Oh well. The last week has been rather exciting. I have made some interesting purchases and new ideas have emerged as well as new opportunities.

The month of Rajab-ul-Asab has started. As per my promise to god, I'm embarking on my third year of fasting during this moth. I'm praying for a lot of things during the month of Ali. Moulana Ali, the wasi of Rasulullah (SAW) led a life dedicated to his lord. When mumineen say his name, their difficulties vanish. He was a man who believed in peace, in the welfare of men and in the faith of God. Like I said, I'm praying for a lot of things this month. I pray that with Moulana Ali's wasila, all my prayers will be granted.

And of course, fasting for one whole month coupled with my diet will allow me to lose weight and win my bet with certain people.

I bought Obama's book, "The Audacity of Hope". Its getting to be quite an interesting read and I'm glad I could contribute in a small way to his campaign!

Attended the NYJC Leadership Training Camp as a Facilitator on Friday. Stayed there till Saturday night when I had to unfortunately leave due to personal circumstances. It was turning out to be an amazing camp and I earned two nicknames, "Chief" and "Wet weather Programme". Haha. I'll try to post some pictures online when I get them. Met Ms Choong too! She came back to visit. Haven't seen her since she moved to Hwa Chong Institution. It was really great meeting her after so so long! We caught up a bit and promised to stay in touch. :)

I feel like I'm drifting away from some people that I used to be close to. I don't know, perhaps its just my imagination. Perhaps they don't need me as much as they used to. Perhaps I need to stop thinking so much. Perhaps I need to get some ice-cream.

Experimental Bio test tomorrow. Wish me luck!

And for those of you who visit and don't tag.......watch out.

I haven't blogged for quite a while. The reason is the same. The days have gone by faster than expected. They have been rather productive, however, production did not meet demand. Despite the pressures on my time, I have been rather satisfied and happy of late. Lot of work still remains to be done and many issues still remain at large but I'm confident that with Moula's presence in my heart things will always work out. :)

I have started special semester term 2 at NUS. People have always told me that special semester is crazy but I never really knew how crazy until I started to take Experimental Molecular Biology. Oh. My. God. It's driving me nuts! During normal semesters, there is only one lecture and one practical a week. During special sem, there are 2 lectures and 2 6-hour long practicals a week! And trust me, its really intensive. I have been hardly surviving and its just started! And we're gonna have our first CA next week!

I got my new handphone, finally! Mum got a voucher from Starhub and she gave it to me and I got my new HTC Touch for free! It's a really cool phone and I have just started exploring all the possibilities! :)

That's all for now.

Cya!

On Saturday, I went for facilitator training at MOE Changi Adventure Centre. It was great to meet all my old friends from NY again. And I did Dragon Boating.....yay! It was really quite exciting but I think I cheered a bit too much. Totally hoarse now.

Finally had a break yesterday and today. The do-nothing days. I deserve it before I start my special semester tomorrow to do experimental bio. Even then I would have to do my readings today before I can head to school tomorrow. I better study for for this one as I want nothing less than an A.

Went to Suntec City yesterday night and bought a new pair of casual shoes. Haven't had those for a while. Decided I needed more than one pair of shoes when I realised my shoes wear out really quickly because of all the stuff I do. On wednesday I plan to buy a new pair of sports shoes! And of course, seeing how a lot of my things are worn out, I've taken the liberty of making a wishlist. If you feel you need to give me a present, this list will be of tremendous help to you. :p

-Walking Shoes (Gotten already)
-Sports shoes
-Backpack (My Cerrotorre bag is dying but still serving me faithfully after so many years)
-A new handphone (akan datang when my plan expires in August)
-Pencil case (realised I don't have a real one)
-A new watch
-World Peace (Do you guys think you can get me this one? I'm not entirely sure where to get this.....wait, yes, I know, VOTE FOR OBAMA)
-Obama as US President (Come on my American friends, surely you can give me this?)
-A vote for obama campaign pin or something

Gosh.....I feel so materialistic. Sigh.

And for those of you who visit my blog without leaving a tag.....shame on you! :p

Life is taking some new directions and strengthening some old ones. Making new connections while keeping some old ones alive and well. It looks better and brighter as each day goes by. While some connections wither away, new ones blossom and the realization that new people bring in new opportunities sink in. Ok, I shall stop being so vague.....let's get on with the rest of this post.

