YES WE CAN!!!

Firstly, a very big Thank You to friends in the United States for voting Obama as the next President of the United States. You guys have made the right decision and I am sure that in four years, the world will be a better place to live in.

Many people have asked me why I support Barack Obama although he's all the way in the USA. As the sole superpower in the world, his policies certainly affect the way the world functions.

Anyway, here are the reasons:

1) Obama believes in diplomacy. For him, military action is a last resort. Now imagine that instead of declaring war on Iran, Obama actually enters into dialogue with the Iranians to reach a consensus on nucleur power. Wouldn't that be great? Less people would lose their lives and the economy would not be shattered by escalating oil prices.

2) No more escalating oil prices. With the promise of peace instead of war, an Obama presidency would mean that oil prices would not go out of control. The middle and lower income groups will not be so badly affected by the current economic downturn if oil prices go lower.

3) An Obama presidency would bring back the sound economic policies of the Clinton administration. This would definitely bring the world more economic stability.

4) The Earth will be a cleaner and healthier place to live in because Obama believes in investing in renewable sources of energy and reducing our carbon footprint on the world. Al Gore has a great advocate for his environmental concerns in President-elect Obama.

5) The world can finally begin to heal. During the Bush administration, the rift between the islamic world and the western world was growing wider and wider due to the use of right wing rheteoric by Bush. The 2 badly managed wars in Afghanistan and Iraq did not help either. Neither did using terms like Islamic Terrorism. Islam does not believe in terrorism, so 'Islamic Terrorism' is a contradiction. Obama will be a president who will bring people together on their common values.

6) More hope for peace in the Middle East. The last time the Middle East came close to a peace deal was under the Clinton administration. It went down the drain under Bush. Now under president Obama, less Israeli and Palestinian children will lose thier lives because of a conflict that could have been resolved if Bush had contnued Clinton's policies.

7) Obama is a Democrat. 'nuff said.

Change we can believe in!

Have fun guys!

Today I was praying a madeh (hymn) during a darees (service) and there was a stanza that said how the real Jannat (Heaven) is really when Aqa Moula appears in your grave and brings your jaan to jannat.

Gulaam na hea arz tashreef lana, qabar meh yeh bandeh ko, moula bechana
Agar laye tashreef, moula kabar meh, toh roza-e-jannat nahi hea toh kiya hea

Whenever a mumin passes away, he is comforted by the fact that he will not be alone, his saviour and holy father will come and lead him to the glorious presence of Imam-uz-zaman. Moula will introduce the mumin to the Penjetan Pak who have come to welcome him.

I was just thinking that even for those that the deceased has left behind, Aqa Moula remains an immense source of comfort. When Dadima passed away, we were comforted by the fact that she is not alone and that Aqa Moula was there to guide her on her journey to Imam-uz-zaman. Any mumin who has a person close to him or her pass away is comforted by the fact that their loved ones who are deceased are being cared for by Aqa Moula.

Moula is just amazing. He is my source of comfort in every grief and pain. He is my comfort in every sorrow and every impossible situation. His cooling shadow is my refuge.

Moula always keep me close to you.

I'm sick and tired.

I'm sick and tired of being the problem solver to solve problems that were unnecessarily created.

I'm sick and tired of helping people out and being treated like crap.

I'm sick and tired for working my head off just to know that other people are being seen in better light.

I'm sick and tired of having people not listen to me and when things go wrong, I can't even say "I told you so" because of protocol.

I'm sick and tired of not having time to do the things I really want to do because I need so much down time right now because of all the repair work that needs to be done.

I'm sick and tired.

The writing of papers is really getting to me. This semester, I have to write papers for 3 modules. Yes, you heard correctly, THREE whole modules. For the Singapore: The Making of a Nation I have to write 4 response papers plus one term paper. For Virtue and Leadership, its 3 short assignments (You can feel free to write more, and I am planning to write more than 3 because its quite an interesting module) plus one term paper and for my independant study module on Ribonucleic Acids, 2 response papers and one term paper. Altogether, 12 papers this sesmester, at least!!! I love writing and all, but sometimes the sheer volume of writing you have to do really kills any enthusisasm you had to begin with.

But one thing that writing does force you to do is to organise your thoughts effectively and use language in a creative way to bring across your point of view. It really hones the mind to think more critically about the subject matter instead of just regurgitating stories heard in the past.

While writing so many papers in one semester isn't exactly something to look forward to, I think I'm really growing from this experience. As a science student you don't have many opportunity to write such papers, thankfully as a usp student I do.

Oh well....busy busy busy.

I was watching an episode of "The West Wing" which was entitled "The Long Goodbye". In this episode, the White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg goes back to visit her dad who is suffering from the early stages of alzheimers disease. The reason why episode was titled as it was is because the nickname for the disease is the long goodbye.

Dadima had Alzheimer's Disease which was diagnosed around 3-4 years back. While she showed some signs of the disease such as forgetting something she did a couple of minutes back, it never really affected her spirits and her daily life. She was still quite independant (though due to her age, she wasn't able to go out alone anymore and her movements were significantly slowed down). After Ramazan and Eid last year, she suddenly fell into depression and her appetite was severely reduced. In retrospect, that was the exact moment where her health took a turn for the worse. She lost a lot of weight and much of her independance. She was hardly able to walk and had to rest most of the time.

Despite all of this, she never lost her love and concern for all of us. Arefa got married in August and I know Dadima wanted to go for her wedding in our ancestral town, Dahod but due to her health she wasn't able to go there. So Daddy suggested that we hold one of the celebratory events in Singapore where the bride's uncle on her mother's side performs a ceremony giving the bride new clothes and presents so that Dadima could be part of the wedding. I know that Dadima was in a lot of pain but she managed to muster all the strength she could so that she could make her grandchildren happy. All throughout the ceremony she didn't say anything and even joined in the celebrations in her favourite new clothes, the red set. It was only after everything was over when she asked the maid to bring her back to her room.

There was no long goodbye here. Dadima was our protective mother all the way. Only when she was admitted to hospital when reality struck us that perhaps she might not make it.

There are still times now when I look back and remember that times where I sometimes got frustrated while looking after Dadima and many times the frustrations clearly showed. I couldn't understand what she was going through. I'm sure it must have hurt her to see me like that but she didn't say anything. I sometimes wonder whether I did all I could.

Eid ul fitr was not much of a celebratory time this year. Dadima was missing. And the void was felt really badly.

I hope that she's finally found peace in the glorious presence of Imam uz zaman now and that she knows we still love her and miss her dearly.

It has been slightly more than a week since Dadima passed away. 1 week and four days to be exact. I thought it would become easier to get on with life as the days went by, but that is absolutely not true. I still miss Dadima terribly.

I have tried to keep my emotions in check and put on a brave face. Over the last few days I have generally succeeded but have failed at certain times.

On Lailatul-Qadr, the most important night of the year where we stay up for the whole night for prayers and don't sleep again till the sun rises, we usually ask for remembrance in prayers from the elders in the family. Every year, we would ask Dadima first. Last Sunday night was Lailatul Qadr, around 4 days after Dadima's death and i couldn't help but missing her.

