A new fear has gripped me. The fear which is brought about by desperation.
Everything is happening so quickly. There are too many things to be done. I'm trying to grasp at everything but it's all just slipping away.
I dunno what to anymore right now. I dunno if I have studied enough, and even if I haven't, I don't have the will to do it. I dunno where some of my relationships are going, and I'm totally worried about the future.
I'm not feeling anything. I'm not feeling for the people I'm supposed to feel about. I feel......just empty inside. And I can't do anything because of pressure. I tried to rectify the problem last time....but it just ended in status quo.
I don't know what to do. I can't cry, can't yell out in anger, can't scream in frustation, walk about in aguish.....because I feel nothing. Nothing.
Yet, the problems bugs me. Its affecting me in ways I don't understand. I need help, but I don't know where to find it.
Maula, I need you. now. please.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Hello everyone.....
After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.
Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.
I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.
Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.
Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.
have fun guys.
HoZeFa
After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.
Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.
I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.
Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.
Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.
have fun guys.
HoZeFa
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