned their water mist guns to the armoury, I sat down with the cadets for a light hearted session with them. We joked around and I used this oppotunity also to try and motivate them to accelerate and work hard towards Founder's day which is in 7 days. We held the sec 3s back after everybody else went home, to announce who will be going for the SNCO course and to prep them for what is to come. After that I walked toward the ncdcc room when I saw Shijing rushing into the room and I opened the door to find Shijing sitting down on the floor with blood dripping from his forehead. As the boy ran into the room, he tripped and banged with head against the door which resulted in a deep cut above his left eye. I applied pressure using my hand until somebody finally passed me some gauze. Cpt Pang in his calm manner got everything arranged to transport him to the nearest clinic. We waited until the doc finished stitching him up. Shijing was very brave about it :).

And I went back home, all tired but glad to have spent nother day with my cadets.

2008-04-19T09:33:00.002+08:00

Human Relations group project was over last Thursday marking the end of this very interesting module. This module rally helps to analyse why people behave the way they do and it teaches us not to judge people because their behaviour and cognition are all due to their background, or socialization as sociologists tend to call it. Not forgetting the wonderful friends I made in the class and my super-duper group mates: Tong Wei (dragon lady), Joel (pork bun), chin soon (ok, i forgot your nickname), Jivan (the not so great) and of course myself (walawala). :) It was great working with you guys to analyse the social image of the Singapore Girl! (a great way to fly apparently).

Yesterday there was a metabolism test in the morning which despite my lack of mugging was easy to pull through. I'm honestly not sure how many marks I'll get for it but with some luck, I'll get some marks which I'll not be embarrassed to repeat to others. Haha.

After the test I did something I hadn't done in a long time, sit down with some of my friends from life sciences and had a Burger King lunch with them. Ok so it was only two of them but better than nothing right? Haha. Weizhen kept Anne and me in good humour with his many jokes and stories of his exploits with the French lady who wants to keep him for two years (lol....it's not what it sounds like....he's got a research opportunity under this french scientist at nus and he has to give a 2-year commitment).

After lunch I did my prayers and I drove (yes, I drive) to Montfort Secondary School. Many thanks to Biying who found out the shortest and most direct route for me to get there from NUS. I was listening to some Marsiya and Madeh (devotional hymns) on the way there and I was suddenly overwhelmed. I was thinking that every moment of my Life, Aqa Moula (tus) must be thinking about me and doing Dua for me and the rest of the mumineen in the world. What Have I been doing? After coming back from Ashara Mubaraka in Colombo, how have I changed my life? Have I followed any of Aqa Moula's farmaan? Have I made an effort to become a better mumin, a better human being? Have I made a conscious effort to ensure that I exemplify what being a mumin is all about? Have I gone out of my way to help anyone? Have I kept Moula in my thoughts everyday, every minute? Have I said my prayers five times a day, on time? Have I read the Quran-e-Majeed at least twice a day when I wake up and before I go to sleep? Do I make an effort to remember Imam Husain (AS) who sacrificed his life for the forgiveness of our sins everyday? Have I done my part to make this world a better place for all of God's creatures? Sadly, its for all these small things that make us a mumin, my answer is no. Sometimes i feel my faith slipping away from me faster than I can grasp it. But I know Moula is on my side. I know that everyday Moula is praying for my salvation here and for the hereafter. Whenever I look at Moula's photo sitting on my desk, I cannot help but think that here's a man who sacrifices everything for us, so that one day when we reach the presence of Imam-uz-Zaman, we will have nothing to fear, beacuse Moula will be there and he will tell the Imam: "Here is a mumin, he loved me, he loved the Imams, He wept for Imam Husain, he made a difference in this world. Oh Imam-uz-zaman, please bring him with you to falak-e-mohit." I'm going to make a consicious effort to be a better mumin from today and I know in Aqa Moula's cooling shadow, I will succeed.

2008-04-15T17:47:00.002+08:00

Apparently I'm naggy..... Boy, did that hurt.

2008-04-15T17:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my UROPS presentation. For days before, I had been tweking my prsentation here and there to try and get it to be perfect. Of course, a lot of thanks has to be given to Dr Mahesh for getting me to do a dry run in front of my fellow interns at DSO and giving me so many many tips which helped a lot when I was doing my actual presentation.

The presentation went well except for a few glitches at question and answers. Dr Mahesh rushed down from a conference so that he could be at the presentation to give me support. Thanks doc!

Oh well, exams are coming......

2008-04-15T16:56:00.006+08:00

After a little blogging hiatus I've decided to get back on the blogging scene. According to last sunday's papers, Singapore are 'sincere'. We blog for the sake of blogging and not money, like many bloggers in the west who blog for money. Makes me feel better, I think.

Last few weeks has been quite of a blur but very exciting. Shahzada Qusai BS Vajihuddin (Son of his Holiness, Aqa Moula) arrived in Singapore in the capacity of Saheb-e-Dawat (Special representative of His Holiness). My family was very very fortunate as Shahzada Saheb accepted our ziafat invitation (lunch). The ziafat was held at the Darul-Imarat as he was going to leave Singapore later that day. Shahzada saheb gave us a lot of Sharaf as he even came down to the Masjid to lead afternoon prayers. Soon after the ziafat started and Shahzada Saheb did lots of dua (prayers) for Dad and Mum. I was quite happy for both of them because they have had the blessings of Shahzada saheb's guidance in many aspects of their lives. Mum had Shahzada saheb's guidance and dua in her studies and now she's doing her PhD and MBA both at the same time! And dad has been in the khidmat of Dawat for so long all under Shahzada saheb's auspices. Shahzada saheb also blessed me and reviewed my khidmat in fire safety during Ashara Mubaraka. Qadir's khidmat was also arazed and shazada saheb blessed him too. Shahzada Saheb also blessed my company, Duck Learning! And then lunch :) All in all, I felt rather lucky that day and really privileged to be the recipient of so much dua, barakat and blessings.

Left: Shahzada saheb leading afternoon prayers during our ziafat.
Below: Shahzada Saheb blessing me and doing dua for me and Qadir beside me.

2008-03-28T00:41:00.003+08:00

Today I regretted doing something which I did out of impulse. I lost my temper at one of my SNCOs when all he was trying to do was show some initiative and try to make something better from his point of view. I should have just explained to him that in the future, if he has an idea he should approach his officers first before putting his ideas into action. Instead I shouted at him. I felt really bad about it. In fact I'm still feeling bad about it. I called him aside during water break and apologized to him. I think that's the least I could do.

Its like you try so hard to be the perfect mentor but then something like this happens which shakes your confidence.

2008-03-26T20:31:00.003+08:00

I've finally submitted my UROPS final report. While there is still a presentation pending, I think the worst is over. UROPS was an exciting but very intensive research experience. I have to thank my professor A/P Shabbir Moochhala for giving me this opportunity and guding me along, my supervisor, Dr Mahesh, for being an inspiration, always guiding patiently, always allowing me to explore and always willing to stay back extra hours when I needed to work overtime. I also wanna thank Alicia, Shiao Hui, Lifang, Meiqi and Jia Ling for their friendship, weird nicknames and help throughout the year that I was attached to the lab. I think I've learnt a lot and experienced things you couldn't experience in any other module. Research is intensive and certainly not for those who aren't committed to it. But there is a certain magic about hoping to find things that support your hypothesis, optimizing failed experiments, watching your probes bind to your template DNA in your light scanner.......Amazing. :)

2008-03-23T19:52:00.002+08:00

Exhaustion. Exhaustion. Exhaustion.

Seriously, there's no end in sight. When it seems that the workload is going to get less, it just gets more, and more. And more. It is never-ending. My UROPS report is due tomorrow and I have not yet completed it. It is going to be an all-nighter today. And tomorrow when I get back home at around 6-plus pm, I will have to go through another all-nighter to study for a freaking CA for molecular biology on Tuesday afternoon. Two days without sleep, I wonder what that will do to me. Prof Teo has been super-duper nice and has extended the paper 2 deadline for Human Relations till next week. Thank goodness, otherwise I might not get any sleep on Wednesday as well.