A few days ago, after having a early breakfast (to observe a fast the next day), I went back to sleep and could have sworn that I dreamt of Dadima. She wasn't the thin and frail person that she had become over the last few months. She was the strong woman I had known for most of my life till now. It was so real; she was walking towards me. And then I remember waking up suddenly and coming to my senses a few seconds later to realise that she was gone. The feeling was horrible. I felt my loss all over again.

Then today I came back from photocopying some readings at the NUS Central Library to find that dad and Asma feiji (My aunt who is my dad's sister) were going through Dadima's things. I just sat in Dadima's bedroom with them we shared memories with each other. Then Feiji left and I got ready to go to Masjid for prayers. After getting ready I went into Dadima's room to get something I left behind and I saw that they had left Dadima's masallo (prayer mat) on Dadima's bed. They must have forgotten to put it back. The thing is, that whenever Dadima got ready to say her prayers, she would put her masallo on her bed in the very same way and then go to the bathroom to do vuzu (washing oneself before paryers). Again, I slipped into thinking that Dadima was still around and she's coming back to spread her masallo. Then I realised it was not true and I started crying. All over again, I felt the sense of loss.

I usually walk all over the house when I am thinking about something such as a paper I'm wiriting or an idea that has just come into my head. The last few days, I have found myself more and more ending up in Dadima's bedroom. I don't know why. Is it in some subconscious hope that I would find Dadima sitting there? Am I still in denial?

I just can't help thinking about whether or not I had done enough for her in her final few days. I don't know why I had gone for that conference. If I hadn't, I would have been with her in her final days. I am just so thankful to Allah that he granted me the opportunity to be there on the day she passed away and help her in her final journey. I just wished I had seen her one last time before she had passed away. Just to see her smile. Just to hear her say "Maro Hozefa aayo che" (My Hozefa has come). Just to have covered her in her blanket one more time. Just to have her ask me to pray a marsiya (hymn) one more time for her. Just to have said goodbye.

Eid-ul-fitr is coming in a few days. But nobody in the family is going to be in any mood to celebrate.

I am thankful that so many of my friends and even some of my cadets have shown me so much support over the past few days. Thanks guys.

I've not updated my blog in a long time. So many things have happened in the past few months. Some were great experiences and other were challenges to be overcome. Yet, nothing impacted me as much as what happened 2 days ago.

I had just returned from an overseas trip to a conference in Bangkok on Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning at around 7am, dad got a call from the hospital saying that Dadima (grandmother) was in a very critical condition and that they should come over immediately. Dad asked Qadir and me to stay behind. As I was still recovering from lack of sleep, Qadir offered to stay by the phone. Then around 20 minutes later, Qadir came and shook me rather hard and told me we had to get ready quickly and go. I just put on whatever clothes I could find and called a cab to bring us to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I remember telling the driver to drive as fast as possible and he said he'll do his best. On the way there, dad called Qadir on his handphone.

It was the news that we dreaded. We knew it was coming because Dadima's condition was deterioating so much. But nothing prepared me for the moment when Qadir told me that "She passed away". When we reached the hospital, we rushed to her bedside. I remember that Dad was praying from the Quran loudly and then did matam of Imam husain on Dadima's chest. She was just lying there. She finally had the look of peace on her face.

I just started crying. The immense sense of loss I felt at that very moment in time was indescribable. I simply didn't know what to do. Mum was standing there so I hugged her. I kissed Dadima's feet one last time, as I usually kissed them every Eid and Lailatul Qadr. I held Dadima's hand and just cried. Then I remember kissing her forehead. Now as I type this I realise that it was the very last time I got to touch her, the loving Dadima that never hesitated to give me a hug to bring me close to her when I was in pain.

Husain Kakji told me to be strong, because we had to make preparations for her final journey to her maker. I just remeber huggin Husain Kakji and Feiji. And I remember after that I hugged dad and both of us couldn't stop crying.

Eventually we quickly discussed what we had to do. Dad and kakaji would stay at the hospital to finish the paperwork and arrange for Dadima to be brought to masjid. Mum, Qadir and me went home to change, get the Khake Shifaa, the white cloth for kafan that was blessed by Aqa Moula (TUS), and water from the wells of Zam Zam in Mecca and Jame-ul-Anwar in Qahera.

Everything after that was a blur. I remember reaching masjid and making arrangements with Abbas uncle and Qadir and I went with Najmi uncle to buy packet drinks for all those who will attend the burial. Dadima's body was brought to the masjid and the women in the committee started the process of cleaning her and garbing her in the burial robes. We just waited outside.

Then all the family members were asked to go in to look upon Dadima's face one last time before it was covered with Hanoot and the cloth. When it was my turn, I was careful not to touch her (She was cleaned with the rites of abulation so we should not touch her). I leaned forward to her face and all I could think of saying was Thank you. All I thought of saying was thank you to this wonderful grandmother who had led such a hard life but was only full of love for all of us. I also remembered saying that Aqa Moula will take care of you now. And that she had gotten her final wish of doing Didar of Aqa Moula.

And I lost my composure after that again. When I came back to my senses, it was time to carry her body into the Masjid for the Janazah ni namaaz. I made sure I didn't let go of the coffin used to carry her at all. I wanted to be there with Dadima all throughout her final journey. We prayed the namaaz and everyone came to give us Taziat (condolences). I just couldn't stop silently crying. After everyone had given taziat, I went to give taziat to my dad ad we hugged each other and cried again. Our sense of loss was at that time insurmountable.

We carried her body for the final journey out of the house of Allah and brought the coffin into the funeral bus that was waiting outside. While dad and Qadir took the car to the cemetary, I went in the bus and sat by the coffin throughout the whole journey. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Finally, we reached the cemetary and dad and kakji went into the grave to receive the body and I helped lower Dadima into her final resting place. I saw as the knots on her robes were loosened, signifying that all her wordly worries are over and now Moulana Ali Mushkil Kusha will come to bring her to Jannat. Her face was unveiled and her body covered with soil. After which we said our final goodbyes and prayers and went back home where everyone had gathered. We tried to console each other but with very little effect.

Later that night we went to Masjid and came back home. I went to Dadima's bedroom and sat at the foot of her bed and started crying again. There was an emptiness in me that couldn't be filled. It seemed so surreal. It was as if Dadima had just gone away for a while and would come back again. But I knew that it wasn't true. She had gone into the loving embrace of Imam-uz-zaman. I started wondering if I had been in turn, a filial grandson to Dadima. Dad and mum had to console me this time.

Dadima, thank you for everything. You were the kind of grandmother every grandson could ask for. You showed us love in all the ways that you knew how. You cared for us the way mothers care for their children. You taught us the tenets of our faith and made sure we stick firm in our love for Aqa Moula. You constantly reminded us of our family's traditions of Khidmat-e-dawat and ensured that we carried on this tradition. You loved us so so much dadima.

And dadima, we loved you too. We still love you. And we'll love you forever. We miss you so so much. Tha gap that you have left can never be filled.

May you receive Moula's Shafaat.

I am sure that when Penjeten Pak came to receive you, when Aqa Moula came to hold your hand, that they were proud that such a fine Mumin had finally come to Jannat. I Know that you're in a happier place now that you're suffering is now over. Please continue to watch over us, Dadima, as you did in your life.

We will love you, always.

Oh well. The last week has been rather exciting. I have made some interesting purchases and new ideas have emerged as well as new opportunities.