With Aqa Moula's (TUS) karam and ehsan, I was appointed to the committee of Shababul-Eidiz-Zahabi (Singapore), the youth wing of our community. I am honoured and humbled that despite being so unworthy, I am given this responsibility. I pray that with Moula's dua mubarak, I am able to execute my duties with integrity and responsibility and do what is necessary. I ask all mumineen who read this to dua on my behalf that Aqa Moula (TUS) accepts my khidmat, however little it is. I feel so blessed.

My company just finished its first major project. The leadership training cum character development camp that we organised was fairly executed well and judging from the responses, the kids really enjoyed themselves, experienced new things and learnt a lot about themselves and their goals. Special thanks to my facilitators who put in all the extra effort to make this camp a highly successful one. Hopefully this is the start of many good things to come!

Commandant of NCDCC LTC Lim Kah Seng will be handing over his command to a new Commandant today. LTC Lim is a man I truly admire because he led NCDCC in its formative years to great success despite so many challenges facing it. He is a man who truly gets what education is all about and how to provide an all rounded education programme for NCDCC cadets. On a personal level, he always listened to the problems of his officers, went all out to try and solve them and was always open to new ideas to make the organisation better. We could not have asked for a better leader. I wish him all the best for the future! Thank you for all you have done for us Commandant Sir!

Well, I've decided that its time for me to refocus my efforts in some areas. New leaders have merged and their need the full support of their mentors. The people who have come and gone can still look to me for support but I don't know whether I can still remain proactive when it comes to them. However, I'll still expand as much energy as possible.

Still sometimes feel that I'm being taken for granted but I guess it could be nothing and it would slowly fade away....

Special semester for me starts next week. I've opted to take the experimental bio module and it sure sounds fun. I'm gunning for an A!!!!

Have fun guys :)

Exhausted. Tired. But still a long way to go.

I've been receiving a lot of positive comments from cadets regarding the leadership modules. I'm quite glad that many of them have really benefitted from the programme. It definitely provides fuel for volunteers like me to keep on going.

I remembered reading one of my cadet's blog ages ago. It said some thing like "I hope I don't have to go for potential training tomorrow". Potential training is given to potential SNCOs in the unit. Look at him now......it's amazing the transformation some people make.

Yesterday was Mohammed's wedding. As with most Bohras weddings where the groom is local, there was lots and lots of fun! Ibrahim was the main coordinator of all the friends of the groom. We styled ourselves "DoSTARS" (a play on the word dostos which means the groom's friends in this context) and during the wedding, wore badges that reflected this.....haha.

In the afternoon, some of us stayed at Masjid to help serve lunch to the Family of Mohammed's in-laws who had come from Malaysia (Khadija Bhabi is a malaysian) while the rest went to the house to decorate the happy couple's room where they would spend their first night together. At night during the dinner, we just had loads and loads of fun. However by the time we left masjid, it was already 1 am and we had to move fast. Fortunately all the mischief and fun was over by 3am and was on my way home.

Mohammed and Khadija look very happy together and I pray that they always remain happy under the guidance and protection of Aqa Moula (TUS).

Weddings, being weddings, surface the desire of the maternal units in my life to see me happily attached too. :) We visited Dadima (grandmother) today at kakaji's house. After praying "Ya syyeda Shohadai" and Madeh of Aqa Moula to pray for her good health, Dadima mentioned that I look more and more like my grandfather. :) She was then wondering when I would find someone to complete me. She said the most important thing is that I truly love whoever I choose and that the girl loves me back.

Leaves me to wonder, is the fact that I'm alone and not attached the reason I might be feeling somehow empty? Or at least partly the reason? I would ponder a bit more on this but I did return from the wedding pretty late last night and I'm really really tired.

Not to tired though to figure out that the week ahead is long and definitely tiring. And I will not have the time or strength to resolve my issues. Sigh.

Sigh. The week has been nothing less than crazy, confusing and tiring.

