Thursday, November 15, 2007
The last few days went by pretty well. Last Tuesday my cadets at Montfort Sec organised a barbeque and I was pretty impressed by their enthusiasm and spirit in organising and conducting the whole event. More importantly, it clearly showed that the mission Cpt Howard led starting almost two years back to create a united unit with its own identity has definitely been a success. Now very soon he is going to leave the unit to become the head of the training dept in HQ NCDCC. While still remaining my boss (haha), I will definitely miss him in Montfort. I believe I had a great working relationship with him and he was a wonderful OC. I do look forward to working under him in his new position.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Ok I have to admit......I get star struck easily. But today was a fantastic day. Haha. I was given the opportunity to hear one of my favourite politicians, Tony Blair, the former prime minister of Britain, give a speech on the challenges of global governance at NUS today! On top of that, I was even able to ask him a question during the Q&A session after that.
Went with some of the dudes and dudettes from USP to the UCC. I was unfortunately given a 2&3 level ticket, which disappointed me extremely. Aik Heng was the only one among us who had a level 1 ticket. And guess what he did? He exchanged it with me! Can you believe it? Yup, there are still such nice people in the world. I owe you big time Aik!
But the troubles weren't over. I was seated in the last few rows. I was told that unless we have a specific ticket, I couldn't sit in the front. After that, I saw many people holding similar tickets to mine going to the front and seating. It was as if they were being rewarded for coming in late! So I took my stuff, walked out of the hall and came in 'late' too. Haha. Managed to get a seat in the front after that.
After some waiting, The Right Honourable Tony Blair finally entered the hall and after a short introduction by the Dean of the LKY School of Public Policy, Tony Blair finally came to the podium to deliver his speech.
It was, in my opinion, a very enlightening speech. While the themes of globalisation and international cooperation are constantly talked about, he brought in a new perspective saying how institutions need to be built to facilitate global governance, how effective alliances need to be created between countries and how civic societies need to be empowered to act on the global stage.
I was impressed with his take on the Middle east peace process. He talked about how justice needs to be seen to be served. While Israeli security has to be catered for, the Palestinians must also be assured that they will finally be given statehood.
He gave many interesting anecdotes about his time in office, the North Ireland peace process, how he got his first mobile phone after he left office and his first meeting with LKY.
He is a great speaker and very charismatic. And he makes sense. A lot of sense.
I managed to ask him a question. I asked him that despite his calls for global action, are there too many global players in the Middle East peace process and is this causing the peace process to slow down? Another question I asked him was if he believed that the Middle east would achieve peace the same way North Ireland did? That is that the next generation of Irish leaders forgot about the pain of the past and wanted to move on to a new future.
His answer? He doesn't believe that too many players are causing the peace process to halt. He does believe however, that the players that should be doing something aren't doing it and those that wish to exploit the situation are coming in and exploiting it for their own benefits. He says that the necessary players need to step up and play their role. He then discussed the framework in which peace can be achieved.
After hearing him talk about his ideas, I believed that finally, after President Clinton, we now have another person who truly wants peace in the Middle East and has the potential to stop the bloodshed between Israelis and Palestinians and bring peace to the region for everyone, regardless of race or religion, to live together in harmony.
In the end I felt what he said at the end of the session was very profound. That leaders should not live in the past if they hope to make a better future.
Got to meet Mr Zainul Abideen Rasheed, Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, during the reception after the talk and speak to him about various things.
Overall, it was a great day. :)
Went with some of the dudes and dudettes from USP to the UCC. I was unfortunately given a 2&3 level ticket, which disappointed me extremely. Aik Heng was the only one among us who had a level 1 ticket. And guess what he did? He exchanged it with me! Can you believe it? Yup, there are still such nice people in the world. I owe you big time Aik!
But the troubles weren't over. I was seated in the last few rows. I was told that unless we have a specific ticket, I couldn't sit in the front. After that, I saw many people holding similar tickets to mine going to the front and seating. It was as if they were being rewarded for coming in late! So I took my stuff, walked out of the hall and came in 'late' too. Haha. Managed to get a seat in the front after that.