The month of Rajab-ul-Asab has started. As per my promise to god, I'm embarking on my third year of fasting during this moth. I'm praying for a lot of things during the month of Ali. Moulana Ali, the wasi of Rasulullah (SAW) led a life dedicated to his lord. When mumineen say his name, their difficulties vanish. He was a man who believed in peace, in the welfare of men and in the faith of God. Like I said, I'm praying for a lot of things this month. I pray that with Moulana Ali's wasila, all my prayers will be granted.

And of course, fasting for one whole month coupled with my diet will allow me to lose weight and win my bet with certain people.

I bought Obama's book, "The Audacity of Hope". Its getting to be quite an interesting read and I'm glad I could contribute in a small way to his campaign!

Attended the NYJC Leadership Training Camp as a Facilitator on Friday. Stayed there till Saturday night when I had to unfortunately leave due to personal circumstances. It was turning out to be an amazing camp and I earned two nicknames, "Chief" and "Wet weather Programme". Haha. I'll try to post some pictures online when I get them. Met Ms Choong too! She came back to visit. Haven't seen her since she moved to Hwa Chong Institution. It was really great meeting her after so so long! We caught up a bit and promised to stay in touch. :)

I feel like I'm drifting away from some people that I used to be close to. I don't know, perhaps its just my imagination. Perhaps they don't need me as much as they used to. Perhaps I need to stop thinking so much. Perhaps I need to get some ice-cream.

Experimental Bio test tomorrow. Wish me luck!

And for those of you who visit and don't tag.......watch out.

I haven't blogged for quite a while. The reason is the same. The days have gone by faster than expected. They have been rather productive, however, production did not meet demand. Despite the pressures on my time, I have been rather satisfied and happy of late. Lot of work still remains to be done and many issues still remain at large but I'm confident that with Moula's presence in my heart things will always work out. :)

I have started special semester term 2 at NUS. People have always told me that special semester is crazy but I never really knew how crazy until I started to take Experimental Molecular Biology. Oh. My. God. It's driving me nuts! During normal semesters, there is only one lecture and one practical a week. During special sem, there are 2 lectures and 2 6-hour long practicals a week! And trust me, its really intensive. I have been hardly surviving and its just started! And we're gonna have our first CA next week!

I got my new handphone, finally! Mum got a voucher from Starhub and she gave it to me and I got my new HTC Touch for free! It's a really cool phone and I have just started exploring all the possibilities! :)

That's all for now.

Cya!

On Saturday, I went for facilitator training at MOE Changi Adventure Centre. It was great to meet all my old friends from NY again. And I did Dragon Boating.....yay! It was really quite exciting but I think I cheered a bit too much. Totally hoarse now.

Finally had a break yesterday and today. The do-nothing days. I deserve it before I start my special semester tomorrow to do experimental bio. Even then I would have to do my readings today before I can head to school tomorrow. I better study for for this one as I want nothing less than an A.

Went to Suntec City yesterday night and bought a new pair of casual shoes. Haven't had those for a while. Decided I needed more than one pair of shoes when I realised my shoes wear out really quickly because of all the stuff I do. On wednesday I plan to buy a new pair of sports shoes! And of course, seeing how a lot of my things are worn out, I've taken the liberty of making a wishlist. If you feel you need to give me a present, this list will be of tremendous help to you. :p

-Walking Shoes (Gotten already)
-Sports shoes
-Backpack (My Cerrotorre bag is dying but still serving me faithfully after so many years)
-A new handphone (akan datang when my plan expires in August)
-Pencil case (realised I don't have a real one)
-A new watch
-World Peace (Do you guys think you can get me this one? I'm not entirely sure where to get this.....wait, yes, I know, VOTE FOR OBAMA)
-Obama as US President (Come on my American friends, surely you can give me this?)
-A vote for obama campaign pin or something

Gosh.....I feel so materialistic. Sigh.

And for those of you who visit my blog without leaving a tag.....shame on you! :p

Life is taking some new directions and strengthening some old ones. Making new connections while keeping some old ones alive and well. It looks better and brighter as each day goes by. While some connections wither away, new ones blossom and the realization that new people bring in new opportunities sink in. Ok, I shall stop being so vague.....let's get on with the rest of this post.

With Aqa Moula's (TUS) karam and ehsan, I was appointed to the committee of Shababul-Eidiz-Zahabi (Singapore), the youth wing of our community. I am honoured and humbled that despite being so unworthy, I am given this responsibility. I pray that with Moula's dua mubarak, I am able to execute my duties with integrity and responsibility and do what is necessary. I ask all mumineen who read this to dua on my behalf that Aqa Moula (TUS) accepts my khidmat, however little it is. I feel so blessed.

My company just finished its first major project. The leadership training cum character development camp that we organised was fairly executed well and judging from the responses, the kids really enjoyed themselves, experienced new things and learnt a lot about themselves and their goals. Special thanks to my facilitators who put in all the extra effort to make this camp a highly successful one. Hopefully this is the start of many good things to come!

Commandant of NCDCC LTC Lim Kah Seng will be handing over his command to a new Commandant today. LTC Lim is a man I truly admire because he led NCDCC in its formative years to great success despite so many challenges facing it. He is a man who truly gets what education is all about and how to provide an all rounded education programme for NCDCC cadets. On a personal level, he always listened to the problems of his officers, went all out to try and solve them and was always open to new ideas to make the organisation better. We could not have asked for a better leader. I wish him all the best for the future! Thank you for all you have done for us Commandant Sir!

Well, I've decided that its time for me to refocus my efforts in some areas. New leaders have merged and their need the full support of their mentors. The people who have come and gone can still look to me for support but I don't know whether I can still remain proactive when it comes to them. However, I'll still expand as much energy as possible.

Still sometimes feel that I'm being taken for granted but I guess it could be nothing and it would slowly fade away....

Special semester for me starts next week. I've opted to take the experimental bio module and it sure sounds fun. I'm gunning for an A!!!!

Have fun guys :)

Exhausted. Tired. But still a long way to go.

I've been receiving a lot of positive comments from cadets regarding the leadership modules. I'm quite glad that many of them have really benefitted from the programme. It definitely provides fuel for volunteers like me to keep on going.

I remembered reading one of my cadet's blog ages ago. It said some thing like "I hope I don't have to go for potential training tomorrow". Potential training is given to potential SNCOs in the unit. Look at him now......it's amazing the transformation some people make.

Yesterday was Mohammed's wedding. As with most Bohras weddings where the groom is local, there was lots and lots of fun! Ibrahim was the main coordinator of all the friends of the groom. We styled ourselves "DoSTARS" (a play on the word dostos which means the groom's friends in this context) and during the wedding, wore badges that reflected this.....haha.

In the afternoon, some of us stayed at Masjid to help serve lunch to the Family of Mohammed's in-laws who had come from Malaysia (Khadija Bhabi is a malaysian) while the rest went to the house to decorate the happy couple's room where they would spend their first night together. At night during the dinner, we just had loads and loads of fun. However by the time we left masjid, it was already 1 am and we had to move fast. Fortunately all the mischief and fun was over by 3am and was on my way home.

Mohammed and Khadija look very happy together and I pray that they always remain happy under the guidance and protection of Aqa Moula (TUS).