The NCDCC SNCO course (for new student leaders of units) was running and I was the leadership coordinator for the course. While to many running a course may seem easy, but it is most certainly not. Not by a long shot. Ok, so I wasn't the course commander but coordinating the learning of leadership for 80 over cadets is certainly not easy. As Major John would say, "Teachable moments have to be planned and created". Contrary to popular belief, teachable moments are not unplanned moments. They are totally planned. They have to be to ensure that any learning at all can take place. Thus every effort had to be made to ensure that as many teachable moments as possible were created for the cadets to learn the various aspects of leadership. And it is not easy to arouse the interest of so many 15 year olds at the same time. They have to be totally engaged and their minds totally focused while at the same time allowing them to expand their thoughts on the various aspects of leadership being learnt. Clearly, no easy task. However, when you persevere and do your job well, you feel fully rewarded (albeit fully exhausted) when you see the end product. Many SNCOs said they were inspired to become role models and better leaders for their cadets and they aspire to lead in such a way that they hope their cadets will eventually be even better than themselves. I had amazing colleagues who fully understood the need for effective education and they certainly made the course a resounding success.

On a personal front however, things have been far from celebratory. The hurricanes of confusion and helplessness that have been sweeping through me over the last 2 weeks have gained momentum. I feel lost and I cannot seem to find the directions to get back on my way again. And the most amazing thing is, I don't even know why I feel this way. In the past whenever something like this would happen, I would someone or the other to talk to about things. Right now, I'm that go-to guy for a lot of people. They can depend on me to listen to their problems. However, I don't seem to have a go-to person anymore. Maybe I have just stopped looking. God knows. I need to get out of this rut soon. Very soon. I know I can. And I will. I just might need some help. yup.

Lately I have been feeling rather empty inside. I have been doing lots of stuff I like to do, no doubt, but I can't shake that feeling of emptiness within me.

I'm doing outdoor activities, I'm writing, I'm working with youths, I'm organising stuff, my company's got a big project coming up, I'm satisfied with this semester's results and quite frankly, many things are looking up for me. But why do I still feel empty inside sometimes? I guess sometimes it has to do with the fact that for many of the things I do, I can't seem to see the results quickly enough. Perhaps I am not satisfied with just what I do but I also need to see the results and feel good about it. My writing may take a decade to get published, my company may take some time before it starts off, organising is a long and arduous process with little time to enjoy the reward and youths nowadays are not the most appreciative people or it might take till they make it big to realise there were little people like me who tried to make a difference.

I'm not going to give up what I do. I love the things I'm doing but I need fulfillment. I'm starting to wonder if I'm moving away from my center. God and Aqa Moula are my centers. Am I moving away from them without realising it? How many times a day do I remember Aqa Moula compared to perhaps a year ago? I shudder to think I am moving further away. Without Aqa Moula in my life, where would I be? I need to re focus on Moula. He gives meaning to the things I do, whatever it may be. When I do something I love and I feel Aqa Moula giving me strength and guidance, I need no results. I don't need anybody to say thank you nor do I need to make a load of cash. I know that Aqa Moula will be proud of my achievements and that would be enough. I would not feel so empty inside. So its time I moved back squarely on my center. Let every step I take be a step closer to Aqa Moula (TUS).

And people, be nice. Leave a tag once in a while when you visit.

Today my mobile phone was on a roll! Never in the time of my mobile phone subscription had my mobile phone ever rung that many times. And it was not just calls.....there were messages too! At first I felt rather popular and wanted (ok, I need attention, so sue me) but after a while it just got rather irritating and I almost lost it when my mobile phone told me for the 100th time that my the driver of the black BMW should report to the lobby now (my sms ringtone, btw).

My emails then got onto the act too. All three emails accounts! They just went crazy! And all the emails demanded quick responses. Every medium of communication was ganging up on me. Except my darling blog. I love you blog.

Went coffee-ing with Caleb today and had to settle for coffeebean instead of starbucks because I couldn't find starbucks. Had to settle, I guess. We chatted for a while and then went home. And I think I could possibly be a motivational speaker. Haha.

Oh well. here comes tomorrow, and I don't think its gonna be very nice either. But I'm gonna put on a big smile and meet it head on!

:)

Its the eve of my birthday today, according to the Hijri (Muslim) Calender apparently. Yay.

The last few days has been a complete blur despite the fact that I've been trying to slow down the pace at which things are happening or need to happen. Sometimes I wonder why that is so. Am I afraid that there is too little time so I have to stretch the time I already have to achieve as much as I want to in life? Am I just a workaholic who just needs to be kept busy? I don't know, really.