The week otherwise has been pretty good. However, I just wish I had been more productive. I must go to the Chatterbox at USP less often and study at the library or something where I will not distract myself. Yes you heard it right. I distract myself. Sometimes I'm a hyper kid. Good god.

I went to Montfort yesterday to find my boots were missing. I searched high and low for them and got rather worried because you can't achieve much with your uniform without boots. As it is I lost my gutters and was using rubber bands instead. I finally found my boots. They were all polished and very very shiny (with masking tape and the works). My sec 4 cadets polished my boots for me! I was so so touched. It was a really really nice gesture. Thanks guys! :) You know, Montfort ncdcc cadets are really great.

I have to get back on my 'healthy living' plan. As some people have so happily declared, I've not been sticking to it. But I'm going to try again with more determination!

Got more stuff to type but not enough time to type it. So will reserve that for another time. perhaps Wednesday when I have more time.

2008-03-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

I am totally exhausted at the moment yet I fins the insatiable urge to blog. Truly, there are very times in my life where I have found myself so exhausted. Nowadays, the exhaustion seems to come in higher intensities and greater frequencies. I am beginning to wonder if my physical state has declined and is unable to keep up with my activities which have only increased. I think there is much truth in my theory and have to work towards becoming much much healthier. Just today due to excessive socialising on my part (all platonic!), I drank 3 cans of coke. 3 cans!!! When I came home, I reached out for jar with the Tang powder to make a drink for myself to have with dinner but I felt guilty pangs (for the first time in a long time) and settled for plain water instead. Thus, I have decided that:
(1) I will not eat fast food for the next 2 weeks (I can almost hear BY laughing her head off)
(2) I will work out every morning for at least 20 mins before starting my day
(3) I will not drink soft and sweet drinks and will settle for water or tea
There. I will be a healthier person in no time.

The last few weeks have been crazy. My UROPS project needs to be completed and there is no end in sight I'll have to go to the lab tomorrow to finish my research and hopefully start off on my report which is due really really really soon.

Things in NCDCC have also been hectic. Montfort NCDCC unit is chosen to do the GOH for their Founder's Day and motivating the cadets to put in their best throughout all the trainings is an exhausting task. However, the cadets perform miracles each and every time. They rise up to every occasion and are working really hard towards their goal. They're amazing cadets. The sec 4s will be passing out a week after GOH. I'm gonna miss all of them esp my SNCOs. Now a new batch of cadets will be coming up to take over the leadership positions and prove themselves. Its going to be exciting.

Back to work!!!!

2007-11-15T16:24:00.001+08:00

The last few days went by pretty well. Last Tuesday my cadets at Montfort Sec organised a barbeque and I was pretty impressed by their enthusiasm and spirit in organising and conducting the whole event. More importantly, it clearly showed that the mission Cpt Howard led starting almost two years back to create a united unit with its own identity has definitely been a success. Now very soon he is going to leave the unit to become the head of the training dept in HQ NCDCC. While still remaining my boss (haha), I will definitely miss him in Montfort. I believe I had a great working relationship with him and he was a wonderful OC. I do look forward to working under him in his new position.

2007-11-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

Ok I have to admit......I get star struck easily. But today was a fantastic day. Haha. I was given the opportunity to hear one of my favourite politicians, Tony Blair, the former prime minister of Britain, give a speech on the challenges of global governance at NUS today! On top of that, I was even able to ask him a question during the Q&A session after that.

Went with some of the dudes and dudettes from USP to the UCC. I was unfortunately given a 2&3 level ticket, which disappointed me extremely. Aik Heng was the only one among us who had a level 1 ticket. And guess what he did? He exchanged it with me! Can you believe it? Yup, there are still such nice people in the world. I owe you big time Aik!

But the troubles weren't over. I was seated in the last few rows. I was told that unless we have a specific ticket, I couldn't sit in the front. After that, I saw many people holding similar tickets to mine going to the front and seating. It was as if they were being rewarded for coming in late! So I took my stuff, walked out of the hall and came in 'late' too. Haha. Managed to get a seat in the front after that.

After some waiting, The Right Honourable Tony Blair finally entered the hall and after a short introduction by the Dean of the LKY School of Public Policy, Tony Blair finally came to the podium to deliver his speech.

It was, in my opinion, a very enlightening speech. While the themes of globalisation and international cooperation are constantly talked about, he brought in a new perspective saying how institutions need to be built to facilitate global governance, how effective alliances need to be created between countries and how civic societies need to be empowered to act on the global stage.

I was impressed with his take on the Middle east peace process. He talked about how justice needs to be seen to be served. While Israeli security has to be catered for, the Palestinians must also be assured that they will finally be given statehood.

He gave many interesting anecdotes about his time in office, the North Ireland peace process, how he got his first mobile phone after he left office and his first meeting with LKY.

He is a great speaker and very charismatic. And he makes sense. A lot of sense.

I managed to ask him a question. I asked him that despite his calls for global action, are there too many global players in the Middle East peace process and is this causing the peace process to slow down? Another question I asked him was if he believed that the Middle east would achieve peace the same way North Ireland did? That is that the next generation of Irish leaders forgot about the pain of the past and wanted to move on to a new future.

His answer? He doesn't believe that too many players are causing the peace process to halt. He does believe however, that the players that should be doing something aren't doing it and those that wish to exploit the situation are coming in and exploiting it for their own benefits. He says that the necessary players need to step up and play their role. He then discussed the framework in which peace can be achieved.

After hearing him talk about his ideas, I believed that finally, after President Clinton, we now have another person who truly wants peace in the Middle East and has the potential to stop the bloodshed between Israelis and Palestinians and bring peace to the region for everyone, regardless of race or religion, to live together in harmony.

In the end I felt what he said at the end of the session was very profound. That leaders should not live in the past if they hope to make a better future.

Got to meet Mr Zainul Abideen Rasheed, Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, during the reception after the talk and speak to him about various things.

Overall, it was a great day. :)

2007-11-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

Slightly more than 2 weeks to exams and I still cannot make head or tail of anything. This is worrying.

And that's good. I'm finally worrying.

Sigh.

3 Response paper and 1 Term Paper to go.....

2007-11-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

Wow.....my last update was in July....Seriously, I have to do something about my problem with procrastination.

Actually, I don't have a problem with procrastination. In fact, I'm great friends with it! Everytime it rears its big ugly head around the corner, I actually run towards procrastination and embrace it like a long lost brother. Yes, we're so close now, I'm starting to consider procrastination as family.

Yes, you may say that a positive outcome from this is that I've gained a close friend. Yes, I may seem to enjoy life and have no worries. However, in a deep dark corner of my mind, I know life is going to explode. All the things I have abandoned in order to embrace procrastination will one day be too much to fit into that tiny dark corner and the barrier holding it all in will give way and that will be the end of it.

And how exactly will "the end of it" look like? Deadlines passing with no work submitted, feeling lousy because I know I have the potential to do much better but didn't, failing hopelessly in exams because I could've have studied and gotten great marks but didn't, being totally unsuccessful in business because I didn't manage to catch the opportunities when I should have and panadol after panadol tablet to deal with the immense stress of trying to finish work that only I can and need to do.

What can I do? I have to break this parasitic relationship. Procrastination has found a great host in me, a great friend who embraces it. Hoewvwer, I must abandon it. For there is little time left.

2007-07-28T18:25:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged in the longest time.... I guess preparing for FOC was taking up most of my time and I really didn't want to spend all my free time blogging when I could be doing something else I really needed....sleep.

So the University Scholars Club Freshmen Orientation Camp ended last Friday. And it was amazing. Everything worked like clockwork, there were close to no problems and everyone had lots and lots of fun. And when it all ended, I was happy but sad at the same time. Happy that the project ended so successfully but sad that the fun times we had working together for this project were finally at an end. The core com worked together effectively and the sub comms performed remarkably. And also many thanks to the OGLs who signed up for the camp and made it so fun! When the core com started eleven months ago, we sought to make this camp, its planning process and all included, an experience of a lifetime for everyone by ensuring every step in the journey was fun. And now that the camp is over and the wrapping up process begins, I must say that we were highly successful in our mission of fun. There were of course trying times, but I never regretted for a moment taking this project up. And this is due in no small part to the wonderful experiences that I now bring away with me and the wonderful people that I worked with that made the experiences wonderful. As the director of th project, I am beaming proud :). There are so many people to thank, and I have tried in my limited capacity to thank all of them. And once more, everyone, Thank You!