After some waiting, The Right Honourable Tony Blair finally entered the hall and after a short introduction by the Dean of the LKY School of Public Policy, Tony Blair finally came to the podium to deliver his speech.
It was, in my opinion, a very enlightening speech. While the themes of globalisation and international cooperation are constantly talked about, he brought in a new perspective saying how institutions need to be built to facilitate global governance, how effective alliances need to be created between countries and how civic societies need to be empowered to act on the global stage.
I was impressed with his take on the Middle east peace process. He talked about how justice needs to be seen to be served. While Israeli security has to be catered for, the Palestinians must also be assured that they will finally be given statehood.
He gave many interesting anecdotes about his time in office, the North Ireland peace process, how he got his first mobile phone after he left office and his first meeting with LKY.
He is a great speaker and very charismatic. And he makes sense. A lot of sense.
I managed to ask him a question. I asked him that despite his calls for global action, are there too many global players in the Middle East peace process and is this causing the peace process to slow down? Another question I asked him was if he believed that the Middle east would achieve peace the same way North Ireland did? That is that the next generation of Irish leaders forgot about the pain of the past and wanted to move on to a new future.
His answer? He doesn't believe that too many players are causing the peace process to halt. He does believe however, that the players that should be doing something aren't doing it and those that wish to exploit the situation are coming in and exploiting it for their own benefits. He says that the necessary players need to step up and play their role. He then discussed the framework in which peace can be achieved.
After hearing him talk about his ideas, I believed that finally, after President Clinton, we now have another person who truly wants peace in the Middle East and has the potential to stop the bloodshed between Israelis and Palestinians and bring peace to the region for everyone, regardless of race or religion, to live together in harmony.
In the end I felt what he said at the end of the session was very profound. That leaders should not live in the past if they hope to make a better future.
Got to meet Mr Zainul Abideen Rasheed, Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, during the reception after the talk and speak to him about various things.
Overall, it was a great day. :)
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Wow.....my last update was in July....Seriously, I have to do something about my problem with procrastination.
Actually, I don't have a problem with procrastination. In fact, I'm great friends with it! Everytime it rears its big ugly head around the corner, I actually run towards procrastination and embrace it like a long lost brother. Yes, we're so close now, I'm starting to consider procrastination as family.
Yes, you may say that a positive outcome from this is that I've gained a close friend. Yes, I may seem to enjoy life and have no worries. However, in a deep dark corner of my mind, I know life is going to explode. All the things I have abandoned in order to embrace procrastination will one day be too much to fit into that tiny dark corner and the barrier holding it all in will give way and that will be the end of it.
And how exactly will "the end of it" look like? Deadlines passing with no work submitted, feeling lousy because I know I have the potential to do much better but didn't, failing hopelessly in exams because I could've have studied and gotten great marks but didn't, being totally unsuccessful in business because I didn't manage to catch the opportunities when I should have and panadol after panadol tablet to deal with the immense stress of trying to finish work that only I can and need to do.
What can I do? I have to break this parasitic relationship. Procrastination has found a great host in me, a great friend who embraces it. Hoewvwer, I must abandon it. For there is little time left.
Actually, I don't have a problem with procrastination. In fact, I'm great friends with it! Everytime it rears its big ugly head around the corner, I actually run towards procrastination and embrace it like a long lost brother. Yes, we're so close now, I'm starting to consider procrastination as family.
Yes, you may say that a positive outcome from this is that I've gained a close friend. Yes, I may seem to enjoy life and have no worries. However, in a deep dark corner of my mind, I know life is going to explode. All the things I have abandoned in order to embrace procrastination will one day be too much to fit into that tiny dark corner and the barrier holding it all in will give way and that will be the end of it.
