Haven't blogged in the longest time.... I guess preparing for FOC was taking up most of my time and I really didn't want to spend all my free time blogging when I could be doing something else I really needed....sleep.

So the University Scholars Club Freshmen Orientation Camp ended last Friday. And it was amazing. Everything worked like clockwork, there were close to no problems and everyone had lots and lots of fun. And when it all ended, I was happy but sad at the same time. Happy that the project ended so successfully but sad that the fun times we had working together for this project were finally at an end. The core com worked together effectively and the sub comms performed remarkably. And also many thanks to the OGLs who signed up for the camp and made it so fun! When the core com started eleven months ago, we sought to make this camp, its planning process and all included, an experience of a lifetime for everyone by ensuring every step in the journey was fun. And now that the camp is over and the wrapping up process begins, I must say that we were highly successful in our mission of fun. There were of course trying times, but I never regretted for a moment taking this project up. And this is due in no small part to the wonderful experiences that I now bring away with me and the wonderful people that I worked with that made the experiences wonderful. As the director of th project, I am beaming proud :). There are so many people to thank, and I have tried in my limited capacity to thank all of them. And once more, everyone, Thank You!

And now that FOC has ended, moving on to other stuff...

-HoZeFa-

Went for a special sabaq (religious class) yesterday. Aqa Moula (TUS) had graciously given raza (permision) mumineen to learn from the kitab (book) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin (RA), the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq who lived in Yemen and is buried in the hill-top town of Hutaib. The title of the book is Tambi-hul-Gaafelin which is loosely translates into "Waking up those who are asleep". Indeed, how deep in sleep we are!

In his preamble, Aamil Saheb (who was teaching the class) stated that the book was written as an answer to a person who lamented to Syedna Hatim about the state of society. How people lived at odds with each other instead of working together with one another. Syedna Hatim effectively explains why true believers of the faith should adopt good social habits. Not just because it is good and we need to be good.....it goes even deeper than that. And Syedna Hatim also explains (using very creative and understandable similies in my opinion) what are these good social habits and how we can improve the world by just improving ourselves. How we can reduce conflict in the world by following the simple guidelines laid out in the Holy Quran. Syedna Hatim also clearly explains and elaborates on the points found in the Quran.

It was only one lesson and there are many more to come but I will try my best to follow what I have learnt. And on my first day today I have found out that it is easier said than done. But I must at least try.

The Kitab was written as a response to a man's lament on the state of society. Indeed now the world is in conflict. The people of the world are sleeping. And Aqa Moula, in all his wisdom, knew exactly what mumineen needed to wake up. Tambi-hul-Gaafelin.

While each word from the Kitab places a man deep in thought on his actions, it also goes to show one thing. That Islam, in its essensce, is peace. It advocates peace, it requires its followers to live peacefully and co-exist peacefully with other in this world. Only then it would be possible to co-exist peacefully in the next. Unfortunately, many elements who claim to be Islamic don't seem to understand that. It is such a pity.

I am ever thankful to the Lord that I am a follower of Aqa Moula (TUS) who is the true advocate for what Islam is all about.

Right now things are getting quite hectic as the usp freshman orientation camp comes creeping slowly. Today I had to make a difficult decision. It was difficult as my team mates would now have to do extra work and many others who helped us may not be too happy with the decision. But I believe the decision was the right one. I was reminded of something Bill Clinton wrote in his autobiography that a certain decision he was making at that moment in time was opposed by 80% of the electorate. He reasoned that if he didn't make the right decision and when the bad effects of it becomes apparent, he could not tell the people that he didn't make the right decision because 80% of them opposed him making the decision that he thought was right. I am thankful, however, that my core com members are so supportive and I'm confident we'll able to pull through hard times to organise a highly successful camp.

Random thoughts of the day.....

