On Saturday, I went for facilitator training at MOE Changi Adventure Centre. It was great to meet all my old friends from NY again. And I did Dragon Boating.....yay! It was really quite exciting but I think I cheered a bit too much. Totally hoarse now.

Finally had a break yesterday and today. The do-nothing days. I deserve it before I start my special semester tomorrow to do experimental bio. Even then I would have to do my readings today before I can head to school tomorrow. I better study for for this one as I want nothing less than an A.

Went to Suntec City yesterday night and bought a new pair of casual shoes. Haven't had those for a while. Decided I needed more than one pair of shoes when I realised my shoes wear out really quickly because of all the stuff I do. On wednesday I plan to buy a new pair of sports shoes! And of course, seeing how a lot of my things are worn out, I've taken the liberty of making a wishlist. If you feel you need to give me a present, this list will be of tremendous help to you. :p

-Walking Shoes (Gotten already)
-Sports shoes
-Backpack (My Cerrotorre bag is dying but still serving me faithfully after so many years)
-A new handphone (akan datang when my plan expires in August)
-Pencil case (realised I don't have a real one)
-A new watch
-World Peace (Do you guys think you can get me this one? I'm not entirely sure where to get this.....wait, yes, I know, VOTE FOR OBAMA)
-Obama as US President (Come on my American friends, surely you can give me this?)
-A vote for obama campaign pin or something

Gosh.....I feel so materialistic. Sigh.

And for those of you who visit my blog without leaving a tag.....shame on you! :p

Life is taking some new directions and strengthening some old ones. Making new connections while keeping some old ones alive and well. It looks better and brighter as each day goes by. While some connections wither away, new ones blossom and the realization that new people bring in new opportunities sink in. Ok, I shall stop being so vague.....let's get on with the rest of this post.

With Aqa Moula's (TUS) karam and ehsan, I was appointed to the committee of Shababul-Eidiz-Zahabi (Singapore), the youth wing of our community. I am honoured and humbled that despite being so unworthy, I am given this responsibility. I pray that with Moula's dua mubarak, I am able to execute my duties with integrity and responsibility and do what is necessary. I ask all mumineen who read this to dua on my behalf that Aqa Moula (TUS) accepts my khidmat, however little it is. I feel so blessed.

My company just finished its first major project. The leadership training cum character development camp that we organised was fairly executed well and judging from the responses, the kids really enjoyed themselves, experienced new things and learnt a lot about themselves and their goals. Special thanks to my facilitators who put in all the extra effort to make this camp a highly successful one. Hopefully this is the start of many good things to come!

Commandant of NCDCC LTC Lim Kah Seng will be handing over his command to a new Commandant today. LTC Lim is a man I truly admire because he led NCDCC in its formative years to great success despite so many challenges facing it. He is a man who truly gets what education is all about and how to provide an all rounded education programme for NCDCC cadets. On a personal level, he always listened to the problems of his officers, went all out to try and solve them and was always open to new ideas to make the organisation better. We could not have asked for a better leader. I wish him all the best for the future! Thank you for all you have done for us Commandant Sir!

Well, I've decided that its time for me to refocus my efforts in some areas. New leaders have merged and their need the full support of their mentors. The people who have come and gone can still look to me for support but I don't know whether I can still remain proactive when it comes to them. However, I'll still expand as much energy as possible.

Still sometimes feel that I'm being taken for granted but I guess it could be nothing and it would slowly fade away....

Special semester for me starts next week. I've opted to take the experimental bio module and it sure sounds fun. I'm gunning for an A!!!!

Have fun guys :)

Exhausted. Tired. But still a long way to go.

I've been receiving a lot of positive comments from cadets regarding the leadership modules. I'm quite glad that many of them have really benefitted from the programme. It definitely provides fuel for volunteers like me to keep on going.

I remembered reading one of my cadet's blog ages ago. It said some thing like "I hope I don't have to go for potential training tomorrow". Potential training is given to potential SNCOs in the unit. Look at him now......it's amazing the transformation some people make.

Yesterday was Mohammed's wedding. As with most Bohras weddings where the groom is local, there was lots and lots of fun! Ibrahim was the main coordinator of all the friends of the groom. We styled ourselves "DoSTARS" (a play on the word dostos which means the groom's friends in this context) and during the wedding, wore badges that reflected this.....haha.