The truth is, I like the things I do. I like organising things. I like mentoring youth. I like being part of important discussions in focus groups. I like taking part in community activities. I like writing. I like dwelling more into religion. Perhaps I like too many things. But is that wrong? Why limit myself to just a few things when life has so much to offer?

Don't get me wrong. I don't resent my life now. I really love it. But I think I need to learn how to take a break once in a while like I used to last time where I would take a good book to a Starbucks and read chapter after chapter oblivious of the world around me. Or take a long walk somewhere secluded while listening to music.

Anyway, according to the Islamic Calender, I'm a year older today. May God always keep me in the cooling shadow of Aqa Moula (TUS), who is my guide, my light, my source of strength and inspiration, my role model, my protector and my source of comfort. Moula, please hold my hand, always.

I need a break. I really really need time to myself. Despite the hints I drop everywhere, nobody seems to figure this out. I am continually being presented with more and more opportunities for interaction, more and more being forced to think about my future and more and more being bombarded with guilt trips.

I just need some 'me' time. I don't ask for these moments much. When I do could I have them please? Please?

Argh!

And so the day that I had been dreading for a long long time finally arrived. While I dreaded it, I knew it must come. Yesterday was the day the sec 4 cadets of Montfort NCDCC unit, the pioneer batch of NCDCC cadets, ended their term of service as NCDCC cadets with a R.O.D. ceremony.

Ever since I started the training the SNCO-designates (student leaders of the unit) to prepare them for the leadership roles they would play in the unit, I knew that one day, they would step down and say their goodbyes and carry on with their lives, armed with a range of new life skills. It was a normal process of life and the ROD ceremony, while a farewell ceremony, also marks their success.

The day before the ceremony, we had an overnight camp for all sec 4 cadets. It started at around 6pm. Before that I met Caleb (our CSM) and Jonathan (our ASM) for lunch. We reached school at around 5pm. We started off with dinner, followed by sharing sessions and a very fun and exciting war game. While absolutely exhausting, the war game was just absolutely fun! We played around for a while and then the war game just degenerated into a 'saboh' session where even the officers were not spared! Cpt Pang's fun streak became quite apparent. We then washed up and I had a sharing session with just the SNCOs. It was kind of like a final big debrief of their last one year. They shared with me what they felt were their accomplishments, their regrets, what they hoped for the future and their hopes for the unit. The rest of the sec fours joined up with us later and the sharing continued. Finally, we got too hungry and some of them headed fr the 7-eleven for some food and Cpt Pang, Caleb, Johnathan, Kang Hao and myself headed to the roti prata shop to have a midnight snack. When we came back, it was around 3am. After a bit more chatting exhaustion overcame us, or at least Mr Pang and myself and we went to sleep, after talking a lot more.

After waking up, we got ready for the day. There was an indoor ceremony in the AVA theatrette. I was called up by the emcee to give the first speech. I was contemplating what I would say because I never seem to be able to say everything I want when I give speeches. So I did better. I made sure I said everything I wanted to say to the sec 4s the night before. In the speech, I paid tribute to the sec 4s who were not SNCOs but made significant contributions to the unit. Then I turned my attention to the SNCOs. I had no idea how I managed to talk about them without tearing. I almost did. Cpt Pang and Major Howard then gave speeches after which the certificates and awards were given out. I was to give the plaques to the SNCOs. As every SNCO came to receive his plaque, I shook their hand and told them how proud I was of each of them. The Best Unit Cadet and SCDF-NCDCC Pinnacle Badge awards were given to Caleb. I was so proud of him. Thinking of what he was like when I was first posted to the unit and how much he had grown and matured into an aspiring young leader, I must say that cadets like him
give volunteers like me the motivation to keep doing what we do. Then a video was played which traced the journey of the sec 4 cadets from the time they entered NCDCC till now. It was prepared by the Sec 3s with a little help from me. I chose two songs, Graduation by Vitamin C followed Long Goodbye by RonanKeating to be played in accompaniment to the video. I must say the songs made the whole video rather emotional.