And how exactly will "the end of it" look like? Deadlines passing with no work submitted, feeling lousy because I know I have the potential to do much better but didn't, failing hopelessly in exams because I could've have studied and gotten great marks but didn't, being totally unsuccessful in business because I didn't manage to catch the opportunities when I should have and panadol after panadol tablet to deal with the immense stress of trying to finish work that only I can and need to do.
What can I do? I have to break this parasitic relationship. Procrastination has found a great host in me, a great friend who embraces it. Hoewvwer, I must abandon it. For there is little time left.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Haven't blogged in the longest time.... I guess preparing for FOC was taking up most of my time and I really didn't want to spend all my free time blogging when I could be doing something else I really needed....sleep.
So the University Scholars Club Freshmen Orientation Camp ended last Friday. And it was amazing. Everything worked like clockwork, there were close to no problems and everyone had lots and lots of fun. And when it all ended, I was happy but sad at the same time. Happy that the project ended so successfully but sad that the fun times we had working together for this project were finally at an end. The core com worked together effectively and the sub comms performed remarkably. And also many thanks to the OGLs who signed up for the camp and made it so fun! When the core com started eleven months ago, we sought to make this camp, its planning process and all included, an experience of a lifetime for everyone by ensuring every step in the journey was fun. And now that the camp is over and the wrapping up process begins, I must say that we were highly successful in our mission of fun. There were of course trying times, but I never regretted for a moment taking this project up. And this is due in no small part to the wonderful experiences that I now bring away with me and the wonderful people that I worked with that made the experiences wonderful. As the director of th project, I am beaming proud :). There are so many people to thank, and I have tried in my limited capacity to thank all of them. And once more, everyone, Thank You!
And now that FOC has ended, moving on to other stuff...
-HoZeFa-
So the University Scholars Club Freshmen Orientation Camp ended last Friday. And it was amazing. Everything worked like clockwork, there were close to no problems and everyone had lots and lots of fun. And when it all ended, I was happy but sad at the same time. Happy that the project ended so successfully but sad that the fun times we had working together for this project were finally at an end. The core com worked together effectively and the sub comms performed remarkably. And also many thanks to the OGLs who signed up for the camp and made it so fun! When the core com started eleven months ago, we sought to make this camp, its planning process and all included, an experience of a lifetime for everyone by ensuring every step in the journey was fun. And now that the camp is over and the wrapping up process begins, I must say that we were highly successful in our mission of fun. There were of course trying times, but I never regretted for a moment taking this project up. And this is due in no small part to the wonderful experiences that I now bring away with me and the wonderful people that I worked with that made the experiences wonderful. As the director of th project, I am beaming proud :). There are so many people to thank, and I have tried in my limited capacity to thank all of them. And once more, everyone, Thank You!
And now that FOC has ended, moving on to other stuff...
-HoZeFa-
Friday, June 29, 2007
Went for a special sabaq (religious class) yesterday. Aqa Moula (TUS) had graciously given raza (permision) mumineen to learn from the kitab (book) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin (RA), the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq who lived in Yemen and is buried in the hill-top town of Hutaib. The title of the book is Tambi-hul-Gaafelin which is loosely translates into "Waking up those who are asleep". Indeed, how deep in sleep we are!
In his preamble, Aamil Saheb (who was teaching the class) stated that the book was written as an answer to a person who lamented to Syedna Hatim about the state of society. How people lived at odds with each other instead of working together with one another. Syedna Hatim effectively explains why true believers of the faith should adopt good social habits. Not just because it is good and we need to be good.....it goes even deeper than that. And Syedna Hatim also explains (using very creative and understandable similies in my opinion) what are these good social habits and how we can improve the world by just improving ourselves. How we can reduce conflict in the world by following the simple guidelines laid out in the Holy Quran. Syedna Hatim also clearly explains and elaborates on the points found in the Quran.
It was only one lesson and there are many more to come but I will try my best to follow what I have learnt. And on my first day today I have found out that it is easier said than done. But I must at least try.