It's so typical of me. One day I would be on such a high having accomplished something and the next day I will be all down again depressed about what I cannot achieve. Why am I such a perfectionist when I don't have the ability to live up to my own expectations? Why do I have so high expectations which I don't have the will to live up to? Argh! Perhaps high expectations are a blessing but at the moment, it's more a bane.

I don't know if I can ever fall in love again. The last time that happened, it didn't work out. Now i'm forever afraid that things will not work out. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid to get close to anyone because in the end, I'm afraid I'll get hurt. But at the moment, love is not a priority. I'm not particularly looking for someone. I have too many other things to think about.

My social life is an almost zero. I don't know how it came to be this way. I used to be full of life and always had people to go out and watch a movie with. Now I don't really think so. I haven't watched any of the latest movies because I can't find anyone to go with. What would be closer to the truth is that I don't know who to call to go with. Sigh. Have to do something about this.

Gonna take a break today from everything. Things start again tomorrow.

HoZe

NCDCC ATC June 2007 has just ended. I'm really tired right now and my eyes are burning like anything. But since I can't sleep at the moment I think I'll just type my thoughts down and see what I can do after that.

The last 7 days were amazing. Tiring, but amazing. Monday till Thursday was the ncdcc SNCO course in which I was in charge of the leadership programme and Friday till today was the ATC which was my first one ever since I became the ncdcc ATC coordinator. Why was it amazing? Because the kids, the cadets, were amazing. It is really great working with them. You think you're gonna teach them something but in the end, you end up learning so much more. I think joining ncdcc was a great decision. I'll write more on this when I'm more awake.....haha.

I think sometimes I spend too much time on people who really don't care about me and too little time on people who care about me and I really matter to. I think I really have to re-look this part of my life because I could be pushing away the people who matter the most in my life.

Anyway.....need sleep. Bye. :)

Hozefa

Hey guys....

I've started a new blog aimed at student leaders..... do visit http://learningleaders.blogspot.com

This website is maintained by my education company, Duck Learning.

Do visit it and recommend it to your younger friends who might be student leaders in schools.

Thanks!

HoZe

The holidays have started yet life is still hectic. Of course, all of this is my own doing. Life could have been quite, relaxing and peaceful during the hols if I wanted it to. But then, there wouldn't be much fun right?

Went back to the civil defence heritage gallery yestetrday to meet Peng Kong as he very kindly agreed to help me design a t-shirt for the NCDCC adventure training camp at ubin. We wanted to have lunch before we started on the designs but Captain Subandi wanted to buy lunch for all of us and have lunch together, which was nice. We bought a KFC family feast and had lunch together. It was really great chatting with old colleagues over lunch, something I have not done in a long time. The PK and me went into a room and started on the designs which weren't as simple to come up with as I thought! In the end it turned out pretty good.

Went to a cyber cafe after that to finish some urgent work and managed to get quite a bit done, surprisingly.

Overall it was a productive day yesterday, something I can't really say about all my days. Ok, just talking now with no aim. Better stop.

Bye.

Ah.....so many things to do.....so full of procrastination......

Thinking of trying something new, improving something I think I'm good at but stagnating at the moment. It's a bit expensive but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

Whatever....haha.....

I think one of my biggest fears is that I will not have made an impact on the world before I leave it. There is so little time to achieve so much. I want to broker world oeace, I want to eradicate poverty, I want people to realise that they have a choice to make a better life for themselves and that their fate is not bound to the decisions of politicians. I aslo want to make lots of money....haha. To be a philantrophist of course.


Manged to get a start on some work today. Started doing lots of various things and even managed a bit of exercise. Hopefully I will manage to keep up the momentum so that I am able to have a fulfilling holiday with lots of things acheived by the end of it.