Weddings, being weddings, surface the desire of the maternal units in my life to see me happily attached too. :) We visited Dadima (grandmother) today at kakaji's house. After praying "Ya syyeda Shohadai" and Madeh of Aqa Moula to pray for her good health, Dadima mentioned that I look more and more like my grandfather. :) She was then wondering when I would find someone to complete me. She said the most important thing is that I truly love whoever I choose and that the girl loves me back.

Leaves me to wonder, is the fact that I'm alone and not attached the reason I might be feeling somehow empty? Or at least partly the reason? I would ponder a bit more on this but I did return from the wedding pretty late last night and I'm really really tired.

Not to tired though to figure out that the week ahead is long and definitely tiring. And I will not have the time or strength to resolve my issues. Sigh.

Sigh. The week has been nothing less than crazy, confusing and tiring.

The NCDCC SNCO course (for new student leaders of units) was running and I was the leadership coordinator for the course. While to many running a course may seem easy, but it is most certainly not. Not by a long shot. Ok, so I wasn't the course commander but coordinating the learning of leadership for 80 over cadets is certainly not easy. As Major John would say, "Teachable moments have to be planned and created". Contrary to popular belief, teachable moments are not unplanned moments. They are totally planned. They have to be to ensure that any learning at all can take place. Thus every effort had to be made to ensure that as many teachable moments as possible were created for the cadets to learn the various aspects of leadership. And it is not easy to arouse the interest of so many 15 year olds at the same time. They have to be totally engaged and their minds totally focused while at the same time allowing them to expand their thoughts on the various aspects of leadership being learnt. Clearly, no easy task. However, when you persevere and do your job well, you feel fully rewarded (albeit fully exhausted) when you see the end product. Many SNCOs said they were inspired to become role models and better leaders for their cadets and they aspire to lead in such a way that they hope their cadets will eventually be even better than themselves. I had amazing colleagues who fully understood the need for effective education and they certainly made the course a resounding success.

On a personal front however, things have been far from celebratory. The hurricanes of confusion and helplessness that have been sweeping through me over the last 2 weeks have gained momentum. I feel lost and I cannot seem to find the directions to get back on my way again. And the most amazing thing is, I don't even know why I feel this way. In the past whenever something like this would happen, I would someone or the other to talk to about things. Right now, I'm that go-to guy for a lot of people. They can depend on me to listen to their problems. However, I don't seem to have a go-to person anymore. Maybe I have just stopped looking. God knows. I need to get out of this rut soon. Very soon. I know I can. And I will. I just might need some help. yup.

Lately I have been feeling rather empty inside. I have been doing lots of stuff I like to do, no doubt, but I can't shake that feeling of emptiness within me.

I'm doing outdoor activities, I'm writing, I'm working with youths, I'm organising stuff, my company's got a big project coming up, I'm satisfied with this semester's results and quite frankly, many things are looking up for me. But why do I still feel empty inside sometimes? I guess sometimes it has to do with the fact that for many of the things I do, I can't seem to see the results quickly enough. Perhaps I am not satisfied with just what I do but I also need to see the results and feel good about it. My writing may take a decade to get published, my company may take some time before it starts off, organising is a long and arduous process with little time to enjoy the reward and youths nowadays are not the most appreciative people or it might take till they make it big to realise there were little people like me who tried to make a difference.

I'm not going to give up what I do. I love the things I'm doing but I need fulfillment. I'm starting to wonder if I'm moving away from my center. God and Aqa Moula are my centers. Am I moving away from them without realising it? How many times a day do I remember Aqa Moula compared to perhaps a year ago? I shudder to think I am moving further away. Without Aqa Moula in my life, where would I be? I need to re focus on Moula. He gives meaning to the things I do, whatever it may be. When I do something I love and I feel Aqa Moula giving me strength and guidance, I need no results. I don't need anybody to say thank you nor do I need to make a load of cash. I know that Aqa Moula will be proud of my achievements and that would be enough. I would not feel so empty inside. So its time I moved back squarely on my center. Let every step I take be a step closer to Aqa Moula (TUS).

And people, be nice. Leave a tag once in a while when you visit.

Today my mobile phone was on a roll! Never in the time of my mobile phone subscription had my mobile phone ever rung that many times. And it was not just calls.....there were messages too! At first I felt rather popular and wanted (ok, I need attention, so sue me) but after a while it just got rather irritating and I almost lost it when my mobile phone told me for the 100th time that my the driver of the black BMW should report to the lobby now (my sms ringtone, btw).

My emails then got onto the act too. All three emails accounts! They just went crazy! And all the emails demanded quick responses. Every medium of communication was ganging up on me. Except my darling blog. I love you blog.

Went coffee-ing with Caleb today and had to settle for coffeebean instead of starbucks because I couldn't find starbucks. Had to settle, I guess. We chatted for a while and then went home. And I think I could possibly be a motivational speaker. Haha.

Oh well. here comes tomorrow, and I don't think its gonna be very nice either. But I'm gonna put on a big smile and meet it head on!

:)

Its the eve of my birthday today, according to the Hijri (Muslim) Calender apparently. Yay.

The last few days has been a complete blur despite the fact that I've been trying to slow down the pace at which things are happening or need to happen. Sometimes I wonder why that is so. Am I afraid that there is too little time so I have to stretch the time I already have to achieve as much as I want to in life? Am I just a workaholic who just needs to be kept busy? I don't know, really.

The truth is, I like the things I do. I like organising things. I like mentoring youth. I like being part of important discussions in focus groups. I like taking part in community activities. I like writing. I like dwelling more into religion. Perhaps I like too many things. But is that wrong? Why limit myself to just a few things when life has so much to offer?

Don't get me wrong. I don't resent my life now. I really love it. But I think I need to learn how to take a break once in a while like I used to last time where I would take a good book to a Starbucks and read chapter after chapter oblivious of the world around me. Or take a long walk somewhere secluded while listening to music.

Anyway, according to the Islamic Calender, I'm a year older today. May God always keep me in the cooling shadow of Aqa Moula (TUS), who is my guide, my light, my source of strength and inspiration, my role model, my protector and my source of comfort. Moula, please hold my hand, always.

I need a break. I really really need time to myself. Despite the hints I drop everywhere, nobody seems to figure this out. I am continually being presented with more and more opportunities for interaction, more and more being forced to think about my future and more and more being bombarded with guilt trips.

I just need some 'me' time. I don't ask for these moments much. When I do could I have them please? Please?

Argh!

And so the day that I had been dreading for a long long time finally arrived. While I dreaded it, I knew it must come. Yesterday was the day the sec 4 cadets of Montfort NCDCC unit, the pioneer batch of NCDCC cadets, ended their term of service as NCDCC cadets with a R.O.D. ceremony.

Ever since I started the training the SNCO-designates (student leaders of the unit) to prepare them for the leadership roles they would play in the unit, I knew that one day, they would step down and say their goodbyes and carry on with their lives, armed with a range of new life skills. It was a normal process of life and the ROD ceremony, while a farewell ceremony, also marks their success.