Then all the 5 SNCOs came up to give a speech. Caleb's speech was rather emotional and he was tearing up all the way. He spoke about his experiences in NCDCC and left some advice for his successors. He thanked me in his speech for inspiring him to become a better leader. I may not remember the words exactly but the sentiments are still clear and vivid in my mind. Johnathan than spoke about what NCDCC meant to him followed by Pradeep, Shi Jing and Kang Hao. I was really impressed by Shi Jing as he stood up there speaking. Like Caleb, he had really come very far to become a really amazing individual.

We ended the indoor session with a photo taking session. In the informal photo, I decided to be really informal and sit in the middle with my cadets.

Finally, the ROD parade segment. The parade stood at attention and the OC Unit, Cpt Kevin Pang accepted the salute. The NCDCC Song was played and the NCDCC pledge was recited. Then came a truly emotional part. All the officers went onto the parade square and shook hands with all the secondary 4 cadets. When I came to Nathaeneal, he asked me for a hug. :) He is another cadet I am proud of. Instead of taking the easy way out, he decided to persevere and even made to the GOH contingent for Founders' Day this year.

The final part of the parade was when WO Caleb Castro handed back his symbol of Authority as CSM, the wooden pace stick, to the OC unit. He then asked for permission for the parade to be dismissed and the sec fours to ROD. He gave the 'bersurai' command and when they left their ranks, the sec 4s threw their berets into the air to signify their successful completion of the NCDCC programme.

What happened after that was a complete blur. I was really tired and I had to get ready for a meeting of the Youth Organising Committee of the Asean Youth Festival. I do remember the sec 4s coming to talk to me and I do remember talking with Mr Pang about our Sec 3s. Beyond that is a blur.

When I finally reached home after the meeting, I fell asleep. After I woke up, the exhaustion mostly gone, I was just overcome with a feeling of sadness. Sure, it was a happy occasion to see our sec 4 boys grown up becoming young men. But I had already started to miss them terribly. I started to get quite upset and unfortunately, mum and dad saw me in this state. They were really concerned and almost wanted to cancel their dinner appointment if I didn't tell them what was wrong. I finally had to tell them and mum was like "Yeah you will be sad for a while but eventually you'll be just proud of them." Dad said (joking of course) that he wouldn't know what I'd do if I had a daughter and had to give her away on her wedding. (ha.ha.) Mr pang also sent me some supportive SMSes.

I pray to God that he protects my cadets on their journey in life henceforth and that no matter what challenges lie ahead, they would be able to overcome it and be successful in life.

Guys, I'm really really going to miss you.

Post-script
I remember writing in one of my earlier posts long ago that I was afraid that I wouldn't leave any lasting legacy in the world before I died. Its not my name that I want to leave behind. I just wanted to make sure that I was part of something that helps to make the world a better place. Now, I think that I don't hove to worry. I think I'm part of that something now. And I don't ever want to stop.

Last Saturday (2 days ago), I was part of a sharing session where we had to introduce ourselves and then talk about a picture we had selected earlier. We were supposed to describe what struck us about that picture and how we feel that picture represents us.

I selected a picture of people jumping off the "flying fox", i.e. zipline. I said that the picture struck me because it represented to me an aspect of training students. When a participant first comes to the top of the eight storey structure from which he has to jump off and goes to the edge, he will feel afraid of jumping off.

Thus the instructor's role is to not only ensure safety of the participant, but to also assure the participant that he is safe and to give him the confidence that he can do this. So the duties are three fold of the instructor: To ensure the participant's safety, to bring down the fear level of the participant by showing him the safety measures that have been taken and to increase his confidence level so that he will make the jump of the structure and zipline all the way to the other side.

Similarly, when giving a student the opportunity to exercise leadership, he may be afraid at first. He may feel that he is not yet capable enough to do what has been assigned to him. Thus it is the facilitator's job to remove the barrier of fear for this big step. The facilitator has to ensure the student has been equipped with the necessary skills before hand. He has to up the student's confidence while bringing down his fear by motivating and encouraging him.

I'll use an example from the NCDCC context. If you make a cadet the platoon i/c for the first time, the officer should not scream at him for every mistake he makes. He should encourage him and motivate him while correcting his mistakes. This would build up the cadet's confidence and he will not be closed to learning from his mistakes as he would feel that he is in an environment which encourages him to learn from his mistakes. Once his initial confidence is built up, the cadet can be given more opportunities in leadership and will be able to enjoy the learning process and benefit greatly from it. Of course once he is comfortable in his leadership role, more challenges should be given to him to expand his potential.