The Kitab was written as a response to a man's lament on the state of society. Indeed now the world is in conflict. The people of the world are sleeping. And Aqa Moula, in all his wisdom, knew exactly what mumineen needed to wake up. Tambi-hul-Gaafelin.
While each word from the Kitab places a man deep in thought on his actions, it also goes to show one thing. That Islam, in its essensce, is peace. It advocates peace, it requires its followers to live peacefully and co-exist peacefully with other in this world. Only then it would be possible to co-exist peacefully in the next. Unfortunately, many elements who claim to be Islamic don't seem to understand that. It is such a pity.
I am ever thankful to the Lord that I am a follower of Aqa Moula (TUS) who is the true advocate for what Islam is all about.
In his preamble, Aamil Saheb (who was teaching the class) stated that the book was written as an answer to a person who lamented to Syedna Hatim about the state of society. How people lived at odds with each other instead of working together with one another. Syedna Hatim effectively explains why true believers of the faith should adopt good social habits. Not just because it is good and we need to be good.....it goes even deeper than that. And Syedna Hatim also explains (using very creative and understandable similies in my opinion) what are these good social habits and how we can improve the world by just improving ourselves. How we can reduce conflict in the world by following the simple guidelines laid out in the Holy Quran. Syedna Hatim also clearly explains and elaborates on the points found in the Quran.
It was only one lesson and there are many more to come but I will try my best to follow what I have learnt. And on my first day today I have found out that it is easier said than done. But I must at least try.
The Kitab was written as a response to a man's lament on the state of society. Indeed now the world is in conflict. The people of the world are sleeping. And Aqa Moula, in all his wisdom, knew exactly what mumineen needed to wake up. Tambi-hul-Gaafelin.
While each word from the Kitab places a man deep in thought on his actions, it also goes to show one thing. That Islam, in its essensce, is peace. It advocates peace, it requires its followers to live peacefully and co-exist peacefully with other in this world. Only then it would be possible to co-exist peacefully in the next. Unfortunately, many elements who claim to be Islamic don't seem to understand that. It is such a pity.
I am ever thankful to the Lord that I am a follower of Aqa Moula (TUS) who is the true advocate for what Islam is all about.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Right now things are getting quite hectic as the usp freshman orientation camp comes creeping slowly. Today I had to make a difficult decision. It was difficult as my team mates would now have to do extra work and many others who helped us may not be too happy with the decision. But I believe the decision was the right one. I was reminded of something Bill Clinton wrote in his autobiography that a certain decision he was making at that moment in time was opposed by 80% of the electorate. He reasoned that if he didn't make the right decision and when the bad effects of it becomes apparent, he could not tell the people that he didn't make the right decision because 80% of them opposed him making the decision that he thought was right. I am thankful, however, that my core com members are so supportive and I'm confident we'll able to pull through hard times to organise a highly successful camp.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Random thoughts of the day.....
It's so typical of me. One day I would be on such a high having accomplished something and the next day I will be all down again depressed about what I cannot achieve. Why am I such a perfectionist when I don't have the ability to live up to my own expectations? Why do I have so high expectations which I don't have the will to live up to? Argh! Perhaps high expectations are a blessing but at the moment, it's more a bane.
I don't know if I can ever fall in love again. The last time that happened, it didn't work out. Now i'm forever afraid that things will not work out. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid to get close to anyone because in the end, I'm afraid I'll get hurt. But at the moment, love is not a priority. I'm not particularly looking for someone. I have too many other things to think about.
My social life is an almost zero. I don't know how it came to be this way. I used to be full of life and always had people to go out and watch a movie with. Now I don't really think so. I haven't watched any of the latest movies because I can't find anyone to go with. What would be closer to the truth is that I don't know who to call to go with. Sigh. Have to do something about this.
Gonna take a break today from everything. Things start again tomorrow.
HoZe
It's so typical of me. One day I would be on such a high having accomplished something and the next day I will be all down again depressed about what I cannot achieve. Why am I such a perfectionist when I don't have the ability to live up to my own expectations? Why do I have so high expectations which I don't have the will to live up to? Argh! Perhaps high expectations are a blessing but at the moment, it's more a bane.