And now that FOC has ended, moving on to other stuff...

-HoZeFa-

2007-06-29T22:54:00.001+08:00

Went for a special sabaq (religious class) yesterday. Aqa Moula (TUS) had graciously given raza (permision) mumineen to learn from the kitab (book) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin (RA), the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq who lived in Yemen and is buried in the hill-top town of Hutaib. The title of the book is Tambi-hul-Gaafelin which is loosely translates into "Waking up those who are asleep". Indeed, how deep in sleep we are!

In his preamble, Aamil Saheb (who was teaching the class) stated that the book was written as an answer to a person who lamented to Syedna Hatim about the state of society. How people lived at odds with each other instead of working together with one another. Syedna Hatim effectively explains why true believers of the faith should adopt good social habits. Not just because it is good and we need to be good.....it goes even deeper than that. And Syedna Hatim also explains (using very creative and understandable similies in my opinion) what are these good social habits and how we can improve the world by just improving ourselves. How we can reduce conflict in the world by following the simple guidelines laid out in the Holy Quran. Syedna Hatim also clearly explains and elaborates on the points found in the Quran.

It was only one lesson and there are many more to come but I will try my best to follow what I have learnt. And on my first day today I have found out that it is easier said than done. But I must at least try.

The Kitab was written as a response to a man's lament on the state of society. Indeed now the world is in conflict. The people of the world are sleeping. And Aqa Moula, in all his wisdom, knew exactly what mumineen needed to wake up. Tambi-hul-Gaafelin.

While each word from the Kitab places a man deep in thought on his actions, it also goes to show one thing. That Islam, in its essensce, is peace. It advocates peace, it requires its followers to live peacefully and co-exist peacefully with other in this world. Only then it would be possible to co-exist peacefully in the next. Unfortunately, many elements who claim to be Islamic don't seem to understand that. It is such a pity.

I am ever thankful to the Lord that I am a follower of Aqa Moula (TUS) who is the true advocate for what Islam is all about.

2007-06-27T21:49:00.000+08:00

Right now things are getting quite hectic as the usp freshman orientation camp comes creeping slowly. Today I had to make a difficult decision. It was difficult as my team mates would now have to do extra work and many others who helped us may not be too happy with the decision. But I believe the decision was the right one. I was reminded of something Bill Clinton wrote in his autobiography that a certain decision he was making at that moment in time was opposed by 80% of the electorate. He reasoned that if he didn't make the right decision and when the bad effects of it becomes apparent, he could not tell the people that he didn't make the right decision because 80% of them opposed him making the decision that he thought was right. I am thankful, however, that my core com members are so supportive and I'm confident we'll able to pull through hard times to organise a highly successful camp.

2007-06-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts of the day.....

It's so typical of me. One day I would be on such a high having accomplished something and the next day I will be all down again depressed about what I cannot achieve. Why am I such a perfectionist when I don't have the ability to live up to my own expectations? Why do I have so high expectations which I don't have the will to live up to? Argh! Perhaps high expectations are a blessing but at the moment, it's more a bane.

I don't know if I can ever fall in love again. The last time that happened, it didn't work out. Now i'm forever afraid that things will not work out. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid to get close to anyone because in the end, I'm afraid I'll get hurt. But at the moment, love is not a priority. I'm not particularly looking for someone. I have too many other things to think about.

My social life is an almost zero. I don't know how it came to be this way. I used to be full of life and always had people to go out and watch a movie with. Now I don't really think so. I haven't watched any of the latest movies because I can't find anyone to go with. What would be closer to the truth is that I don't know who to call to go with. Sigh. Have to do something about this.

Gonna take a break today from everything. Things start again tomorrow.

HoZe

2007-06-10T20:04:00.000+08:00

NCDCC ATC June 2007 has just ended. I'm really tired right now and my eyes are burning like anything. But since I can't sleep at the moment I think I'll just type my thoughts down and see what I can do after that.

The last 7 days were amazing. Tiring, but amazing. Monday till Thursday was the ncdcc SNCO course in which I was in charge of the leadership programme and Friday till today was the ATC which was my first one ever since I became the ncdcc ATC coordinator. Why was it amazing? Because the kids, the cadets, were amazing. It is really great working with them. You think you're gonna teach them something but in the end, you end up learning so much more. I think joining ncdcc was a great decision. I'll write more on this when I'm more awake.....haha.

I think sometimes I spend too much time on people who really don't care about me and too little time on people who care about me and I really matter to. I think I really have to re-look this part of my life because I could be pushing away the people who matter the most in my life.

Anyway.....need sleep. Bye. :)

Hozefa

2007-06-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

Hey guys....

I've started a new blog aimed at student leaders..... do visit http://learningleaders.blogspot.com

This website is maintained by my education company, Duck Learning.

Do visit it and recommend it to your younger friends who might be student leaders in schools.

Thanks!

HoZe

2007-05-22T08:32:00.000+08:00

The holidays have started yet life is still hectic. Of course, all of this is my own doing. Life could have been quite, relaxing and peaceful during the hols if I wanted it to. But then, there wouldn't be much fun right?

Went back to the civil defence heritage gallery yestetrday to meet Peng Kong as he very kindly agreed to help me design a t-shirt for the NCDCC adventure training camp at ubin. We wanted to have lunch before we started on the designs but Captain Subandi wanted to buy lunch for all of us and have lunch together, which was nice. We bought a KFC family feast and had lunch together. It was really great chatting with old colleagues over lunch, something I have not done in a long time. The PK and me went into a room and started on the designs which weren't as simple to come up with as I thought! In the end it turned out pretty good.

Went to a cyber cafe after that to finish some urgent work and managed to get quite a bit done, surprisingly.

Overall it was a productive day yesterday, something I can't really say about all my days. Ok, just talking now with no aim. Better stop.

Bye.

2007-05-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ah.....so many things to do.....so full of procrastination......

Thinking of trying something new, improving something I think I'm good at but stagnating at the moment. It's a bit expensive but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

Whatever....haha.....

2007-05-14T20:29:00.000+08:00

I think one of my biggest fears is that I will not have made an impact on the world before I leave it. There is so little time to achieve so much. I want to broker world oeace, I want to eradicate poverty, I want people to realise that they have a choice to make a better life for themselves and that their fate is not bound to the decisions of politicians. I aslo want to make lots of money....haha. To be a philantrophist of course.

Manged to get a start on some work today. Started doing lots of various things and even managed a bit of exercise. Hopefully I will manage to keep up the momentum so that I am able to have a fulfilling holiday with lots of things acheived by the end of it.

2007-05-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

So my first year of university has ended. I've managed to do many of the things I've wanted to do like staying in hostel, making lots of friends, attend conferences, go overseas. And many more things are left pending. Hopefully in the year ahead I will manage to reach all my goals. :)

Went to the Singapore Art Museum last Friday with some friends from USP (Un-Scholarly People). There was an exhibition on chalcography, mostly from the louvre . No, the exhibition is not about artwork made from chalk neither did it display sculptures made from pure chocolate. It showed pieces made by the stamping of copper plates which have to be inticrately etched in order to produce a masterpiece when 'stamped'. After a while three of us got bored, strayed away from the group and started making our own alternate interpretations of all the artwork. Let's just say art critics would not have been impressed.

Aqa Moula (tus) performed the opening ceremony of the Qubbah Mubarak (Mausoleum) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin, the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq in Yemen. I was very thankful that I was able to make a trip to Egypt and Yemen last year around this time because after making that incredible journey, I felt that I was able to feel what Moula was feeling when he performed the iftetah (opening). When Moula made the jounrey to yemen when he was Mansus (Dai-designate), the grave of Syedna Hatim was just a pile of stones with no adornement whatsoever. The mumineen were in dire difficulty and weak in faith in Yemen. Moula built a Mausoleum which was broken and then he built a second one. He brought mumineen closer to the faith. He helped them to achieve financial independance. Other Mausoleums were built. Roads were built to facilitate pilgrimages. The iftetah of Syedna Hatim's Qubbah was the pinnacle of all his achievements. It was his moment. It was Syedna Hatim revealing the magnificence of his successor. And in all that glory, Moula remained humble. He thanked Allah for making the tasks easy. He bowed his head in front of the Qabr mubarak (grave) and prayed for all mumineen. When Moula cried in front of the Qabr, I cried with him. Moula knew that the hand of Imam-uz-zaman was guiding the Duat Mutlaqeen and clearly this was the proof. In my humility, I was proud of my Moula.