The day before the ceremony, we had an overnight camp for all sec 4 cadets. It started at around 6pm. Before that I met Caleb (our CSM) and Jonathan (our ASM) for lunch. We reached school at around 5pm. We started off with dinner, followed by sharing sessions and a very fun and exciting war game. While absolutely exhausting, the war game was just absolutely fun! We played around for a while and then the war game just degenerated into a 'saboh' session where even the officers were not spared! Cpt Pang's fun streak became quite apparent. We then washed up and I had a sharing session with just the SNCOs. It was kind of like a final big debrief of their last one year. They shared with me what they felt were their accomplishments, their regrets, what they hoped for the future and their hopes for the unit. The rest of the sec fours joined up with us later and the sharing continued. Finally, we got too hungry and some of them headed fr the 7-eleven for some food and Cpt Pang, Caleb, Johnathan, Kang Hao and myself headed to the roti prata shop to have a midnight snack. When we came back, it was around 3am. After a bit more chatting exhaustion overcame us, or at least Mr Pang and myself and we went to sleep, after talking a lot more.

After waking up, we got ready for the day. There was an indoor ceremony in the AVA theatrette. I was called up by the emcee to give the first speech. I was contemplating what I would say because I never seem to be able to say everything I want when I give speeches. So I did better. I made sure I said everything I wanted to say to the sec 4s the night before. In the speech, I paid tribute to the sec 4s who were not SNCOs but made significant contributions to the unit. Then I turned my attention to the SNCOs. I had no idea how I managed to talk about them without tearing. I almost did. Cpt Pang and Major Howard then gave speeches after which the certificates and awards were given out. I was to give the plaques to the SNCOs. As every SNCO came to receive his plaque, I shook their hand and told them how proud I was of each of them. The Best Unit Cadet and SCDF-NCDCC Pinnacle Badge awards were given to Caleb. I was so proud of him. Thinking of what he was like when I was first posted to the unit and how much he had grown and matured into an aspiring young leader, I must say that cadets like him
give volunteers like me the motivation to keep doing what we do. Then a video was played which traced the journey of the sec 4 cadets from the time they entered NCDCC till now. It was prepared by the Sec 3s with a little help from me. I chose two songs, Graduation by Vitamin C followed Long Goodbye by RonanKeating to be played in accompaniment to the video. I must say the songs made the whole video rather emotional.

Then all the 5 SNCOs came up to give a speech. Caleb's speech was rather emotional and he was tearing up all the way. He spoke about his experiences in NCDCC and left some advice for his successors. He thanked me in his speech for inspiring him to become a better leader. I may not remember the words exactly but the sentiments are still clear and vivid in my mind. Johnathan than spoke about what NCDCC meant to him followed by Pradeep, Shi Jing and Kang Hao. I was really impressed by Shi Jing as he stood up there speaking. Like Caleb, he had really come very far to become a really amazing individual.

We ended the indoor session with a photo taking session. In the informal photo, I decided to be really informal and sit in the middle with my cadets.

Finally, the ROD parade segment. The parade stood at attention and the OC Unit, Cpt Kevin Pang accepted the salute. The NCDCC Song was played and the NCDCC pledge was recited. Then came a truly emotional part. All the officers went onto the parade square and shook hands with all the secondary 4 cadets. When I came to Nathaeneal, he asked me for a hug. :) He is another cadet I am proud of. Instead of taking the easy way out, he decided to persevere and even made to the GOH contingent for Founders' Day this year.

The final part of the parade was when WO Caleb Castro handed back his symbol of Authority as CSM, the wooden pace stick, to the OC unit. He then asked for permission for the parade to be dismissed and the sec fours to ROD. He gave the 'bersurai' command and when they left their ranks, the sec 4s threw their berets into the air to signify their successful completion of the NCDCC programme.

What happened after that was a complete blur. I was really tired and I had to get ready for a meeting of the Youth Organising Committee of the Asean Youth Festival. I do remember the sec 4s coming to talk to me and I do remember talking with Mr Pang about our Sec 3s. Beyond that is a blur.

When I finally reached home after the meeting, I fell asleep. After I woke up, the exhaustion mostly gone, I was just overcome with a feeling of sadness. Sure, it was a happy occasion to see our sec 4 boys grown up becoming young men. But I had already started to miss them terribly. I started to get quite upset and unfortunately, mum and dad saw me in this state. They were really concerned and almost wanted to cancel their dinner appointment if I didn't tell them what was wrong. I finally had to tell them and mum was like "Yeah you will be sad for a while but eventually you'll be just proud of them." Dad said (joking of course) that he wouldn't know what I'd do if I had a daughter and had to give her away on her wedding. (ha.ha.) Mr pang also sent me some supportive SMSes.

I pray to God that he protects my cadets on their journey in life henceforth and that no matter what challenges lie ahead, they would be able to overcome it and be successful in life.

Guys, I'm really really going to miss you.

Post-script
I remember writing in one of my earlier posts long ago that I was afraid that I wouldn't leave any lasting legacy in the world before I died. Its not my name that I want to leave behind. I just wanted to make sure that I was part of something that helps to make the world a better place. Now, I think that I don't hove to worry. I think I'm part of that something now. And I don't ever want to stop.

Last Saturday (2 days ago), I was part of a sharing session where we had to introduce ourselves and then talk about a picture we had selected earlier. We were supposed to describe what struck us about that picture and how we feel that picture represents us.

I selected a picture of people jumping off the "flying fox", i.e. zipline. I said that the picture struck me because it represented to me an aspect of training students. When a participant first comes to the top of the eight storey structure from which he has to jump off and goes to the edge, he will feel afraid of jumping off.

Thus the instructor's role is to not only ensure safety of the participant, but to also assure the participant that he is safe and to give him the confidence that he can do this. So the duties are three fold of the instructor: To ensure the participant's safety, to bring down the fear level of the participant by showing him the safety measures that have been taken and to increase his confidence level so that he will make the jump of the structure and zipline all the way to the other side.

Similarly, when giving a student the opportunity to exercise leadership, he may be afraid at first. He may feel that he is not yet capable enough to do what has been assigned to him. Thus it is the facilitator's job to remove the barrier of fear for this big step. The facilitator has to ensure the student has been equipped with the necessary skills before hand. He has to up the student's confidence while bringing down his fear by motivating and encouraging him.

I'll use an example from the NCDCC context. If you make a cadet the platoon i/c for the first time, the officer should not scream at him for every mistake he makes. He should encourage him and motivate him while correcting his mistakes. This would build up the cadet's confidence and he will not be closed to learning from his mistakes as he would feel that he is in an environment which encourages him to learn from his mistakes. Once his initial confidence is built up, the cadet can be given more opportunities in leadership and will be able to enjoy the learning process and benefit greatly from it. Of course once he is comfortable in his leadership role, more challenges should be given to him to expand his potential.

We can never completely prepare a student for the challenges of assuming a leadership role. Just like we can never prepare a participant well enough and tell him/her what to expect as he/she slides down the zipline. They would have to experience it first hand. Similarly, when given the opportunity, students will have to experience what being a leader is first hand. We can never fully prepare them. And most importantly, we need to know as facilitators when to let go so that the student is truly uninhibited to explore his full potential.