So my first year of university has ended. I've managed to do many of the things I've wanted to do like staying in hostel, making lots of friends, attend conferences, go overseas. And many more things are left pending. Hopefully in the year ahead I will manage to reach all my goals. :)

Went to the Singapore Art Museum last Friday with some friends from USP (Un-Scholarly People). There was an exhibition on chalcography, mostly from the louvre . No, the exhibition is not about artwork made from chalk neither did it display sculptures made from pure chocolate. It showed pieces made by the stamping of copper plates which have to be inticrately etched in order to produce a masterpiece when 'stamped'. After a while three of us got bored, strayed away from the group and started making our own alternate interpretations of all the artwork. Let's just say art critics would not have been impressed.

Aqa Moula (tus) performed the opening ceremony of the Qubbah Mubarak (Mausoleum) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin, the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq in Yemen. I was very thankful that I was able to make a trip to Egypt and Yemen last year around this time because after making that incredible journey, I felt that I was able to feel what Moula was feeling when he performed the iftetah (opening). When Moula made the jounrey to yemen when he was Mansus (Dai-designate), the grave of Syedna Hatim was just a pile of stones with no adornement whatsoever. The mumineen were in dire difficulty and weak in faith in Yemen. Moula built a Mausoleum which was broken and then he built a second one. He brought mumineen closer to the faith. He helped them to achieve financial independance. Other Mausoleums were built. Roads were built to facilitate pilgrimages. The iftetah of Syedna Hatim's Qubbah was the pinnacle of all his achievements. It was his moment. It was Syedna Hatim revealing the magnificence of his successor. And in all that glory, Moula remained humble. He thanked Allah for making the tasks easy. He bowed his head in front of the Qabr mubarak (grave) and prayed for all mumineen. When Moula cried in front of the Qabr, I cried with him. Moula knew that the hand of Imam-uz-zaman was guiding the Duat Mutlaqeen and clearly this was the proof. In my humility, I was proud of my Moula.

Hozefa

A new fear has gripped me. The fear which is brought about by desperation.

Everything is happening so quickly. There are too many things to be done. I'm trying to grasp at everything but it's all just slipping away.

I dunno what to anymore right now. I dunno if I have studied enough, and even if I haven't, I don't have the will to do it. I dunno where some of my relationships are going, and I'm totally worried about the future.

I'm not feeling anything. I'm not feeling for the people I'm supposed to feel about. I feel......just empty inside. And I can't do anything because of pressure. I tried to rectify the problem last time....but it just ended in status quo.

I don't know what to do. I can't cry, can't yell out in anger, can't scream in frustation, walk about in aguish.....because I feel nothing. Nothing.

Yet, the problems bugs me. Its affecting me in ways I don't understand. I need help, but I don't know where to find it.

Maula, I need you. now. please.

Hello everyone.....

After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.

Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.

I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.

Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.

Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.

have fun guys.

HoZeFa

Hi Everyone.

I just finished my contract at Marshall Cavendish two days ago. I had a fantastic time over there. I made many new friends and learnt so many new things. And now I'm seriously thinking about a career in educational publishing. The work is quite interesting and very engaging especially if you're working on a book about a subject that you love. Some of the work can get a bit boring sometimes but then, which job doesn't have that? Also enjoyed the many lunches I had with my newfound friends over there. It was really amazing!

University is going to start soon. It will be great going back to school again after more than 2 1/2 years! Mnay of my former colleagues kept joking about how many new brain cells I would have to develop to make up for the many brain cells that had died in the last 2 1/2 years. Ha. Ha. Ha. It's strange but I can't wait to take down notes again, start studying for an exam, do a piece of homework (or assignments as they call it in university), to go for lectures, to do a practical, so on and so forth.

With Aqa Maula's blessings, I got into the University Scholars' Programme. For the first time I've got into something that's associate with scholars. Haha. I'm quite proud of myself actually and very thankful to Aqa Maula for his dua mubarak which made it all possible. Also wanted to thank a friend who kept on urging me to join USP, telling me I have what it takes to be in the programme.

I want to be on every dean's list. I want to get a first class honours. I want to do well on every assignment. I want to be active in outside events. I want to go for exchange programmes. I want to start university!