Hozefa

2007-02-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

A new fear has gripped me. The fear which is brought about by desperation.

Everything is happening so quickly. There are too many things to be done. I'm trying to grasp at everything but it's all just slipping away.

I dunno what to anymore right now. I dunno if I have studied enough, and even if I haven't, I don't have the will to do it. I dunno where some of my relationships are going, and I'm totally worried about the future.

I'm not feeling anything. I'm not feeling for the people I'm supposed to feel about. I feel......just empty inside. And I can't do anything because of pressure. I tried to rectify the problem last time....but it just ended in status quo.

I don't know what to do. I can't cry, can't yell out in anger, can't scream in frustation, walk about in aguish.....because I feel nothing. Nothing.

Yet, the problems bugs me. Its affecting me in ways I don't understand. I need help, but I don't know where to find it.

Maula, I need you. now. please.

2007-02-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone.....

After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.

Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.

I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.

Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.

Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.

have fun guys.

HoZeFa

2006-07-15T10:05:00.000+08:00

Hi Everyone.

I just finished my contract at Marshall Cavendish two days ago. I had a fantastic time over there. I made many new friends and learnt so many new things. And now I'm seriously thinking about a career in educational publishing. The work is quite interesting and very engaging especially if you're working on a book about a subject that you love. Some of the work can get a bit boring sometimes but then, which job doesn't have that? Also enjoyed the many lunches I had with my newfound friends over there. It was really amazing!

University is going to start soon. It will be great going back to school again after more than 2 1/2 years! Mnay of my former colleagues kept joking about how many new brain cells I would have to develop to make up for the many brain cells that had died in the last 2 1/2 years. Ha. Ha. Ha. It's strange but I can't wait to take down notes again, start studying for an exam, do a piece of homework (or assignments as they call it in university), to go for lectures, to do a practical, so on and so forth.

With Aqa Maula's blessings, I got into the University Scholars' Programme. For the first time I've got into something that's associate with scholars. Haha. I'm quite proud of myself actually and very thankful to Aqa Maula for his dua mubarak which made it all possible. Also wanted to thank a friend who kept on urging me to join USP, telling me I have what it takes to be in the programme.

I want to be on every dean's list. I want to get a first class honours. I want to do well on every assignment. I want to be active in outside events. I want to go for exchange programmes. I want to start university!

Truly, over the years I have sometimes doubted that I would ever get this far. I doubted I could get into VS. I doubted that I could make it to a JC. I doubted that I could make it big in NYJC. I doubted that I could survive NS. I doubted I would eventually make it into university. Make no mistake about it.....it was no smooth journey.

However much I doubted myself, Aqa Maula was there for me. All I needed was to remember him and he would make all the troubles ebb away. He was never far away. he was always there. There may have even been times where I might have dissapointed him, but Aqa Maula remained there for me, as fathers and mothers are always there for their children. How can I ever repay my debt of gratitude to a Holy Father who never asks for anything in return? He who just gives and gives and gives? Maula

Everyone, I believe, goes through a test of faith sometimes. I know I'm going through one now. In certain aspects of my life, it has been difficult to follow the faith and many times, my faith itself becomes questionable. I know Aqa Maula will get me through these tests.

Life in NCDCC is going well. I feel that I'm really connecting with my cadets at my assigned unit, Monfort Secondary School. They're quite a cool bunch and it has been quite interesting and fun training them thus far. I had a heart-to-heart talk with them last Friday. I wanted them to know what my aims for them are and I really want them to achieve it. I could see after that, they were really trying to put in their best effort in the trainings. It was really heartening to see that. The CLTs are also turning out to be quite alright. Its really fun working with them too. I only hope they feel the same way about working with me.

Well, before I go off, let me leave you with a photo from my recent travels overseas. In this photo, I was standing in front of the majestic Mehrab in Jame-ul-anwar in Cairo, Egypt. Visiting this masjid is a lifetime dream come true.

Ok guys. Take care. And I'll blog again much sooner. I promise. Have fun people!

Cheers,
HoZe

2006-06-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

Wow.....It seems that I've been away from this blog for more than two months now! Forgive me but I have been quite occupied these two months and hardly had the time or energy to update my blog. I'll try my best to slowly put everything down in the coming days, weeks, months....

So after my ORD (you can read all about it in my previous post), I went to malaysia for a few days to visit my sweetheart. After that I came back to Singapore and another week later, I left for India, Egypt and Yemen. I went to Mumbai and Surat in India, Cairo and Alexandria in Egypt, Sanaa, Zebid, Ibb, Zi Jibla, Hutaib, Sharika, Shibam and a few other places whose name I cannot recall right now in Yemen.

Overall it was a great trip. I had the oppurtunity to experience so many different cultures and the things that they had to offer. More importantly, in fact, most importantly, I found some peace and solace and spiritual enlightenment in all the holy places that I've visited and learned more about. I'm more aware of my religion and faith. I have come to realise even more what true love for your fellow man means and what many people have done to preserve this love. What Duat Mutlaqeen have gone through over the years to ensure mumineen are always aware that they're loved by their Maula.

I think the most heart rendering and touching moments for me came in Cairo, Egypt when I visisted Ras-ul-Husain (AS) (Tomb of the Holy Head of Imam Husain) and the Tomb of his beloved sister, Maulatena Zainab. When I was standing in front of their Tombs, I just wept. I remembered that a few months ago, I was in front of Aqa Maula (TUS) who told us that Imam Husain (AS) made the ultimate sacrifice so that the sins of the faithful may be forgiven. He fulfilled the promise he made to Rasulullah (SAW) to be the salvation for mumineen everywhere. I remembered Maula doing the Zikr of Maulatena Zainab, how she went through so much pain and suffering to protect the progeny of Rasulullah and spread the story of Imam Husain (AS). And here I was so blessed to stand in their holy presence and remember them.

After I came back, I went to Malaysia for 3 days again and my fiance came back with me. We spent a wonderful week together in Singapore. More about that in another post.

I've started a temp job at Marshall cavendish International as an editorial assistant until uni starts in August. The contract is for a month. The job's been great so far.

See ya guys in my next post!

-HoZe-

2006-04-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

Well, its over. Its finally over. The journey I started out on almost 2 and a half years ago has ended. My last day in NS ended on a happy note on tuesday afternoon as I left my posting for the last two years, the Civil Defence Heritage Gallery @ Central Fire Station.

I still remember entering NS in dec 2003 and going through BRTC and stuff. All the great times there.

It had been a good two years. I feel that I've made the fullest of my two years over at the gallery and really used all the oppurtunities that were presented to me effectively. I've managed to learn a lot and develop myself in many areas. I kinda also feel that I've contributed a lot to the gallery and the force and have managed to leave a kind of legacy over there.

And more importantly I've made many great friends. YewMing, Khairul, Terence, the guys at PAD, Frank, pk, aalok, Agil and so many others. Truly fantastic.

During the workplan seminar last week, I met LTC Subhas, my dept's director. he wished me well and gave me some advice on how to pursue studies at university.

On the last day, I decided to come to work super early. Come in early, change into my uniform and just have a look around the whole place before anybody else comes in. (I dunno why, but i'm like a super sentimental guy. A SNAG, if I say so myself) Then Encik Rosly and PK came in one after the other and we went for breakfast. After that went back to gallery and took pictures with everyone. haha. More importantly, i realised I still had a bit of stuff to hand over. So I sat down with my successor and handed everything over to him one by one. Encik then gave me the day off, which for some reason I was reluctant to. I decided to take one last group around the gallery. Then I decided to wait for Cpt Subandi to come by before I left. When Captain came, I told him I was already going off and he insisted to take us out for lunch despite some protest (not very strong though) from me. We went to Burger King. It was pretty cool. Came back, packed the rest of my stuff. Captain Subandi signed my clearance cert, I shook hands with him and handed him a letter I wrote. I find it difficult to say what I need to say when I'm leaving a place so I wrote a letter a few days earlier and passed it to him. After that I left the office and went to the counter where I said goodbye to Anthony and he gave me a nice little keychain. Then I said goodbye to Encik and left through the same door I first entered the CDHG by. And then it was all over.