I don't know if I can ever fall in love again. The last time that happened, it didn't work out. Now i'm forever afraid that things will not work out. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid to get close to anyone because in the end, I'm afraid I'll get hurt. But at the moment, love is not a priority. I'm not particularly looking for someone. I have too many other things to think about.
My social life is an almost zero. I don't know how it came to be this way. I used to be full of life and always had people to go out and watch a movie with. Now I don't really think so. I haven't watched any of the latest movies because I can't find anyone to go with. What would be closer to the truth is that I don't know who to call to go with. Sigh. Have to do something about this.
Gonna take a break today from everything. Things start again tomorrow.
HoZe
Sunday, June 10, 2007
NCDCC ATC June 2007 has just ended. I'm really tired right now and my eyes are burning like anything. But since I can't sleep at the moment I think I'll just type my thoughts down and see what I can do after that.
The last 7 days were amazing. Tiring, but amazing. Monday till Thursday was the ncdcc SNCO course in which I was in charge of the leadership programme and Friday till today was the ATC which was my first one ever since I became the ncdcc ATC coordinator. Why was it amazing? Because the kids, the cadets, were amazing. It is really great working with them. You think you're gonna teach them something but in the end, you end up learning so much more. I think joining ncdcc was a great decision. I'll write more on this when I'm more awake.....haha.
I think sometimes I spend too much time on people who really don't care about me and too little time on people who care about me and I really matter to. I think I really have to re-look this part of my life because I could be pushing away the people who matter the most in my life.
Anyway.....need sleep. Bye. :)
Hozefa
The last 7 days were amazing. Tiring, but amazing. Monday till Thursday was the ncdcc SNCO course in which I was in charge of the leadership programme and Friday till today was the ATC which was my first one ever since I became the ncdcc ATC coordinator. Why was it amazing? Because the kids, the cadets, were amazing. It is really great working with them. You think you're gonna teach them something but in the end, you end up learning so much more. I think joining ncdcc was a great decision. I'll write more on this when I'm more awake.....haha.
I think sometimes I spend too much time on people who really don't care about me and too little time on people who care about me and I really matter to. I think I really have to re-look this part of my life because I could be pushing away the people who matter the most in my life.
Anyway.....need sleep. Bye. :)
Hozefa
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The holidays have started yet life is still hectic. Of course, all of this is my own doing. Life could have been quite, relaxing and peaceful during the hols if I wanted it to. But then, there wouldn't be much fun right?
Went back to the civil defence heritage gallery yestetrday to meet Peng Kong as he very kindly agreed to help me design a t-shirt for the NCDCC adventure training camp at ubin. We wanted to have lunch before we started on the designs but Captain Subandi wanted to buy lunch for all of us and have lunch together, which was nice. We bought a KFC family feast and had lunch together. It was really great chatting with old colleagues over lunch, something I have not done in a long time. The PK and me went into a room and started on the designs which weren't as simple to come up with as I thought! In the end it turned out pretty good.
Went to a cyber cafe after that to finish some urgent work and managed to get quite a bit done, surprisingly.
Overall it was a productive day yesterday, something I can't really say about all my days. Ok, just talking now with no aim. Better stop.
Bye.
Went back to the civil defence heritage gallery yestetrday to meet Peng Kong as he very kindly agreed to help me design a t-shirt for the NCDCC adventure training camp at ubin. We wanted to have lunch before we started on the designs but Captain Subandi wanted to buy lunch for all of us and have lunch together, which was nice. We bought a KFC family feast and had lunch together. It was really great chatting with old colleagues over lunch, something I have not done in a long time. The PK and me went into a room and started on the designs which weren't as simple to come up with as I thought! In the end it turned out pretty good.
Went to a cyber cafe after that to finish some urgent work and managed to get quite a bit done, surprisingly.
Overall it was a productive day yesterday, something I can't really say about all my days. Ok, just talking now with no aim. Better stop.