Truly, over the years I have sometimes doubted that I would ever get this far. I doubted I could get into VS. I doubted that I could make it to a JC. I doubted that I could make it big in NYJC. I doubted that I could survive NS. I doubted I would eventually make it into university. Make no mistake about it.....it was no smooth journey.

However much I doubted myself, Aqa Maula was there for me. All I needed was to remember him and he would make all the troubles ebb away. He was never far away. he was always there. There may have even been times where I might have dissapointed him, but Aqa Maula remained there for me, as fathers and mothers are always there for their children. How can I ever repay my debt of gratitude to a Holy Father who never asks for anything in return? He who just gives and gives and gives? Maula

Everyone, I believe, goes through a test of faith sometimes. I know I'm going through one now. In certain aspects of my life, it has been difficult to follow the faith and many times, my faith itself becomes questionable. I know Aqa Maula will get me through these tests.

Life in NCDCC is going well. I feel that I'm really connecting with my cadets at my assigned unit, Monfort Secondary School. They're quite a cool bunch and it has been quite interesting and fun training them thus far. I had a heart-to-heart talk with them last Friday. I wanted them to know what my aims for them are and I really want them to achieve it. I could see after that, they were really trying to put in their best effort in the trainings. It was really heartening to see that. The CLTs are also turning out to be quite alright. Its really fun working with them too. I only hope they feel the same way about working with me.

Well, before I go off, let me leave you with a photo from my recent travels overseas. In this photo, I was standing in front of the majestic Mehrab in Jame-ul-anwar in Cairo, Egypt. Visiting this masjid is a lifetime dream come true.



Ok guys. Take care. And I'll blog again much sooner. I promise. Have fun people!

Cheers,
HoZe

Wow.....It seems that I've been away from this blog for more than two months now! Forgive me but I have been quite occupied these two months and hardly had the time or energy to update my blog. I'll try my best to slowly put everything down in the coming days, weeks, months....

So after my ORD (you can read all about it in my previous post), I went to malaysia for a few days to visit my sweetheart. After that I came back to Singapore and another week later, I left for India, Egypt and Yemen. I went to Mumbai and Surat in India, Cairo and Alexandria in Egypt, Sanaa, Zebid, Ibb, Zi Jibla, Hutaib, Sharika, Shibam and a few other places whose name I cannot recall right now in Yemen.

Overall it was a great trip. I had the oppurtunity to experience so many different cultures and the things that they had to offer. More importantly, in fact, most importantly, I found some peace and solace and spiritual enlightenment in all the holy places that I've visited and learned more about. I'm more aware of my religion and faith. I have come to realise even more what true love for your fellow man means and what many people have done to preserve this love. What Duat Mutlaqeen have gone through over the years to ensure mumineen are always aware that they're loved by their Maula.

I think the most heart rendering and touching moments for me came in Cairo, Egypt when I visisted Ras-ul-Husain (AS) (Tomb of the Holy Head of Imam Husain) and the Tomb of his beloved sister, Maulatena Zainab. When I was standing in front of their Tombs, I just wept. I remembered that a few months ago, I was in front of Aqa Maula (TUS) who told us that Imam Husain (AS) made the ultimate sacrifice so that the sins of the faithful may be forgiven. He fulfilled the promise he made to Rasulullah (SAW) to be the salvation for mumineen everywhere. I remembered Maula doing the Zikr of Maulatena Zainab, how she went through so much pain and suffering to protect the progeny of Rasulullah and spread the story of Imam Husain (AS). And here I was so blessed to stand in their holy presence and remember them.

After I came back, I went to Malaysia for 3 days again and my fiance came back with me. We spent a wonderful week together in Singapore. More about that in another post.

I've started a temp job at Marshall cavendish International as an editorial assistant until uni starts in August. The contract is for a month. The job's been great so far.

See ya guys in my next post!

-HoZe-

Well, its over. Its finally over. The journey I started out on almost 2 and a half years ago has ended. My last day in NS ended on a happy note on tuesday afternoon as I left my posting for the last two years, the Civil Defence Heritage Gallery @ Central Fire Station.