We can never completely prepare a student for the challenges of assuming a leadership role. Just like we can never prepare a participant well enough and tell him/her what to expect as he/she slides down the zipline. They would have to experience it first hand. Similarly, when given the opportunity, students will have to experience what being a leader is first hand. We can never fully prepare them. And most importantly, we need to know as facilitators when to let go so that the student is truly uninhibited to explore his full potential.

Goodness! The last few days have really been a blur. I thought I would have some time to relax once the exams were over but its seems that the engine is still chugging on as the coal is still burning. Exams ended on a happy note on Tuesday (which exams don't end on a happy not?) and I went home and did some scheduled slacking. Yes, you read it right. Scheduled slacking. That happy moment didn't last for very long. The next day I was back at work at HQ NCDCC where some heavy duty stuff was done. I was supposed to have watched "Iron Man" at night but somebody cancelled out on me at the last minute. Boo! Yesterday was spent typing out many many official sounding email to many official sounding people. Today the morning was spent at HQ again and the afternoon was spent at Pulau Ubin. Yes. CCK to Changi. I do a lot of travelling. From the west to the east. I'm a jet-setter, I tell you. My life is glamorous. I live in denial.

Tomorrow, my dear readers, I will be having a meeting in the morning followed by tuition in the afternoon. At night, If I'm not wrong, there will be a wedding party I'm supposed to attend I think. The next day, tuition in the morning, bbq in the afternoon and year 2 reunion party at night! Finally some fun!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo gonna watch Iron Man next week. Yes, I am! Wipe that smirk off your face you!

I was watching episodes from season one of The West Wing. It's one of my favourite shows! I'm telling you if I had a choice of choosing any job in the world I like, I would like to be the President of The United States of America. He like gets to deal with so many world issues and the decisions he makes can really make a difference in the lives of people all over the world. Plus flying on Air Force One is cool! :) Too bad I'm not a natural born American citizen.

This blog is now listed on http://www.planetbohra.org

So Cool!

Yesterday before the Metabolism and Regulation exam, I freaked out. I didn't bring along my secret weapon: chocolate. Fortunately I have a friend like Xian Keng aka Ferdinand who brought extra Mars Bars to uni that day. He offered me one. I was so touched. A friend in need is a friend indeed. :)

Exams start tomorrow. yay. They end on Tuesday. Yay!!!!!

Tomorrow is metabolism. The subject is powerfully boring. It lists out each and every metabolic process that happens in the body. And we need to know all of it! All! Including enzymes, co factors, and by products! ARGH!

Ribonucleotide reductase........converts ribonucleotides to deoxyribonucleotides........wait, is that right? I think so. Whats carbomyl phosphate? Crabomyl phosphate synthase II makes it right? RIGHT? ARGH!

Study study study. Now now now!

I end this day feeling super hyper. Drank four cups of chai today. 4 cups of chai!!!! Wheeeeeeeeee!

When I brought in my fourth cup into the mc room, Junwen was like, "What! Again?"

I used to drink lots of coffee when I was in JC but kicked the habit when I got overly dependent on it. Now my obsession with chai begins.

Tea, simply nothing like it.

The life of a university student during examinations......sigh.

7am: Wake up, brush teeth, wash up, pray, have breakfast, read the paper, drag sleepy self around the house...
8.30am: Get books together to study. Get totally motivated seeing the books. Watch some TV, you earned a break after motivating yourself.
9.30am: Go back to the books. Make a page of hand-written notes. Check your email ten times, someone important might send you one. Facebook.
10.30am: Back to the books, hit a difficult concept, walk around the house to try to internalize the concept. Watch tv to help your brain internalize the concept as it relaxes. SMS a few people.
11.30am: Find out whats for lunch and whether or not its worth looking forward to. Get back to the books. Throw away that difficult concept. Surely it wouldn't be tested for the exams. Right?
12.30pm. Although not hungry, eat lunch anyway.

Haha. Yes, and that leaves us with guilty pangs, right guys?

Well, thankfully, my day is slightly more productive. Slightly. Got the photos around my desk rearranged to add some new ones. My desk is a mess. Have a look at it for yourself:


Cool yeah?

Back to the books......sigh. Glycolysis, lipid biosynthesis, TCA cycle....... :(