In the afternoon, some of us stayed at Masjid to help serve lunch to the Family of Mohammed's in-laws who had come from Malaysia (Khadija Bhabi is a malaysian) while the rest went to the house to decorate the happy couple's room where they would spend their first night together. At night during the dinner, we just had loads and loads of fun. However by the time we left masjid, it was already 1 am and we had to move fast. Fortunately all the mischief and fun was over by 3am and was on my way home.

Mohammed and Khadija look very happy together and I pray that they always remain happy under the guidance and protection of Aqa Moula (TUS).

Weddings, being weddings, surface the desire of the maternal units in my life to see me happily attached too. :) We visited Dadima (grandmother) today at kakaji's house. After praying "Ya syyeda Shohadai" and Madeh of Aqa Moula to pray for her good health, Dadima mentioned that I look more and more like my grandfather. :) She was then wondering when I would find someone to complete me. She said the most important thing is that I truly love whoever I choose and that the girl loves me back.

Leaves me to wonder, is the fact that I'm alone and not attached the reason I might be feeling somehow empty? Or at least partly the reason? I would ponder a bit more on this but I did return from the wedding pretty late last night and I'm really really tired.

Not to tired though to figure out that the week ahead is long and definitely tiring. And I will not have the time or strength to resolve my issues. Sigh.

Sigh. The week has been nothing less than crazy, confusing and tiring.

The NCDCC SNCO course (for new student leaders of units) was running and I was the leadership coordinator for the course. While to many running a course may seem easy, but it is most certainly not. Not by a long shot. Ok, so I wasn't the course commander but coordinating the learning of leadership for 80 over cadets is certainly not easy. As Major John would say, "Teachable moments have to be planned and created". Contrary to popular belief, teachable moments are not unplanned moments. They are totally planned. They have to be to ensure that any learning at all can take place. Thus every effort had to be made to ensure that as many teachable moments as possible were created for the cadets to learn the various aspects of leadership. And it is not easy to arouse the interest of so many 15 year olds at the same time. They have to be totally engaged and their minds totally focused while at the same time allowing them to expand their thoughts on the various aspects of leadership being learnt. Clearly, no easy task. However, when you persevere and do your job well, you feel fully rewarded (albeit fully exhausted) when you see the end product. Many SNCOs said they were inspired to become role models and better leaders for their cadets and they aspire to lead in such a way that they hope their cadets will eventually be even better than themselves. I had amazing colleagues who fully understood the need for effective education and they certainly made the course a resounding success.

On a personal front however, things have been far from celebratory. The hurricanes of confusion and helplessness that have been sweeping through me over the last 2 weeks have gained momentum. I feel lost and I cannot seem to find the directions to get back on my way again. And the most amazing thing is, I don't even know why I feel this way. In the past whenever something like this would happen, I would someone or the other to talk to about things. Right now, I'm that go-to guy for a lot of people. They can depend on me to listen to their problems. However, I don't seem to have a go-to person anymore. Maybe I have just stopped looking. God knows. I need to get out of this rut soon. Very soon. I know I can. And I will. I just might need some help. yup.

Lately I have been feeling rather empty inside. I have been doing lots of stuff I like to do, no doubt, but I can't shake that feeling of emptiness within me.

I'm doing outdoor activities, I'm writing, I'm working with youths, I'm organising stuff, my company's got a big project coming up, I'm satisfied with this semester's results and quite frankly, many things are looking up for me. But why do I still feel empty inside sometimes? I guess sometimes it has to do with the fact that for many of the things I do, I can't seem to see the results quickly enough. Perhaps I am not satisfied with just what I do but I also need to see the results and feel good about it. My writing may take a decade to get published, my company may take some time before it starts off, organising is a long and arduous process with little time to enjoy the reward and youths nowadays are not the most appreciative people or it might take till they make it big to realise there were little people like me who tried to make a difference.

I'm not going to give up what I do. I love the things I'm doing but I need fulfillment. I'm starting to wonder if I'm moving away from my center. God and Aqa Moula are my centers. Am I moving away from them without realising it? How many times a day do I remember Aqa Moula compared to perhaps a year ago? I shudder to think I am moving further away. Without Aqa Moula in my life, where would I be? I need to re focus on Moula. He gives meaning to the things I do, whatever it may be. When I do something I love and I feel Aqa Moula giving me strength and guidance, I need no results. I don't need anybody to say thank you nor do I need to make a load of cash. I know that Aqa Moula will be proud of my achievements and that would be enough. I would not feel so empty inside. So its time I moved back squarely on my center. Let every step I take be a step closer to Aqa Moula (TUS).

And people, be nice. Leave a tag once in a while when you visit.