I still remember entering NS in dec 2003 and going through BRTC and stuff. All the great times there.

It had been a good two years. I feel that I've made the fullest of my two years over at the gallery and really used all the oppurtunities that were presented to me effectively. I've managed to learn a lot and develop myself in many areas. I kinda also feel that I've contributed a lot to the gallery and the force and have managed to leave a kind of legacy over there.

And more importantly I've made many great friends. YewMing, Khairul, Terence, the guys at PAD, Frank, pk, aalok, Agil and so many others. Truly fantastic.

During the workplan seminar last week, I met LTC Subhas, my dept's director. he wished me well and gave me some advice on how to pursue studies at university.

On the last day, I decided to come to work super early. Come in early, change into my uniform and just have a look around the whole place before anybody else comes in. (I dunno why, but i'm like a super sentimental guy. A SNAG, if I say so myself) Then Encik Rosly and PK came in one after the other and we went for breakfast. After that went back to gallery and took pictures with everyone. haha. More importantly, i realised I still had a bit of stuff to hand over. So I sat down with my successor and handed everything over to him one by one. Encik then gave me the day off, which for some reason I was reluctant to. I decided to take one last group around the gallery. Then I decided to wait for Cpt Subandi to come by before I left. When Captain came, I told him I was already going off and he insisted to take us out for lunch despite some protest (not very strong though) from me. We went to Burger King. It was pretty cool. Came back, packed the rest of my stuff. Captain Subandi signed my clearance cert, I shook hands with him and handed him a letter I wrote. I find it difficult to say what I need to say when I'm leaving a place so I wrote a letter a few days earlier and passed it to him. After that I left the office and went to the counter where I said goodbye to Anthony and he gave me a nice little keychain. Then I said goodbye to Encik and left through the same door I first entered the CDHG by. And then it was all over.

A few glimpses of my NS life:

Bringing Kids around the CDHG


One of my major projects organising a web design competition for primary schools:



Another one of my projects conducting a course for volunteer guides



My colleagues




My Service Excellance Award given to me by Deputy Comissioner


My office....aka the "dark room"


I don't know why but I felt some sadness at leaving the place. Perhpas its because I had a lot of good memories from the place to take back with me. I was also kind of dissapointed with someone on my last day, but perhaps sometimes I expect too much, so never mind. Haha.


I would like to thank everyone who I worked with or made friends with during the last two years for making it a great two years. :)

So now onto the rest of my life. :)

And guys, if you read my blog, please be nice enough to leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below or leaving a message on the tag board. :P

Ok guys, have fun. And for the last time, Don't play with fire!

"A Long Long time ago in a Galaxy far far away...."

Last Wednesday, I really wanted to go and see the Star Wars exhibition at the Science Centre. It was going to close in the next few days and there was nothing going to stop me from seeing the exhibition! I needed to be one with the force.

I quickly called my buddy Kevin, whom I also know to be a Star Wars fan, (praying that he hasn't gone to see it already) and made arrangements to go and see the exhibition together.

What could I say? Meeting Kevin after almost 2 years was wonderful. It always is when old friends meet after such a long time.

Old memories aside, the force was beckoning us. We found our way (rather Kevin found the way) to the science Centre and we quickly got in. It was like amazing!See some shots below:






Then we went to this interesting section called the Jedi Gym. They had like these fantastic games testing your jedi powers. There was this game where two people will sit at opposing ends of the table and wear head bands with metal strips which can detect brainwaves. By relaxing, a participant can manipulate a ball placed in the middle of the table to move towards his opponent without any physical contact. Kevin and I played it and Kevin won all the time! He tried to console me but I have an inner feeling that he is actually a jedi in disguise.



And here's a picture of me with my very own pod racer!



After that we went into this theatrette where they showed various films highlighting the different aspects of making the Star wars movies. My three favourites were the ones on props, darth vader and kenobi. We could have been sitting there the whole day watching the stuff.