A few glimpses of my NS life:

Bringing Kids around the CDHG

One of my major projects organising a web design competition for primary schools:

Another one of my projects conducting a course for volunteer guides

My colleagues

My Service Excellance Award given to me by Deputy Comissioner

My office....aka the "dark room"

I don't know why but I felt some sadness at leaving the place. Perhpas its because I had a lot of good memories from the place to take back with me. I was also kind of dissapointed with someone on my last day, but perhaps sometimes I expect too much, so never mind. Haha.

I would like to thank everyone who I worked with or made friends with during the last two years for making it a great two years. :)

So now onto the rest of my life. :)

And guys, if you read my blog, please be nice enough to leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below or leaving a message on the tag board. :P

Ok guys, have fun. And for the last time, Don't play with fire!

2006-04-03T10:13:00.000+08:00

"A Long Long time ago in a Galaxy far far away...."

Last Wednesday, I really wanted to go and see the Star Wars exhibition at the Science Centre. It was going to close in the next few days and there was nothing going to stop me from seeing the exhibition! I needed to be one with the force.

I quickly called my buddy Kevin, whom I also know to be a Star Wars fan, (praying that he hasn't gone to see it already) and made arrangements to go and see the exhibition together.

What could I say? Meeting Kevin after almost 2 years was wonderful. It always is when old friends meet after such a long time.

Old memories aside, the force was beckoning us. We found our way (rather Kevin found the way) to the science Centre and we quickly got in. It was like amazing!See some shots below:

Then we went to this interesting section called the Jedi Gym. They had like these fantastic games testing your jedi powers. There was this game where two people will sit at opposing ends of the table and wear head bands with metal strips which can detect brainwaves. By relaxing, a participant can manipulate a ball placed in the middle of the table to move towards his opponent without any physical contact. Kevin and I played it and Kevin won all the time! He tried to console me but I have an inner feeling that he is actually a jedi in disguise.

And here's a picture of me with my very own pod racer!

After that we went into this theatrette where they showed various films highlighting the different aspects of making the Star wars movies. My three favourites were the ones on props, darth vader and kenobi. We could have been sitting there the whole day watching the stuff.

After that we departed to the nearest macedonalds where kev and I caught up on old times.

And definately, it was a day well spent!

May the force be with you!

-HoZe-

2006-03-26T18:05:00.000+08:00

The last few days, for want of a better word, have been interesting. I wouldn't say I was particularly stressed, or particularly busy. You could, however, say that I was "occupied sufficiently". Sigh, doesn't the english language give you lots of ways to express yourself?

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. What do I want to do in the future and stuff. And I don't know whether to be scared or excited. Because all that thinking led to only one answer. That I really still don't know what I want to do. I mean I know that I wanna get married and settle down and stuff. But career wise? I might want to be a teacher, join the SCDF, join a private sector life sciences firm or even just concentrate on making it on my own as a self-employed person.

And then there's all the other stuff I still really want to do like starting a world-peace society that will eventually broker deals for world peace, buy a bungalow on the swiss alps, study higher levels of Haqiqat (Islamic Studies) and so many other things that I can't possibly list here.

I realise that when we're young, we tend to dream a lot. We tend to have so many ambitions. And in our young naiviety, we feel that we can achieve all those dreams. As we grow older and become wiser to the world, we wonder whether we can actually achieve all those dreams.

The thing is, we can never stop dreaming. That would be disastrous. We should never stop working towards our ambitions. If we do, then when will we ever achieve them?

So people, keep draeming and keep working towards those dreams.

2006-03-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

Today I did something amazing. It took a lot of courage and determination, but I finally did it. I finally conquered. I cleaned up all my notes, worksheets and stuff that I had not cleaned since my A-levels two years ago.

I took everything out and it was horrible. The papers were everywhere. They were closing in on me. Me and my sidekick teddybear were outnumbered but we fought valiantly. Below you can see my sidekick almost being overwhelmed.

In the end, victory was ours. To the winner went the spoils. The end result:

Yay.....I won.

HoZe

2006-03-20T20:10:00.000+08:00

Wah......I tell you ah.....I'm really really tired now.

It's amazing how much you can push the body and how much further you can push your mind.

25 days to ORD! I really can't wait. Not that I'm not enjoying NS. Just that I want to resume my life again. Continue with my great life plan.

Right now, I'm like handing over more and more responsibilities in my NS workplace over to my juniors. My superiors no longer discuss with me long term projects or stuff. It's like I'm slowly phasing out. For the last two years, I've been like in the middle of everything and now its just seems weird stepping out already. Renewal is inevitable. I'll be stepping out soon, towards the rest of my life that is waiting for me and somebody else will be taking my place. I'll really miss working in the CDHG. I'm proud and glad to say that I've left a positive legacy over there. And even more than that, that I've learnt so much. Now, I'm looking forward to ORD and what lies ahead.

In the meantime, its the hot season, so please be careful where you throw your rubbish. Don't play with fire. :p

have fun.

HoZe

2006-03-03T20:11:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone!

Well, the last few days were kinda exciting and I honestly wasn't bored for a minute. PK came over on Tuesday night and camped overnight at my place. We had been planning our trip to Pulau Ubin for a long time. I was going there actually to recce for an activity I will be conducting this coming weekend but we decided to also just bike around and take a break from the hustle and bustle of the city life. Since PK lives quite far from Changi, he stayed over at my place.

We went together with Abbas and Rahmat. So we met at Changi Jetty and took a bumboat to Pulau Ubin. Here's a photo of us at the jetty. We were like tourists taking photos everywhere. haha.

PK was an expert on Pulau Ubin. Thanks to him, our recce was much more condusive and we managed to get quite a lot of good spots. Here's me and PK at Camp Resilience traying to figure everything out.

After that we wnet biking around the island. The island is quite hilly so it was one heck of an exercise. Needless to say, my bottom was all sore when I returned to work the next day. Haha.

Today I went for my PPCDL practical lesson. It was like so cool! Just amazing!

Got to go for kayak expedition tomorrow. It's gonna be fun. i know it!

Have fun guys.

Hoze

2006-02-26T10:09:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my new blog. It's just been so long since I last blogged that I've now decided that I need a totally new look for my blog. Hopefully, with the new blogging environment, I shall be inspired to blog more frequent and not dissapoint the people who come here everyday just to find that the blog is not updated. I promise all of you, friends and readers that i shall blog more frequently from now on. At least once every three days for a start. :)

I went for a trip to Mumbai a few weeks ago. It wasn't for a holiday or anything. It was for spiritual cleansing. It was to see my Moula again. It was to feel his presence and his strength. It was to listen to his words of wisdom and hope. It was to know that no matter what problems I have, Aqa Moula will be there for me. He will be there to put his hand on my shoulder. He will be there to tell me, "My child, don't worry, I am here". For ten days I was drawn away from the world to immerse myself in the world of imaan and deen. I was spiritually cleansed and rejuvenated with hope. Seeing Moula draw his strength from Imam-uz-zaman made us even more aware of how every mumin draws his or her strength from Aqa Moula. And more importantly, Aqa Moula reminded us that Imam Husain (AS) went to Kerbala and sacrificed his life so that we may be cleansed of our sins. Aqa Moula told us about what cruelties were inflicted upon Imam Husain and His Family. How the enemy killed his sons. How the enemy desecrated his Holy Body. How his three-year old daughter was left weeping and calling out for her dear father. All this Imam Husain did for us.

For salvation one must take hold of someone’s hand. “O mumineen! I am the hand of Imam uz Zaman! I am his gulam! I am the Dai of Husain!” Sobs filled the hall and amid the chorus of “Maula Maula!” we witnessed a sight that will be etched in our hearts forever as our Dai stretched out his own hand and said, “O mumineen, take my hand!”