Bye.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
I think one of my biggest fears is that I will not have made an impact on the world before I leave it. There is so little time to achieve so much. I want to broker world oeace, I want to eradicate poverty, I want people to realise that they have a choice to make a better life for themselves and that their fate is not bound to the decisions of politicians. I aslo want to make lots of money....haha. To be a philantrophist of course.
Manged to get a start on some work today. Started doing lots of various things and even managed a bit of exercise. Hopefully I will manage to keep up the momentum so that I am able to have a fulfilling holiday with lots of things acheived by the end of it.
Manged to get a start on some work today. Started doing lots of various things and even managed a bit of exercise. Hopefully I will manage to keep up the momentum so that I am able to have a fulfilling holiday with lots of things acheived by the end of it.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
So my first year of university has ended. I've managed to do many of the things I've wanted to do like staying in hostel, making lots of friends, attend conferences, go overseas. And many more things are left pending. Hopefully in the year ahead I will manage to reach all my goals. :)
Went to the Singapore Art Museum last Friday with some friends from USP (Un-Scholarly People). There was an exhibition on chalcography, mostly from the louvre . No, the exhibition is not about artwork made from chalk neither did it display sculptures made from pure chocolate. It showed pieces made by the stamping of copper plates which have to be inticrately etched in order to produce a masterpiece when 'stamped'. After a while three of us got bored, strayed away from the group and started making our own alternate interpretations of all the artwork. Let's just say art critics would not have been impressed.
Aqa Moula (tus) performed the opening ceremony of the Qubbah Mubarak (Mausoleum) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin, the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq in Yemen. I was very thankful that I was able to make a trip to Egypt and Yemen last year around this time because after making that incredible journey, I felt that I was able to feel what Moula was feeling when he performed the iftetah (opening). When Moula made the jounrey to yemen when he was Mansus (Dai-designate), the grave of Syedna Hatim was just a pile of stones with no adornement whatsoever. The mumineen were in dire difficulty and weak in faith in Yemen. Moula built a Mausoleum which was broken and then he built a second one. He brought mumineen closer to the faith. He helped them to achieve financial independance. Other Mausoleums were built. Roads were built to facilitate pilgrimages. The iftetah of Syedna Hatim's Qubbah was the pinnacle of all his achievements. It was his moment. It was Syedna Hatim revealing the magnificence of his successor. And in all that glory, Moula remained humble. He thanked Allah for making the tasks easy. He bowed his head in front of the Qabr mubarak (grave) and prayed for all mumineen. When Moula cried in front of the Qabr, I cried with him. Moula knew that the hand of Imam-uz-zaman was guiding the Duat Mutlaqeen and clearly this was the proof. In my humility, I was proud of my Moula.
Hozefa
Went to the Singapore Art Museum last Friday with some friends from USP (Un-Scholarly People). There was an exhibition on chalcography, mostly from the louvre . No, the exhibition is not about artwork made from chalk neither did it display sculptures made from pure chocolate. It showed pieces made by the stamping of copper plates which have to be inticrately etched in order to produce a masterpiece when 'stamped'. After a while three of us got bored, strayed away from the group and started making our own alternate interpretations of all the artwork. Let's just say art critics would not have been impressed.
Aqa Moula (tus) performed the opening ceremony of the Qubbah Mubarak (Mausoleum) of Syedna Hatim Mohyuddin, the 3rd Dai-ul-Mutlaq in Yemen. I was very thankful that I was able to make a trip to Egypt and Yemen last year around this time because after making that incredible journey, I felt that I was able to feel what Moula was feeling when he performed the iftetah (opening). When Moula made the jounrey to yemen when he was Mansus (Dai-designate), the grave of Syedna Hatim was just a pile of stones with no adornement whatsoever. The mumineen were in dire difficulty and weak in faith in Yemen. Moula built a Mausoleum which was broken and then he built a second one. He brought mumineen closer to the faith. He helped them to achieve financial independance. Other Mausoleums were built. Roads were built to facilitate pilgrimages. The iftetah of Syedna Hatim's Qubbah was the pinnacle of all his achievements. It was his moment. It was Syedna Hatim revealing the magnificence of his successor. And in all that glory, Moula remained humble. He thanked Allah for making the tasks easy. He bowed his head in front of the Qabr mubarak (grave) and prayed for all mumineen. When Moula cried in front of the Qabr, I cried with him. Moula knew that the hand of Imam-uz-zaman was guiding the Duat Mutlaqeen and clearly this was the proof. In my humility, I was proud of my Moula.