After that we departed to the nearest macedonalds where kev and I caught up on old times.

And definately, it was a day well spent!

May the force be with you!

-HoZe-

The last few days, for want of a better word, have been interesting. I wouldn't say I was particularly stressed, or particularly busy. You could, however, say that I was "occupied sufficiently". Sigh, doesn't the english language give you lots of ways to express yourself?

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. What do I want to do in the future and stuff. And I don't know whether to be scared or excited. Because all that thinking led to only one answer. That I really still don't know what I want to do. I mean I know that I wanna get married and settle down and stuff. But career wise? I might want to be a teacher, join the SCDF, join a private sector life sciences firm or even just concentrate on making it on my own as a self-employed person.

And then there's all the other stuff I still really want to do like starting a world-peace society that will eventually broker deals for world peace, buy a bungalow on the swiss alps, study higher levels of Haqiqat (Islamic Studies) and so many other things that I can't possibly list here.

I realise that when we're young, we tend to dream a lot. We tend to have so many ambitions. And in our young naiviety, we feel that we can achieve all those dreams. As we grow older and become wiser to the world, we wonder whether we can actually achieve all those dreams.

The thing is, we can never stop dreaming. That would be disastrous. We should never stop working towards our ambitions. If we do, then when will we ever achieve them?

So people, keep draeming and keep working towards those dreams.

Today I did something amazing. It took a lot of courage and determination, but I finally did it. I finally conquered. I cleaned up all my notes, worksheets and stuff that I had not cleaned since my A-levels two years ago.

I took everything out and it was horrible. The papers were everywhere. They were closing in on me. Me and my sidekick teddybear were outnumbered but we fought valiantly. Below you can see my sidekick almost being overwhelmed.


In the end, victory was ours. To the winner went the spoils. The end result:


Yay.....I won.

HoZe

Wah......I tell you ah.....I'm really really tired now.

It's amazing how much you can push the body and how much further you can push your mind.

25 days to ORD! I really can't wait. Not that I'm not enjoying NS. Just that I want to resume my life again. Continue with my great life plan.

Right now, I'm like handing over more and more responsibilities in my NS workplace over to my juniors. My superiors no longer discuss with me long term projects or stuff. It's like I'm slowly phasing out. For the last two years, I've been like in the middle of everything and now its just seems weird stepping out already. Renewal is inevitable. I'll be stepping out soon, towards the rest of my life that is waiting for me and somebody else will be taking my place. I'll really miss working in the CDHG. I'm proud and glad to say that I've left a positive legacy over there. And even more than that, that I've learnt so much. Now, I'm looking forward to ORD and what lies ahead.

In the meantime, its the hot season, so please be careful where you throw your rubbish. Don't play with fire. :p

have fun.

HoZe

Hi everyone!

Well, the last few days were kinda exciting and I honestly wasn't bored for a minute. PK came over on Tuesday night and camped overnight at my place. We had been planning our trip to Pulau Ubin for a long time. I was going there actually to recce for an activity I will be conducting this coming weekend but we decided to also just bike around and take a break from the hustle and bustle of the city life. Since PK lives quite far from Changi, he stayed over at my place.

We went together with Abbas and Rahmat. So we met at Changi Jetty and took a bumboat to Pulau Ubin. Here's a photo of us at the jetty. We were like tourists taking photos everywhere. haha.

PK was an expert on Pulau Ubin. Thanks to him, our recce was much more condusive and we managed to get quite a lot of good spots. Here's me and PK at Camp Resilience traying to figure everything out.

After that we wnet biking around the island. The island is quite hilly so it was one heck of an exercise. Needless to say, my bottom was all sore when I returned to work the next day. Haha.

Today I went for my PPCDL practical lesson. It was like so cool! Just amazing!

Got to go for kayak expedition tomorrow. It's gonna be fun. i know it!

Have fun guys.

Hoze