NCDCC is a whole new experience for me and I am learning so much from it. When I was placed in charge of the CLTs, I was genuinely worried. I had no experience as a senior officer and I wondered how it would all turned out. I tried to learn as much as possible on the job and I'm still learning. And I'm happy to say that many of my CLTs give me much-needed support which makes my job all the more easier. They're just great. They're even willing to go the extra mile in helping me out in stuff. My dear CLTs, you're great.

ORD is coming soon. Can't wait. Not that I'm not enjoying NS. Its just that I want to move on and now that I know the time to move on is coming, I am more eager to move forward with the next phase of my life.

My darling's birthday passed 2 days ago. Happy birthday sweetheart. Love you.

Have fun guys. And don't play with fire :)

-HoZe-

2005-12-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

Ah-ha! You thought the previous post on this blog was my last one ever didn't you? Don't you dare deny it.....You thought you heard the last of me....but you haven't. So there.

Whats my excuse this time; you ask? Its the same excuse I give every other time. Too many things to do, and blogging has to suffer. Coz we all know how much of a pain creative writing can be, espeacially when you're so tired. (I'll tell you all about being tired soon. That is if i don't get too tired of typing before getting there.)

So the course at CDA & Pulau Ubin from 17th Nov to 7th Dec was great. It wasn't just great, it was fantastic. Did so many great new things, learnt so much more, developed myself as a leader even further and met so many new people. The 2nd NCDCC OBC was just fantastic. The only thing I didn't like was the distance between CDA and my home. The journey took almost 1 hr and 45 mins. Thank goodness some of my coursemates were nice enough to drive me home. Thanks Yee Pei, Felicia and Rindah!

Then took a one week break when my sweetheart came over to Singapore. I can't even begin to describe how great it was. And it was amazing. We went all over Singapore, and had lots of fun. I think we grew closer together every moment we spent together. And every moment, we realised afresh how much we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. And no matter how well we knew each other, we learnt something new about each other everyday. It just goes to show how much more exciting our lives can get. Sweetheart, I love you. :)

I'll continue the rest of my story perhaps another day. But before that, some new year resolutions:
(1) Eat less. A lot less. I need to lose weight.
(2) Exercise more. A lot more. I need to look and feel much fitter.
(3) Earn more money. Lots more. I need it.

More resolutions another time. Haha.

Happy new year.

-HoZe-

2005-11-13T13:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, life is weird. And then you have to figure out some stuff all over again. And then its all okay. Then it goes all weird again. Ah, the complexities of life.

But then, is life really that complex? Or is it just a case of us making our own lives complex? I think its the latter.

I suppose problems are a part of life. No matter who you are, where you're from and what you do, you will always have some problems bugging you somewhere.

But its weird. I'm able to solve so many of my problems head on. I never have to succumb to anything or anyone. Many of these problems are even bigger than me, yet I manage to swerve them away from me. But the weird thing is, that some problems, which happen to be pretty small, manage to knock me off my feet and then I fall. Nothing wrong with falling. The problem is then I start to feel that I can't get back up again. But thank, thankfully, my whole support network around me gathers and picks me me and tells me that I can jolly well do it. And then I do.

Why? Why is it that sometimes big things can be handled so quickly but smaller issues not even worth thinking about suffocate? Ah, complexities.

Recently, I have been experiencing some problems. Small, but they refuse to go away. I'm thankful that I can always depend on those close to me to give me sound advice when reason has left me and build my confidence when its shattered. And most of all, I'm thankful that Aqa Maula (TUS) is there watching over me, always. And I know that in life, no matter what comes my way, I can never be broken as long as Aqa Maula's Dua Mubarak is protecting me.

On a lighter note, I'm getting very very excited because my course is starting soon and I can't wait! Woohoo! :) And this wednesday is my driving test and I pray that I will be able to pass the first time round. I promise that I'll be a very very careful driver! :p

So guys, take care, have fun and drink plenty of water. And remember to rid your homes of stagnant water. And don't play with fire (I mean it).

-HoZe-

2005-09-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

The last one week or so has been like some kind of extreme roller coster. Its like there have been so many thoughts running through my mind, the processor is kind of overloaded. On top of that, the great big huge humongous gigantic pile of work that sits on my desk still needs to be done...all throughout the thinking.

So many many thoughts. Like what the future will be like for me. Will I be able to find a suitable job after uni? Will I be able to achieve the salary of my dreams? Start a company which would earn millions eventually? Will I be able to pursue my dreams in Singapore? Or will I have to leave my country, my home to find my rice bowl?

If I have children, what will they grow up to be like? Will they learn to honour their traditions and follow the religion of their forefathers and serve society and their country honourably or will they be swept away with the increasing amount of negative influence now infiltrating our Asian culture? Will they learn to respect all types of people in the world, regardless of race, language or religion and pursue world peace? What type of parent would I be? Will I still be able to talk to my kids when they are in their teens?

Will my social life remain the same? Will I still be able to keep all the friends I have right now? Will In always be able to rely on them for support and give support to them when they need to rely on me? Will I remain in contact with them till I grow old?

With the way the world is going now, will I ever need to experience anything other than peace, which I'm enjoying in Singapore? Will I ever need to rise to the occasion and serve my country if there ever would be a war here? There's no doubt that I'd go forward and protect my country, Singapore, with everything I have. It's my home, I have to protect what is mine. But will it ever come to that? After that, then what?

Goodness knows why I was thinking so much. Perhaps it has to do with recent events, causing us to think about the future in a forever changing world.

And to my sweetheart. I know you're kinda busy and perhaps a bit stressed with your exams but always know I'm here for you. Love you.

Ok Guys, enough thoughts for today. Take care and goodnight. And remember, world peace is achievable if we all put aside our differences, try to understand each other and work towards a better future together.

-HoZeFa-

2005-09-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

The TV series One Tree Hill is really an interesting one. I don't think there is another TV series that can truly match the accuracy of how it portrays teenage life. The emotion, situation and action is so accurate you sometimes feel like you're looking at your own life through the series, of course, less dramatic. It's on every Wednesday on Starworld (Starhub Ch 18)at 8pm and 10 pm. You guys shoudld really check it out. I promise, it shall not dissapoint. (Though because the story has advanced so much you might find a little trouble following it)

I went to the URA City Gallery a few days ago. It was amazing. Part of the exhibits was a scale model of the whole Sinagpore city area. They actually had models of every building in the city area and placed it on a map. Orchard road, City Hall area, raffles place....everything.

The Gallery is located at the URA building somewhere in Shenton Way I think. Guys, check it out!

Ok, that's all. Have fun.

-Hozefa-

photos of the week....or month....or whatever.

2005-09-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

Going on a snorkelling trip with some friends to Pulau Sibu in malaysia.

Briefing Participants at the NYJC Leadership Training Camp 2005

2005-09-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

I have to apologise, to everyone. I have to apologise for leaving my blog un-updated for a long time despite many of you phoning, sms-ing, emailing and tagging me to update it. I have just been qite tied up in the ordered chaos that is life.

Many things have happened since I last updated. One of it was stepping down as chairman of the VSITC BOA. After eight years, I am finally taking a step back.

I remember feeling something like this when I had stepped down as president of the club four years ago. But despite having felt it before, the emotions were just as overwhelming. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this feeling but I'm confident that time will lessen the effects.

I had arrived early at VS for the handover ceremony. It then struck me how much I had to prepare to see this day. The initial talk of stepping down, the conducting of elections, meeting up with my successor a few times to hand down everything and ensure nothing is left out. I didn't have time to think about emotions prior to the handing over. All I know is that sometimes I felt angry, because people just didn't understand why I needed to step down, anxious because I didn't know whether I was making the right decisions, desperate because time was running out and I had to ensure that I gave my successor everything I knew.

The ceremony went relatively well. I had actually prepared a long speech to give, but honestly, I didn't feel like giving it when I went up to make the speech so I said a few words and stepped back.

After the ceremony, I had stepped down. Felt slightly disoriented, but knew life still had much in store for me.

Will update again.....soon. :)

Take Care Guys.

-Hozefa-

2005-07-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

Pictures of the week.....haha....
Trying to ride a motorbike but not being very successful without the keys.