Goodness! The last few days have really been a blur. I thought I would have some time to relax once the exams were over but its seems that the engine is still chugging on as the coal is still burning. Exams ended on a happy note on Tuesday (which exams don't end on a happy not?) and I went home and did some scheduled slacking. Yes, you read it right. Scheduled slacking. That happy moment didn't last for very long. The next day I was back at work at HQ NCDCC where some heavy duty stuff was done. I was supposed to have watched "Iron Man" at night but somebody cancelled out on me at the last minute. Boo! Yesterday was spent typing out many many official sounding email to many official sounding people. Today the morning was spent at HQ again and the afternoon was spent at Pulau Ubin. Yes. CCK to Changi. I do a lot of travelling. From the west to the east. I'm a jet-setter, I tell you. My life is glamorous. I live in denial.

Tomorrow, my dear readers, I will be having a meeting in the morning followed by tuition in the afternoon. At night, If I'm not wrong, there will be a wedding party I'm supposed to attend I think. The next day, tuition in the morning, bbq in the afternoon and year 2 reunion party at night! Finally some fun!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo gonna watch Iron Man next week. Yes, I am! Wipe that smirk off your face you!

I was watching episodes from season one of The West Wing. It's one of my favourite shows! I'm telling you if I had a choice of choosing any job in the world I like, I would like to be the President of The United States of America. He like gets to deal with so many world issues and the decisions he makes can really make a difference in the lives of people all over the world. Plus flying on Air Force One is cool! :) Too bad I'm not a natural born American citizen.

This blog is now listed on http://www.planetbohra.org

So Cool!

Yesterday before the Metabolism and Regulation exam, I freaked out. I didn't bring along my secret weapon: chocolate. Fortunately I have a friend like Xian Keng aka Ferdinand who brought extra Mars Bars to uni that day. He offered me one. I was so touched. A friend in need is a friend indeed. :)

Exams start tomorrow. yay. They end on Tuesday. Yay!!!!!

Tomorrow is metabolism. The subject is powerfully boring. It lists out each and every metabolic process that happens in the body. And we need to know all of it! All! Including enzymes, co factors, and by products! ARGH!

Ribonucleotide reductase........converts ribonucleotides to deoxyribonucleotides........wait, is that right? I think so. Whats carbomyl phosphate? Crabomyl phosphate synthase II makes it right? RIGHT? ARGH!

Study study study. Now now now!

I end this day feeling super hyper. Drank four cups of chai today. 4 cups of chai!!!! Wheeeeeeeeee!

When I brought in my fourth cup into the mc room, Junwen was like, "What! Again?"

I used to drink lots of coffee when I was in JC but kicked the habit when I got overly dependent on it. Now my obsession with chai begins.

Tea, simply nothing like it.

The life of a university student during examinations......sigh.

7am: Wake up, brush teeth, wash up, pray, have breakfast, read the paper, drag sleepy self around the house...
8.30am: Get books together to study. Get totally motivated seeing the books. Watch some TV, you earned a break after motivating yourself.
9.30am: Go back to the books. Make a page of hand-written notes. Check your email ten times, someone important might send you one. Facebook.
10.30am: Back to the books, hit a difficult concept, walk around the house to try to internalize the concept. Watch tv to help your brain internalize the concept as it relaxes. SMS a few people.
11.30am: Find out whats for lunch and whether or not its worth looking forward to. Get back to the books. Throw away that difficult concept. Surely it wouldn't be tested for the exams. Right?
12.30pm. Although not hungry, eat lunch anyway.

Haha. Yes, and that leaves us with guilty pangs, right guys?

Well, thankfully, my day is slightly more productive. Slightly. Got the photos around my desk rearranged to add some new ones. My desk is a mess. Have a look at it for yourself:


Cool yeah?

Back to the books......sigh. Glycolysis, lipid biosynthesis, TCA cycle....... :(

Yesterday the cadets of Montfort NCDCC did the school proud, did NCDCC proud and did me proud by performing beyond the highest expectations to execute a perfect parade as Guard of Honour for Montfort School's founder's day.

For almost four months, these cadets have been waking up early in the morning to undergo very taxing training, but they never complained, they just kept pushing on to ensure that they give nothing less than their best. They worked hard so that they would realise their final goal.

I hardly slept on Friday night and finally gave on sleep around 4 am and went to get ready. had a really slow breakfast while reading LKY's memoirs. Then jumped on a bus to Montfort. The cadets got ready and drew their guns and did a final rehearsal. Then it was time for the pep-talk. Cpt Pang and myself spoke to the cadets about how much they had worked towards this and that now this was the moment that would bring fruition to their efforts. I almost choked up with tears at this moment. We then asked the cadets to take positions and they performed the wonderful parade.

After that was a photo taking session with the cadets and I spoke with the parents to thank them for their support. After that it was over.

I got the sec 4s in the room and spoke to them about their coming O levels and how they have to put aside their CCA and work towards a good L1R5. It was their final NCDCC session. After the exams when they come back on the 17th, it would already be their POP ceremony. When I was speaking to them about winding down from their CCA, I could almost feel the pain in them around the room. Especially from Caleb who was sitting right beside me. These people are the pioneers of the unit. They've already spent more than 3 years together building up the unit, going through good and bad times together. And the next time they would meet in uniform for pop, it would be over.

The unit's success doing this GOH means one thing, that despite being a young unit, the unit is strong just like other NCDCC units around Singapore. NCDCC's aim to become a Choice UG is gaining momentum and people know that when they see a NCDCC cadet, they will see leadership, a responsible citizen and somebody who knows basic civil defence skills which could one day save a life. I'm honoured to be part of this. To be part of an organisation which believes in building the character of the younger generation and ensuring that our cadets will be equipped with leadership skills that are not necessarily learnt in the classroom.

The sec 4s invited me to go K-box (is that how its spelt?) after the GOH was over. I declined. Not only did I need to study but I needed to re-charge for things to come.

The cadets have done us proud. The parade is over. Yet the spirit lingers. How does one cope with such wonderful memories knowing that it is now over? How does one move on even higher after spending so much of himself to achieve a new high? I think of what I was telling Sarah Cheng after production was over. I would move on to other things, even better things but once in a while, when all is quiet, I would smile quietly to myself remembering how wonderful i felt training the cadets and watching them grow from boys to men.

Pictures of the event can be found on the Montfort NCDCC Blog http://1st-in-last-out.blogspot.com. Links to more photos would be added later.

Leave a tag. :)

The peak is now in sight. Tomorrow, my dear cadets, we'll be at the peak, we'll conquer the mountain and we'll be on the top of the world.

Have a good rest!

I was looking through a scrapbook that I had made when I had just graduated from Victoria School. I became a bit overwhelmed with emotion. Even though I have stopped going back to VS for volunteer activities for more than 3 years, I don't think I have ever completely let go of that place. But I guess the emotions I felt had nothing to do with VS as it is now. I studied in the old school, for me the Victorian Spirit emanated from each brick in the Geyalng Bahru campus. I miss the atmosphere, my friends, my experiences, many of which have made me the person I am today. I miss, hanging out in the prefects room, studying late into the night in the small study tables that were in the most deserted parts of the school, the ghost stories, the numerous camps, everything, just everything. I miss my friends from the prefectorial board and the fun we all had together. Wow.

I'm definitely not good at saying goodbye. I never have been. I suppose that's why I'm such a sentimental fool. (A SNAG-sensitive new age guy-my friends call me....lol) That's probably why I can never fully let go of anything.