Hozefa
Sunday, February 25, 2007
A new fear has gripped me. The fear which is brought about by desperation.
Everything is happening so quickly. There are too many things to be done. I'm trying to grasp at everything but it's all just slipping away.
I dunno what to anymore right now. I dunno if I have studied enough, and even if I haven't, I don't have the will to do it. I dunno where some of my relationships are going, and I'm totally worried about the future.
I'm not feeling anything. I'm not feeling for the people I'm supposed to feel about. I feel......just empty inside. And I can't do anything because of pressure. I tried to rectify the problem last time....but it just ended in status quo.
I don't know what to do. I can't cry, can't yell out in anger, can't scream in frustation, walk about in aguish.....because I feel nothing. Nothing.
Yet, the problems bugs me. Its affecting me in ways I don't understand. I need help, but I don't know where to find it.
Maula, I need you. now. please.
Everything is happening so quickly. There are too many things to be done. I'm trying to grasp at everything but it's all just slipping away.
I dunno what to anymore right now. I dunno if I have studied enough, and even if I haven't, I don't have the will to do it. I dunno where some of my relationships are going, and I'm totally worried about the future.
I'm not feeling anything. I'm not feeling for the people I'm supposed to feel about. I feel......just empty inside. And I can't do anything because of pressure. I tried to rectify the problem last time....but it just ended in status quo.
I don't know what to do. I can't cry, can't yell out in anger, can't scream in frustation, walk about in aguish.....because I feel nothing. Nothing.
Yet, the problems bugs me. Its affecting me in ways I don't understand. I need help, but I don't know where to find it.
Maula, I need you. now. please.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Hello everyone.....
After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.
Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.
I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.
Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.
Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.
have fun guys.
HoZeFa
After a long siesta I have finally gotten down to adding an entry to my blog. I was almost gonna give up this blog until I attended an 'inspiring' talk by a professor who came to speak at the University Scholars' Seminar telling us that it is the bloggers who generate content for the masses to read. So I am generating, and I'm very thankful to you guys who are actually reading.
Yesterday was quite embarrasing, to say the least. I was chopping dried dates (for use as a healthy snack when I'm studying....beyond that I'm not saying anything), despite my mum's warning that I should probably soak them for a few hours first to soften it. Then disaster struck as the knife slipped off a hard, stubborn dried date and cause a long, clean cut in my soft delicate hands. That is not so embarrasing. What was embarrasing is that while washing the cut with running water, I suddenly felt faint. Yes! Faint!!! I mean like, what the hell? My mind was telling my body to wake up and stop being so faint-ly but I felt the whole room (kitchen) spinning around me. I had to call for my dad who gave me a chair and made me sit down. So embarrasing. Then my parents rushed me to a clinic (knowing how clumsy I am and the wound was probably deeper than the Indian Ocean) where the cut was painfully irrigated with cleaning solution and I was given an innoculation against tetanus.
I have given first aid to many people with worse injuries than that. Lots more blood than that. And I never felt faint....and a bit of my own blood I felt like the world was gonna collapse on me. Maybe its a psychological scar of the past or something.
Never mind, I shall get past this and the next time I cut myself (I probably will...) I will stay firm and not faint. Right.
Argh.....mid sem tests next week. What a great way to ruin the mid sem break. Have to get back to studying. Hopefully that will happen in the near future otherwise I'm totally dead next week.
have fun guys.
HoZeFa
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