Al-masjid-ul-Aqmar: A place I really want to visit to explore the Fatimi empire.

2005-07-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

I apologise profusely to all those faithful readers who have been coming back day after day but have not seen any new entries and had to read old stuff or stuff from other blogs.

Despite July being of the busiest months of the year, I am actually quite happy it arrived. For one thing, it means I have 10 more months till ORD. Another thing, throughout the work, I'm having lots of fun. There is the NYJC LTC facilitator's training day coming up, a week later I'll get to meet my group for the year. My project with the force will be ending at the end of this month and I'm looking forward to organising the closing ceremony.

Well, another thing is because Mr You nominated me for the Friends of VS award and I got chosen for it and I will be receiving it at VS Speech day this year. BOA elections are also going to be held soon and I don't think I'm going to run for a second term of office as chairman so I'm looking forward to my "retirement". I really dunno how I'm going to end up feeling leaving the club after 7 years. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

There are lots of things and oppurtunities waiting for me once I leave BOA. I guess we'll take it one things at a time. :)

I miss my sweetheart so much. :)

Have fun and stay healthy.

-HoZe-

2005-06-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, I think I shall not continue on my story about my trip to India. Coz then I'll never get down to it and never post another entry.

I was really dissapointed i something that has happened recently. To make things worse, people who are not at fault are being made to seem at fault. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder, when will these people grow up? Or rather, when would this specific person grow up? You could spend a lifetime explaining something to someone yet he would still come up with dumb stupid arguments. Really, sometimes I don't even know why I bother.

I've been trying to get myself back on my excercise programme coz I seem to be really getting out of shape. Starting to feel tired very easily and stuff. Just bought a gym ball for training but can't seem to keep it anywhere in the house.

Cannot wait to organise the CT bbq. Just waiting for the correct time? Yo 02S7C people, you ready to go? I love you guys.

NYJC shall now remain NYJC. Thank god. Can you imagine it being renamed to CCJC? Goodness knows what came over some people. But what really touched me is the thousands of NYJCians that immediately came forward to sign the petition to retain the glorious name of our glorious college. NYJCians, you're the best. And credit goes to Song Kwang for getting things organised for the petition.

NYJC LTC also coming up soon. Can't wait!

See ya guys!

-HoZe-

2005-06-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm back!!! Went to India for the last 8 days or so and had a great, but physically exhausting holiday. I'm gonna write about my trip here but i think writing everything in one post would deem this post too long so I'll just break it up and write out the whole story over the ext few days in separate posts.

My pre-trip days were very very hectic, as you may have surmised from my earlier entries. There were lots of things to do and packing my bags were just one of the many things written on my to-do list. Finally, on the night before my trip, I managed to get everything I needed to bring to fit into my bag and after repeatedly checking my packing list, I was convinced that I had all my stuff and went to sleep. The next morning, I went to work with my bags, met Aziz for lunch and then got ready to go. My warrant officr was kind enough to drop me off at the airport. I then boarded the plane and started on my way to Mumbai....

Will continue tomorrow. Take care guys. :)

-HoZe-

2005-05-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

Things have been quite an organised chaos nowadays. So many different things happening simultaneously. I think never in the history of the universe have so many things happened at the same....probably causing an overload on the 'universal' server and slowing time down as we know it.

I dunno....sometimes I think I seem to get a rush out of being so busy. It just keeps me occupied, allowing me to be doing something at every point in time. I seem to thrive on a schedule bursting at the seams. I'm able to perform my best when my daily planner is full.

But on the other hand, I always complain that being so utterly busy deprives me of personal time which I would really really love to have. It seems that since my JC days, I have been spending more time with other people than spending time with myself. I miss the times where I could just walk into a cafe with a good book, order my favourite mix and sit down for perhaps a few hours just reading or writing. Now when I go to places like orchard road or suntec, I'll defintely run into an aquaintance every now and then, depriving me of my much-wanted personal time.

But another thing....I never have enough time for my close friends. I have many close friends, and it's very difficult to spend time with all of them. I'm just lucky that they call me once in a while to keep in touch. :) Ever since I left JC, my social life has definately taken a dive. Hopefully it picks up the moment I go to uni.

Now I'm busy packing to go overseas. Still lots to do, so much to complete and many things still left unsettled. Time to get busy again. Haha.

To my friends, you're not fogotten. Take care guys. See ya around :)

-HoZe-

2005-05-09T14:41:00.000+08:00

After being repeatedly told to update my bog, here I am again after almost three weeks of absence.

As you may have concluded, while searching for answers to why I have been absent from the blogging scene for so long, I have been really really really busy. Which is the usual story. But I'm not complaining because being busy is good, it makes time pass faster when things get really boring. Haha.

Celebrated Mothers' Day yesterday. I was completely puzzled as to what to give my mum for Mothers' Day. Gifts have to be perfect. They have to mean something. So I thought since my mum is an executive, she needs a classy pen to carry around and use. So I got her a Stainless steel, airbrushed, roller ball Parker Pen. Which actually looks pretty cool. Hope she liked it. Happy Mothers' Day Mum!

Will update sommore later. Haha.

-HoZe-

2005-04-14T19:49:00.000+08:00

Today is the sixth day in my 11-day working marathon. Thankfully I'm holding up well but it seems that I'm going to sleep earlier and earlier as the days go by. Haha. Didn't think that I'd be that tired.

Weekend before last I went to a beautiful island resort in Malaysia at Pulau Sibu Tengah with my Mosque Youngsters Group. It was quite an exciting trip. The drive to the ferry terminal was really exciting with so many bends, turns and uphill and downhill roads. We finally got to the ferry terminal but I lost confidence in the ferry when they made us wear life jackets. Anyways, we made our way to the island, had lots of fun the first day playing games, swimming, dunking ppl and stuff. We went snorkelling the next morning and the sight was just beautiful underwater. Its like nature hid its brightest colours in the sea. Explored the off shore island and then went back. Packed up and went back home.

It's gonna be my first anniversary with my darling soon. I cannot believe that it has been a year already since I met her. It seems just like yesterday when I was mesmerized by her and fell in love. :)

Will be meeting the guys this saturday. It seems this has become the unofficial homepage of the ngee-geri-jonny-keng-hoze club. haha.

-HoZe-

here and there

2005-03-28T09:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was reading the forum section of the newspaper and I was really ticked off by what some self-righteous idiot wrote in his letter. He was complaining about Singaporeans' behaviour in the cinema and how irritating it was to have them sms-ing and giggling and god-know-what-ing while the movie was playing. Yes, I agree, common courtesy was missing in this select group with which the author, was watching the movie with. But what sent my temperature up was what he wrote. I qoute: " We claim to be westernised and affluent. However, most of us do not have the basic social graces that distinguish most Westerners." Excuuuuuuuse me! So what the heck is this guy trying to tell us? That only westerners have 'basic social graces'? How dare this person even try to imply that! Let me tell you one thing, I proud to be an Asian and I assure you I'll never swap my asian values for western ones. As least I didn't devolve a couple of millenia and have sex with every girl I meet like some kind of animal. Asians at least still value the sanctity of marraige and our values teach us that pre-marital sex is wrong. Our values teach us to respect our leaders instead of making fun of the very people we elected everyday in the newspapers. Our values teach us to respect the culture of other people and not just invade any country whose values differ from ours. So, to this author I say: I'm very happy with my values, thank you very much and I don't need the so-called social graces of westerners.

Sigh... I tell you, the cheek of some people to even write that and the cheek of the newspaper to even print that!

The VS Inter-primary school web design competition's briefing day was held last saturday at SCDF HQ and it was pretty good. I was really proud of the sec 3s who did a great job in organising everything.

Yesterday I met JS and michi to discuss the activity for the LTC. Our ideas turned out quite ok. Hopefully the PE dept will think so too.

Dun feel like typing out much now....perhaps later. Take care and have fun.

-HoZe-

Lord of the Rings

2005-03-20T19:56:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've finished watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy DVD special edition in the comfort of my own home.

LOTR is like one of my favourite movies ever! I thought Star Wars would be my all time favourite but LOTR is my absolute favourite! Evevn though this must be the third time I've watched all three trilogies, I'm not bored at all and I could watch it all over again right now.