Very soon my sec 4 cadets will be saying their own goodbyes. This Saturday, the GOH, will mark the end of their service as SNCOs in NCDCC. The next time they come back to NCDCC, it'll be time for their POP. I'll miss all of them, I really will, especially my SNCOs. Wow, its difficult just typing this out. You never forget your first batch. I don't think I'll ever forget these guys.

P.S. And people, be nice. If you visit my blog, leave a tag!

Tonight is the eve of Aqa Moula's (TUS) 97th Milad Mubarak (birthday). To mumineen all around the world, Mubarak Mubarak!. And whats more, we've received the good news that tomorrow, we will be able to see and hear Aqa Moula (TUS) because there is a live relay of his waaz mubarak (sermon). Tomorrow, we will be so blessed! Showers of barakat will drench us! Moula will pray for us and do dua for us.

I am so lucky to have Aqa Moula (TUS) in my life. I cannot imagine my life without him. Who would have guided me to become who I am today? Who would have been my role model? When things get tough, who would I remember that would come and help me? Who would have shown me the true faith and path towards God? Who would have shown me that faith and religion is nothing without love? Only you Moula, only you.

Moula tomorrow please pray for me. Please pray for my faith, for my studies, for my company, for success this coming Saturday morning, for my future. And with your dua mubarak, I know the world will be a better place, for everyone.

May Khuda ta'ala give Moula a long and healthy life ta-rozay Qiyamat. Ameen!

Milad Mubarak!

Last Saturday on the 19th of April, I was deeply honoured to be awarded the Special Service Award by Nanyang Junior College. I was given the award because my my past four years of service to the college. I was quite surprised to hear that I was going to receive this award when Mr Victor Tan told me about it. When I arrived at the college, Mr Tan escorted me to my seat which was in the VIP section. We did a bit of catching up and also met my fellow Nanyang Alumni Association ExCo members. Soon the event started. I was the first name to be announced with a citation and the vice-princiapl stood up to show me to the stage. I was so thankful to all of them for making me feel so welcome at NYJC. Indeed, I'll never regret my decision to have gone to that JC. Even after so many years I still feel so welcome. And I'll be going to facilitate at the NYJC Leadership Training Camp this year again! So exciting!

Met Major John today. He patiently listened to me and as usual, gave me new perspectives and very good advice. He told me that as a leader, I should not only be able to solve technical problems but also problems that start to affect me personally. That in a higher position, I should find better, more mature solutions to problems as I carry more responsibility. There were so many learning moments for me in that short session with him. :)

All the UGs at Montfort Sec have been working very hard to make this Saturday's Founder's Day a highly successful one and I'm confident that due to everyone's hard work, this founder's day could be our best one yet. Two more days....

So exhausted now but so much more work left to be done...

To my ncdcc cadets, check out my message to you guys on the Montfort ncdcc blog at http://1st-in-last-out.blogspot.com

:)

After the car ride (whew), I finally reached Montfort and changed into my uniform in time to get the cadets ready for the GOH rehearsal. It was a roller-coaster. Cpt Pang and myself were very thankful that Encik Firdaus, Encik Haramain and Lta Sameer were able to come down to Montfort yesterday to help with the final arrangements and formations for the GOH. I think in the end, everyone was more or less satisfied, some more than others. My cadets had to work with the new arrangements. It was pretty tough on them. I think the guns started getting to heavy for some of them but to their credit, they kept going. During the water break when I asked them how they felt, all of them screamed back "awesome, sir!". What great cadets! However, their drills still lacked a certain something that would differentiate good from fantastic. Encik haramain commented that the npcc cadets were marching with that certain something so we asked the ncdcc cadets to watch the npcc contingent march past. They were standing tall and straight with a lot of gusto. I've always maintained that if we can learn something good from someone else, we should go all out and learn it from them. It is illogical and stupid to state 'pride' as a reason for not learning something worthwhile from another group. After my cadets looked at the npcc contingent (and got a bit of shouting from me), they polished up their performance and improved significantly. Cpt Pang told me that the Principal, VPs and Mr Loh were impressed with the timing and drills after that. So were Encik Firdaus, Encik Haramain and Sameer.

I thought that we had been pretty tough on them already so after they had returned their water mist guns to the armoury, I sat down with the cadets for a light hearted session with them. We joked around and I used this oppotunity also to try and motivate them to accelerate and work hard towards Founder's day which is in 7 days. We held the sec 3s back after everybody else went home, to announce who will be going for the SNCO course and to prep them for what is to come. After that I walked toward the ncdcc room when I saw Shijing rushing into the room and I opened the door to find Shijing sitting down on the floor with blood dripping from his forehead. As the boy ran into the room, he tripped and banged with head against the door which resulted in a deep cut above his left eye. I applied pressure using my hand until somebody finally passed me some gauze. Cpt Pang in his calm manner got everything arranged to transport him to the nearest clinic. We waited until the doc finished stitching him up. Shijing was very brave about it :).

And I went back home, all tired but glad to have spent nother day with my cadets.

Human Relations group project was over last Thursday marking the end of this very interesting module. This module rally helps to analyse why people behave the way they do and it teaches us not to judge people because their behaviour and cognition are all due to their background, or socialization as sociologists tend to call it. Not forgetting the wonderful friends I made in the class and my super-duper group mates: Tong Wei (dragon lady), Joel (pork bun), chin soon (ok, i forgot your nickname), Jivan (the not so great) and of course myself (walawala). :) It was great working with you guys to analyse the social image of the Singapore Girl! (a great way to fly apparently).

Yesterday there was a metabolism test in the morning which despite my lack of mugging was easy to pull through. I'm honestly not sure how many marks I'll get for it but with some luck, I'll get some marks which I'll not be embarrassed to repeat to others. Haha.

After the test I did something I hadn't done in a long time, sit down with some of my friends from life sciences and had a Burger King lunch with them. Ok so it was only two of them but better than nothing right? Haha. Weizhen kept Anne and me in good humour with his many jokes and stories of his exploits with the French lady who wants to keep him for two years (lol....it's not what it sounds like....he's got a research opportunity under this french scientist at nus and he has to give a 2-year commitment).

After lunch I did my prayers and I drove (yes, I drive) to Montfort Secondary School. Many thanks to Biying who found out the shortest and most direct route for me to get there from NUS. I was listening to some Marsiya and Madeh (devotional hymns) on the way there and I was suddenly overwhelmed. I was thinking that every moment of my Life, Aqa Moula (tus) must be thinking about me and doing Dua for me and the rest of the mumineen in the world. What Have I been doing? After coming back from Ashara Mubaraka in Colombo, how have I changed my life? Have I followed any of Aqa Moula's farmaan? Have I made an effort to become a better mumin, a better human being? Have I made a conscious effort to ensure that I exemplify what being a mumin is all about? Have I gone out of my way to help anyone? Have I kept Moula in my thoughts everyday, every minute? Have I said my prayers five times a day, on time? Have I read the Quran-e-Majeed at least twice a day when I wake up and before I go to sleep? Do I make an effort to remember Imam Husain (AS) who sacrificed his life for the forgiveness of our sins everyday? Have I done my part to make this world a better place for all of God's creatures? Sadly, its for all these small things that make us a mumin, my answer is no. Sometimes i feel my faith slipping away from me faster than I can grasp it. But I know Moula is on my side. I know that everyday Moula is praying for my salvation here and for the hereafter. Whenever I look at Moula's photo sitting on my desk, I cannot help but think that here's a man who sacrifices everything for us, so that one day when we reach the presence of Imam-uz-Zaman, we will have nothing to fear, beacuse Moula will be there and he will tell the Imam: "Here is a mumin, he loved me, he loved the Imams, He wept for Imam Husain, he made a difference in this world. Oh Imam-uz-zaman, please bring him with you to falak-e-mohit." I'm going to make a consicious effort to be a better mumin from today and I know in Aqa Moula's cooling shadow, I will succeed.

Apparently I'm naggy..... Boy, did that hurt.

Yesterday was my UROPS presentation. For days before, I had been tweking my prsentation here and there to try and get it to be perfect. Of course, a lot of thanks has to be given to Dr Mahesh for getting me to do a dry run in front of my fellow interns at DSO and giving me so many many tips which helped a lot when I was doing my actual presentation.

The presentation went well except for a few glitches at question and answers. Dr Mahesh rushed down from a conference so that he could be at the presentation to give me support. Thanks doc!

Oh well, exams are coming......

After a little blogging hiatus I've decided to get back on the blogging scene. According to last sunday's papers, Singapore are 'sincere'. We blog for the sake of blogging and not money, like many bloggers in the west who blog for money. Makes me feel better, I think.

Last few weeks has been quite of a blur but very exciting. Shahzada Qusai BS Vajihuddin (Son of his Holiness, Aqa Moula) arrived in Singapore in the capacity of Saheb-e-Dawat (Special representative of His Holiness). My family was very very fortunate as Shahzada Saheb accepted our ziafat invitation (lunch). The ziafat was held at the Darul-Imarat as he was going to leave Singapore later that day. Shahzada saheb gave us a lot of Sharaf as he even came down to the Masjid to lead afternoon prayers. Soon after the ziafat started and Shahzada Saheb did lots of dua (prayers) for Dad and Mum. I was quite happy for both of them because they have had the blessings of Shahzada saheb's guidance in many aspects of their lives. Mum had Shahzada saheb's guidance and dua in her studies and now she's doing her PhD and MBA both at the same time! And dad has been in the khidmat of Dawat for so long all under Shahzada saheb's auspices. Shahzada saheb also blessed me and reviewed my khidmat in fire safety during Ashara Mubaraka. Qadir's khidmat was also arazed and shazada saheb blessed him too. Shahzada Saheb also blessed my company, Duck Learning! And then lunch :) All in all, I felt rather lucky that day and really privileged to be the recipient of so much dua, barakat and blessings.


Left: Shahzada saheb leading afternoon prayers during our ziafat.
Below: Shahzada Saheb blessing me and doing dua for me and Qadir beside me.

Today I regretted doing something which I did out of impulse. I lost my temper at one of my SNCOs when all he was trying to do was show some initiative and try to make something better from his point of view. I should have just explained to him that in the future, if he has an idea he should approach his officers first before putting his ideas into action. Instead I shouted at him. I felt really bad about it. In fact I'm still feeling bad about it. I called him aside during water break and apologized to him. I think that's the least I could do.

Its like you try so hard to be the perfect mentor but then something like this happens which shakes your confidence.

I've finally submitted my UROPS final report. While there is still a presentation pending, I think the worst is over. UROPS was an exciting but very intensive research experience. I have to thank my professor A/P Shabbir Moochhala for giving me this opportunity and guding me along, my supervisor, Dr Mahesh, for being an inspiration, always guiding patiently, always allowing me to explore and always willing to stay back extra hours when I needed to work overtime. I also wanna thank Alicia, Shiao Hui, Lifang, Meiqi and Jia Ling for their friendship, weird nicknames and help throughout the year that I was attached to the lab. I think I've learnt a lot and experienced things you couldn't experience in any other module. Research is intensive and certainly not for those who aren't committed to it. But there is a certain magic about hoping to find things that support your hypothesis, optimizing failed experiments, watching your probes bind to your template DNA in your light scanner.......Amazing. :)

Exhaustion. Exhaustion. Exhaustion.

Seriously, there's no end in sight. When it seems that the workload is going to get less, it just gets more, and more. And more. It is never-ending. My UROPS report is due tomorrow and I have not yet completed it. It is going to be an all-nighter today. And tomorrow when I get back home at around 6-plus pm, I will have to go through another all-nighter to study for a freaking CA for molecular biology on Tuesday afternoon. Two days without sleep, I wonder what that will do to me. Prof Teo has been super-duper nice and has extended the paper 2 deadline for Human Relations till next week. Thank goodness, otherwise I might not get any sleep on Wednesday as well.

The week otherwise has been pretty good. However, I just wish I had been more productive. I must go to the Chatterbox at USP less often and study at the library or something where I will not distract myself. Yes you heard it right. I distract myself. Sometimes I'm a hyper kid. Good god.

I went to Montfort yesterday to find my boots were missing. I searched high and low for them and got rather worried because you can't achieve much with your uniform without boots. As it is I lost my gutters and was using rubber bands instead. I finally found my boots. They were all polished and very very shiny (with masking tape and the works). My sec 4 cadets polished my boots for me! I was so so touched. It was a really really nice gesture. Thanks guys! :) You know, Montfort ncdcc cadets are really great.

I have to get back on my 'healthy living' plan. As some people have so happily declared, I've not been sticking to it. But I'm going to try again with more determination!

Got more stuff to type but not enough time to type it. So will reserve that for another time. perhaps Wednesday when I have more time.

I am totally exhausted at the moment yet I fins the insatiable urge to blog. Truly, there are very times in my life where I have found myself so exhausted. Nowadays, the exhaustion seems to come in higher intensities and greater frequencies. I am beginning to wonder if my physical state has declined and is unable to keep up with my activities which have only increased. I think there is much truth in my theory and have to work towards becoming much much healthier. Just today due to excessive socialising on my part (all platonic!), I drank 3 cans of coke. 3 cans!!! When I came home, I reached out for jar with the Tang powder to make a drink for myself to have with dinner but I felt guilty pangs (for the first time in a long time) and settled for plain water instead. Thus, I have decided that:
(1) I will not eat fast food for the next 2 weeks (I can almost hear BY laughing her head off)
(2) I will work out every morning for at least 20 mins before starting my day
(3) I will not drink soft and sweet drinks and will settle for water or tea
There. I will be a healthier person in no time.

The last few weeks have been crazy. My UROPS project needs to be completed and there is no end in sight I'll have to go to the lab tomorrow to finish my research and hopefully start off on my report which is due really really really soon.

Things in NCDCC have also been hectic. Montfort NCDCC unit is chosen to do the GOH for their Founder's Day and motivating the cadets to put in their best throughout all the trainings is an exhausting task. However, the cadets perform miracles each and every time. They rise up to every occasion and are working really hard towards their goal. They're amazing cadets. The sec 4s will be passing out a week after GOH. I'm gonna miss all of them esp my SNCOs. Now a new batch of cadets will be coming up to take over the leadership positions and prove themselves. Its going to be exciting.

Back to work!!!!