I suppose what makes LOTR appealing to me is the real story that underlies it. The story of hope and true courage. The story of bravery and selflessness. The story of friendship and loyalty. The story of how the spirit of men, at times so divided, will come together as one to fight a common enemy, to fight evil and save good. How kings, who are the true leaders in the story, lead their men into battle, sometimes into the prospect of certain death but never allow the men to lose hope. To keep fighting, keeping in mind that their cause is a worthy one worth dying for. Whats also draws me is the close friendship that the fellowship of the ring kept. How, although they were far away from each other in times, they trusted each other and remained loyal to each other and remained strong against the enemy.

Truly, there may be times in life where we may find ourselves in impossible situations. Times when everything has gone wrong and things don't seem to be getting any better. But by keeping hope, courage and determination, all can be overcome, Inshaallah.

-HoZe-

oh well

2005-03-15T08:35:00.000+08:00

As if there aren't enough problems in the world already, I have just found that I'm putting on weight, which is not a very good thing (contrary to what many of you would think). I have not been excercising for the past 2-3 months so it seems that I'm getting out of shape and in no way that could possibly be good. Well, it seems that I'll have to get back on my excercise regime soon before I become a big blob. Haha.

I have just realised that there are very few days and nights in a week that I'm actualy free. Out of the nights, I go to give tuition three times a week, attend religious class once a week leaving me three days in which I'm too tired to do anything anyway because I would have just come back from work. And out of my two off days, I'll probably spend 1.5 days doing voluntary work somewhere or the other. well, the good thing is that I'm fairly occupied and that time in NS is passing fast. It's March already! In around a year I'll be counting down to my ORD date, Inshaallah. Like I have said over and over and over again, I simply cannot wait to start university!!!!

I'm kind of missing my class 02S7C. The part I miss most about my college life is my CT. It's like so totally fun. We could click with each other so well, talking crap, having fun and doing strange things. I remember all the lame songs we used to sing and all the funny jokes we cracked....haha. Although we've had one solitary CT outing during our time in JC, we definately bonded as one class and I love it for that. Hoping to organise a CT outing soon guys!

Ok, I dun think I have much to write today so I'll sign off now leaving you in deep thought after reading my words.

-HoZeFa-

More stuff

2005-03-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

I am having a serious lack of time. A very serious lack of time. And the amount of stuff I have to do is getting more and more and more. I have to do something about it otherwise I'll never stop chasing the clock. And never stop feeling so darned tired. The worse part: I'll never meet up with my friends!

Met up with Jason last Sunday. It was great. I hadn't seen my bro for quite some time and it was great catching up with him. We talked about a lot of stuff and crapped a lot...haha.

Too tired to type now....maybe will type sommore later.

To my sweetheart: I love you dear.

See ya guys and take care.

Hozefa

Stuff

2005-02-26T22:02:00.000+08:00

And so life goes on....as it always has.

Been quite busy this past few weeks. So busy that I've had aboslutely no time to catch up with my social life, as is my usual complaint. But I think this time it's really bad. People have been messaging me, calling me, emailing me, asking me if I still exist on the face of this earth, or in the case of the telephone callers, whether they need to pay extra for the long distance call to another dimension far far away. Sigh, I breally didn't know life could be this busy. But there is hope....I'm gonna drop a few commitments soon and hopefully I'll have more time for the things that really matter to me in my life after that.

And so now i've started to learn driving, which is not as easy as it seems. It takes quite a bit of getting used to and requires you to take a deep breathe and try to understand that you will not necessarily wreck the car. I've been through four lessons but unfortunately my progress has been really slow thus far. I've really gotta cncentrate more on this if I plan to hav a driving license by august.

And I really miss my sweetheart. It seems that everyday, my love for her grows more and more. It was her birthday a few days ago...Happy birthday dear. It's so wonderful to have you in my life dear and I'm thankful to Allah everyday that you're with me. :)

Ok people, I rpomise you that I will from this moment onwards try to stay more in contact with all of you. Promise from the bottom of my heart. So here goes....

Anyway, take care and have fun.

-HoZeFa-

Ya Husain

2005-02-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

It's now the middle of Ashara and now the days are getting less and less. The days in which we remember the the ultimate sacrifice of Imam Husain (AS) for the salvation of all mumineen. We remember how he sacrificed his life along with his family and followers so that our sins may be forgiven and that we achieve peace in our hearts and walk on the right path. We remember how his sister, Maulatena Zainab, grieved upon her dead brother and told people about his ultimate sacrifice. We remember how his daughter, Maulatena Sakina cried and cried each night, unable to sleep without her father and kept on asking for her father until the enemies brought out his holy head and Sakina unable to deal with her grief died crying upon her father. Ya Husain! We remember the ehsanaat of Aqa Maula, who showers us with barakat, day and night and calls the faithful to remember what Imam Husain sacrificed his life for. For the ideals of Islam which is mercy, peace, goodwill and submission to god. Ya Husain!

For three days, the enemies had kept the House of Imam Husain thirsty on the sandy plains of Kerbala by blocking their path to water. How could they forget that who this was? That this was the grandson of the holy prophet?

The enemies had no mercy. They killed all of Husain's male followers. They killed Maulana Abbas Alamdar, who was trying to get some water for Imam Husain's Daughter as he was unable to bear to see his niece thirsty. They killed the youngster Maulana Ali Akbar, Imam Husain's son. They killed even Imam Husain's 6 month old son, who Imam husain brought out of his camp to show to the enemies how his infant son was trembling due to lack of water. He asked if anyone had a son, they would know that a baby boy needs water. Instead of water, these enemies shot and arrow that landed on the infant's throat, killing him. Ya Husain!

Personally, it is a time for me to remember and reflet. To reflect upon my actions in the past and learn and realise how to be a better person. How to be a person worthy of Imam Husain's Dai's blessings. How to embrace what is good and throw out what is bad. Maula, I beseech you, in the last few days of Ashara, grant me the strength to pray, to grieve, to do matam and to attain your hapiness.

-HoZe-

Can't think of a title no more

2005-02-03T10:26:00.000+08:00

I think its pretty weird that each blog entry should have a title. I mean its like whenever I type my blog I dun type it with a specific title in mind. I just let my thoughts flow into my fingers which reciprocate by pressing the correct keys on the keyboard to allow masterpiece posts on my blog.Maybe I should start naming every post on my blog, "My Life". Sigh.

The last few days of working have been great. There is less tension in the office and people are starting to co-operate with one another. Its not perfect but hey, something is better than nothing at all.

Going to NYJC later to meet geri and talk to her about setting up a website to help bio students cope with the A level syllabus. I think its going to be a fun project to work on and I cannot wait till it gets up and running!

Also have my first bio class with the j2s this year today. I'm pretty nervous because j2 topics are much more difficult and with the a levels around the corner, the students expect a lot more from you. Similarly, I expect a lot more from them so lets see how it goes.

I went for my second driving lesson today! Driving is pretty fun but I tend to get very nervous sometimes and that slows me down in the learning process....I'm being assured by the parental units that the nervousness is temporary and very soon I will lack the patience in waiting to get a full driving license. Well, lets hope so. A few days ago, some people were talking about speeding on the Malaysian highway and they were saying that it was worth paying the fine just to feel the speed. As they were my aquaintances, I couldn't help but tell them off. I mean, what kind of stupid, absolutely stupid dumbass and irresponsible behavious is that? When you speed, you tend to do things like tailgate slower cars and srive recklessly. There's a reason they ave a speed limit. It's so other people don't have to die from raod accidents. So that other children dont get orphaned and people don't get crippled for life. I mean, don't you read the papers and see how many lives are changed forever because of the irresponsible behaviour of a few? I make a plea right now to all road users to make safety the first priority instead of reckless fun.

Ashara is coming closer and closer. Aqa Maula (TUS) will be in Surat to shower upon mumineed barakat and more barakat. I'm now preparing mentally, physically and spiritually for these ten days of prayer, rememberance and spiritual cleansing. To think of peace and love instead of hate and anger. To listen to Aqa Maula's divine message of remembering the Lord and his Imam. To understand that only through love of God, and mankind, that we can hope to achieve enlightenment.

Take care guys, and have fun.

-HoZeFa-